Days 69 - 70
Well it was the Week-End and I did not go out. I seem to respond in a more confident and reflected manner to my parents. Everything I say seems to be more thoughtful. I made my mother cry by saying to her that we could not live without her. She was so pleased to hear that! She hugged me and cried.
Nothing else noticed. Tomorrow, school begins again. I'm starting to feel an urge to get a boyfriend. I want to have sex. But I'm not that comfortable with approaching other guys. We'll see how the sub pushes me towards that.
Have a nice week,
-Adri
Days 71 - 72 - 73
I think I'm back into a routine. I'm getting used to the effects the stage has on me I think. I don't know how it's working unconsciously but I do think it's working. I am trying not to masturbate since 5-6 days I think. It's hard at times! But I don't want this addiction anymore. Plus, I really do want to approach guys and I want my sex drive to be able to help me.
Today I met with a friend and she told me my voice had changed. So it wasn't just me! I also felt like I did not connect to her as much as I used to do. She was a very good friend before, but I've not seen her for 3 months and today she bored me. I was not connecting to her. I think she felt it but that's not my fault, I do think we're not that much on the same track anymore. I was scared to lose friends before starting AM5. Now that I see that the process is so natural, it's okay. But I don't mean I will cut her out of my life, I will just try not to see her that much because I don't see points of connections between us anymore. Maybe it's sad. I don't feel that way.
Bye,
-Adri
Interesting to see a "gay" perspective to be honest. Are you bi at all? You mentioned dating women in your earlier posts and I've been wondering.
Also, this is cool. \/
(03-26-2014, 10:53 AM)Adri Wrote: [ -> ]Today I met with a friend and she told me my voice had changed. So it wasn't just me! I also felt like I did not connect to her as much as I used to do. She was a very good friend before, but I've not seen her for 3 months and today she bored me. I was not connecting to her. I think she felt it but that's not my fault, I do think we're not that much on the same track anymore. I was scared to lose friends before starting AM5. Now that I see that the process is so natural, it's okay. But I don't mean I will cut her out of my life, I will just try not to see her that much because I don't see points of connections between us anymore. Maybe it's sad. I don't feel that way.
Bye,
-Adri
I've had the same thing, mostly at work or with my family, where I realize that I can be on my own path or have my own opinions without letting any one down or I can disagree without it meaning I'm a "bad" person.
Same here for me, I'm bored with my best friend now. He is still very beta and angry at everyone for no reason. Before I would try to change myself for him, now I just don't care.
(03-27-2014, 08:39 AM)maniac360 Wrote: [ -> ]Same here for me, I'm bored with my best friend now. He is still very beta and angry at everyone for no reason. Before I would try to change myself for him, now I just don't care.
Me too. Can't be bothered with angry people any more. Life is too short.
Hi guys, nice to see you relating to my story ! It really helps me to know that some guys here have gone through the same process than I
To respond to you SargeMaximus, I'm not bi. I've never dated any woman and don't want to. I don't know where you saw that I mentionned dating women but I'm sure you misunderstanded it (I'm not an english native speaker so my writing may be confusing at times
). And yes, the gay perspective is interesting, I decided to do a journal first to be able to look back at my evolution and second to create a gay journal. I do believe mine is the only one on AM5 Gay. Doing this journal, I hope I help other gay guys to see what it would be like to do this sub.
(03-27-2014, 01:32 PM)Adri Wrote: [ -> ]Hi guys, nice to see you relating to my story ! It really helps me to know that some guys here have gone through the same process than I
To respond to you SargeMaximus, I'm not bi. I've never dated any woman and don't want to. I don't know where you saw that I mentionned dating women but I'm sure you misunderstanded it (I'm not an english native speaker so my writing may be confusing at times ). And yes, the gay perspective is interesting, I decided to do a journal first to be able to look back at my evolution and second to create a gay journal. I do believe mine is the only one on AM5 Gay. Doing this journal, I hope I help other gay guys to see what it would be like to do this sub.
Yeah I guess I misunderstood then. Thing is, I can actually understand bi and straight more than I can understand "straight-out-gay" lol. To me, a human "male's" dna would propel him to want sex with females regardless of how he felt about himself, as a function of the species.
I'm curious, have you never been attracted to women?
(03-27-2014, 04:53 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ] (03-27-2014, 01:32 PM)Adri Wrote: [ -> ]Hi guys, nice to see you relating to my story ! It really helps me to know that some guys here have gone through the same process than I
To respond to you SargeMaximus, I'm not bi. I've never dated any woman and don't want to. I don't know where you saw that I mentionned dating women but I'm sure you misunderstanded it (I'm not an english native speaker so my writing may be confusing at times ). And yes, the gay perspective is interesting, I decided to do a journal first to be able to look back at my evolution and second to create a gay journal. I do believe mine is the only one on AM5 Gay. Doing this journal, I hope I help other gay guys to see what it would be like to do this sub.
Yeah I guess I misunderstood then. Thing is, I can actually understand bi and straight more than I can understand "straight-out-gay" lol. To me, a human "male's" dna would propel him to want sex with females regardless of how he felt about himself, as a function of the species.
I'm curious, have you never been attracted to women?
Hey SargeMaximus, no never been attracted to women. I can tell if a woman is attractive or not but women are my friends. Would never go out with them. I've read somewhere I don't remember (so don't take it for granted) that gay men could be there biologically to maintain the birth rate in control. Maybe that's why I don't want to "reproduce" myself
(03-30-2014, 07:18 AM)Adri Wrote: [ -> ]Hey SargeMaximus, no never been attracted to women. I can tell if a woman is attractive or not but women are my friends. Would never go out with them. I've read somewhere I don't remember (so don't take it for granted) that gay men could be there biologically to maintain the birth rate in control. Maybe that's why I don't want to "reproduce" myself
Fascinating, I'll have to read up on that. By the way, how do you know a woman is attractive?
Days 74 - 77
I am making some dreams about speaking to other people. I think I still have a mild social anxiety going on. I am not able to speak to anyone I would like to speak to. It scares me. Sometimes I ignore people I know while on the street. That's sad because I lose so much opportunities to make friends. Those dreams mean that something is going on in my mind about speaking to anyone. But as far as I can remember, I've never been able to go speak to strangers in my dreams. It always ends with me trying to motivate myself without any success.
Yesterday and the day before, I was quite sad. Not depressed as I was on stage 2. But nostalgic, thinking about all those opportunities I missed in my life, the decisions I should not have taken.
I've been reading through Shannon's Journal for 4 hours straight yesterday! I don't know why. I was really sleepy but I could not stop, I was fascinated. The subliminal's creation process fascinates me. The "metaphysical" posts Shannon made in his journal are also fascinating, even if I don't understand the half of what Shannon means. But the subliminal's creation process and all the systems Shannon seems to have made to ensure his subliminals are of the highest quality is what fascinates me the most.
I am more and more thinking of running OAA after stage 3 but I still need to have Shannon's approval to do so. I don't want to mess up my AM5 journey. InTheZone told me that AM5 has social things in it so I may as well wait until I've finished AM. But this thing is driving me so much. I want so much to be able to go speak to anyone. It's becoming obsessive.
Have a nice week,
-Adri
(03-30-2014, 07:25 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ] (03-30-2014, 07:18 AM)Adri Wrote: [ -> ]Hey SargeMaximus, no never been attracted to women. I can tell if a woman is attractive or not but women are my friends. Would never go out with them. I've read somewhere I don't remember (so don't take it for granted) that gay men could be there biologically to maintain the birth rate in control. Maybe that's why I don't want to "reproduce" myself
Fascinating, I'll have to read up on that. By the way, how do you know a woman is attractive?
The same way you can tell if a guy looks good I think
And yes homosexuality is really a fascinating subject! That's one of the reason I want to study psychology next year. Hopefully I'll learn things that will help me understand my "natural purpose"
Do you have any desire to have biological children?
(03-30-2014, 11:27 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]Do you have any desire to have biological children?
No not at all. If I have children, I will adopt them. I don't like the fact that the child will only have a half of the genes of my couple. I would find this disturbing. So I prefer adopting.
But why have children at all if not to fulfill a biological urge to have them?