Days 63 - 64
I felt more and more like something was sinking inside me. Nothing else happened on this stage.
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Stage 3
Days 65 - 68
So I'm 4 days into Stage 3 and this stage is just amazing guys! First day I used Stage 3, I woke up more energized. I was still tired during the day, but much better than with Stage 2.
The first thing I have noticed is that I am now more social, a little bit like how it was with ASC. But it's in a more refined way I find. I am now "more alpha". What I mean by that is that I handle difficult situations with more ease and keeping my calm. For example, yesterday we got our trimester report on how good we did at school. Mine was quite bad, but the explanation is just below, in the discussion I had with a teacher. So as I said we got our reports and the teacher told me that my grades were sinking. I told "Yes, I know". I saw he wanted to discuss further to "bring me back on the right track". But I did not want to, so I took my report casually and told him "Thanks." and I went back to my seat. But he
really wanted to talk so he told me:
- "Hey, you should try to work a little bit more"
- "I don't really know, I don't think so." I replied and took one step further. But he was not finished.
- "Why ?"
- "Because, you know, that's not the kind of studies I want to do. I don't want to be involved with mathematics. I will go to the university study psychology next year."
- "So why are you still coming to school ?"
- "Because if I don't, my parents will lose the money they get from the state, and we would struggle to live without that money" (that's how it works in Belgium, the parents get money from the state to support their child's education.)
- "You know what ? I think you are just confirming my point that we should not allow the parents to receive any money from the state if their child has not got good grades!"
- "I know, I don't say you're wrong, but I have no other choice." And I went finally back to my seat.
So this thing was handled pretty well because I did not enter in any debate. I just said I did not say he was wrong and let the thing fade away. Before AM, I would have debated and the two of us would probably have got angry. But this thing was handled quite well.
I had other points of disagreement with my teachers, all handled pretty well. Thanks AM.
Apart from this, I noticed today that I make more eye contact and that I notice more guys I would want to talk to. I do not have made any move at the moment, but I hope AM will help me approach some guys I don't know. Today there were many seats available in the bus but I noticed a guy I find attractive and something invisible just pushed me to go sit next to him. I did not talk to him but that's one step further! I'm only on day 4 of stage 3, remember !
My voice has also changed. It's more deep, and more assertive. My inflexions, instead of going up at the end of each phrases as I used to do, now go down unless it's a question. That's great stuff, since I have already tried before AM to make my inflexions go down by willpower but it did not work out.
I also went to the gym today, and I gave the machine I was working with to a guy who was waiting for his turn. He asked me if I had finished my reps and I told him that yes I was finished, don't worry. All of that was said in total confidence. This guy is the kind of guy I would have been scared of before, because of his big muscles and his dominant face. But he responded to me with a smile and a wink and said thanks. I now see him as a cool guy! Not my type of guy, but a cool guy! It's funny how scary people on the outside are beautiful in the inside. I think I should not judge anyone by his/her outside. If a guy seems to be a dick (like the guy at the gym), it does not mean he is. This is huge, because I have always understanded this concept on a logical level, but have never seen it applied. And this is amazing!
So that's all for today, I think you've got enough to read for the 2 next years
-Adri