Subliminal Talk

I'm a couple days into stage 2 and I'm definitely noticing a few things coming up. No negativity really, but thoughts of me wanting to lash out at anybody that dares to take advantage of me. I'm still very sociable when called for but at the same time, I feel content on just being alone and thinking about various things... me still wanting to live in San Diego (it will happen someday and probably it will be when I least expect things to line up... however it's important to put that intention out there and work towards it)...
I'm thinking less of getting that woman right now... more pressing things in the meantime like working on my confidence and various projects I've been putting off and want to get them finished. Still, I do make some time to go out and socialize but it's not like I 'need' to.
Further detaching from outcomes is coming into fruition.
One example of this (and a good one at that) is the whole "eye game" thing with women. I used to worry or get down whenever I would look at a women I found attractive and they didn't play it back (in other words, I was looking for it at times and it felt "forced". But now, its like I do it only when I feel like and I approach it in a more "fun" way so when and if I don't get the eye contact and smile back, no problemo. But I'm getting more and more women checking me out so that issue will no longer be one.
I'm heading to Memphis TN this Wednesday (Wolfchase Galleria and or course some free wings and some sangria to top that off!) That's all the details I'm gonna give about my M-town trip!
Alpha Male is working its magic...

Felt kinda moody today but at the same time, I wasn't caring too much about it. It's only to be expected for me to encounter rough patches from time to time. One thing that I'm noticing despite my moodiness is that I'm growing more confident in some of my day to day activities. Also I'm catching myself touching others a bit more when I talk vs. in times past where I normally keep my hands to myself (that is something that I NEVER to my knowledge did). My speech is also slowing down a bit. I used to talk very fast and get my words jumbled up. I dunno where that bad habit came from but I can feel it beginning to slip away. Finally...
So yes, my confidence is coming up incrementally.

I would have written a recap yesterday but I was very busy. My HS class had its reunion yesterday so I had that to look forward to (glad to see my old friends) + I have to work this weekend.
The reunion went very well. I got to talk with a few of my classmates and I felt rather awkward since it's been so long since I've seen them. But I had fun anyways. So a good few were rather full of questions to ask me and I got to show off some of my San Diego vacation pics. One of my classmates thought I've become a pro at photography or something. It's just something that I enjoy doing.
I had to answer a LOT of questions about me going to Hooters and of course salsa dancing to a few of my classmates (one being a girl that had question after question, lol). Since I was known as being very shy during my HS days, that came as quite a shock to a few of my classmates.
But do I have any regrets? nope. The only regret I have is not taking action MUCH earlier in life and start living it on my terms. That's my regret.
One girl that I was very fond of back in my HS days came up to me for a bit of chit-chat and she asked if I wanted my pic took with her. I told her that I'm wanting to move back to Cali and she goes like, "what's out there?" Of course I had to answer to that absurd question: EVERYTHING!

The first full week of Stage 2 threw me some curves. I know something is definitely working though. Most of the week, I've been moody and wanting to keep to myself (I'm chalking that up to some resistance my subconscious is throwing up at the stage 2 scripts). But will I stop and give up? NO. Today however, I seem to be in a better mood and there is a thought that keeps coming up to tell me to sell everything I can and be somewhat like a vagabond (in other words, travel around and take in Earth's beauty). I just find living day to day living in the same place rather dull (like, why am I doing this, does this serve a purpose to me besides giving me money so I can eat, go to salsa class, pester Hooters girls, and go to SoCal once every year?)
I've began to awaken from my "coma" (quoting from American Beauty) back a couple of years ago and started taking steps to change up my life. And Alpha Male is giving me a bigger push to go out and do my own thing.
So once I start my "vegabond" journey in full force, will I ever settle back down? When I get too old... And AFAIC, age is only a number and after all these years of being like a caged animal, the door is finally beginning to open.
A question to all of you: if one person were to write a biography on you, what would it be like?
It's a good thing that I started taking steps to change up my life. Now on to BIGGER steps!

The lethargy (and the "foggy head feeling" ) that I've been experiencing through stage 1 seems to be letting go somewhat... so I gather my brain's "muscles" are getting bulked up by the subs . I've been rather moody... mood swings bigtime from happy to annoyed, to angry, to depressed, back to happy.
I'm getting very annoyed with some of my coworkers. I'm trying to hold my tongue but I'm really wanting to lash out. I'm still wanting to move to Cali (but can't afford to atm!).
Also, my body is continuing to throw up resistance eg. sweating profusely under the arms at times... and I experienced this when I started doing mirror affirmations back in late 2008... subconscious putting up a fight I guess.
This is day 10 into stage 2 btw.

Nervous response. That will undoubtedly pass.

I'm sure it will!
I had a crazy dream last night and it had women in it. I remember waking up and I was extremely wet with sweat, esp. under the arms. I was like, WTH?! and I eventually got back to sleep. I woke up in a rather good mood (and still in a good mood now, lol).
I was flirting a bit with two lab techs yesterday at the hospital. I'm getting braver at making cheeky comments. I've always been one to be a smart-arse at times and I'm reckoning that quality will really come about once I get more confidence in place (which will be very soon!).
I got in yesterday from work and made my own variant of a Sangria (giving it a working name of a Ronatello until I can come up with something better)
Ingredients:
8 oz of Mtn. Dew (various flavours... livewire, Typhoon, regular, code red)
6 oz of Pinot Grigio
1 oz of Bicardi
Frozen fruit medley: strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries
2 slices of lime or lemon
1 Tsp of sugar
Let sit for a few minutes...
Umm, why am I writing this in my journal? lol Oh well!
I'm waiting for the fall foliage to become full tilt so I can go off leaf peeping and of course taking pics of the foliage. It's about to get started bigtime in my area due to the recent cool weather.. and it's been very dry as of late.

Time for the weekly recap!
I'm more inclined to be doing my own thing, and more things are beginning to really annoy me. My mood has been much better as of late... as of now it seems like I pulled out of the funk I was in earlier this week.
Yesterday being a very good example of being annoyed with people's BS: My supervisor made a discovery 4 bloody hours in our workshift that an area of the hospital wasn't covered... something that should have been caught on right at the get-go. I really hate incompetence and this hasn't been the only time this has happened...it's happening more and more frequently. The sooner I can find an awesome job out west and move out there, the better.
And the ones that teach the salsa class down in LR raised their rates from $8 (which IMO was too much to begin with) to $10 ($10 is average for a BIG city like San Diego but a bit much for Little Rock, IMHO). I'm not rich and I really don't like the way I'm treated by some of the others there so I'm taking a hiatus from the class. It's getting old anyways. I'm about to teach my basic salsa class (which I enjoy doing... introducing salsa to beginners) soon so I have that to look forward to.
As far as the "nervous reaction" of sweating, that is subsiding somewhat. I feel more relaxed now than even just a couple of weeks ago.
The bizarre dreams continue (lol). And as of lately, the dreams have women in them.
Thus far, the 6 months holiday in AlphaTon has been interesting.

Too bad you can't teach me salsa dancing. I have decided recently I am going to start taking dancing lessons for Latin and ballroom dancing so I can have a good time and be more interesting and interactive with worthwhile women.

Taking dance lessons is a great way to get to interact with women. Usually at Salsa clubs they have a beginner / introductory lesson before the general dancing starts. Usually they teach the standing basic, cross body leads and the basic turn. And what makes it even more fun is that they encourage rotation of partners during the lesson so one gets to dance with lots of women in a very short amount of time. It's also a good way to break the ice and get to know the women a bit.
I take my intermediate level lessons at a dance studio but it's always the same people that come...and there is only about 6 or so... occasionally more. It's getting boring, actually.
Today I spent most of the day indoors reflecting on what's been going on (another day of introspection). Tomorrow is going to be very busy for me so I was getting some rest, lol!!

I'm catching some of my acquaintances acting jealous. One coworker decided to draw on one of my pictures of me and a girl on my locker at work (he drew on the girl) so I showed my supervisor. He took the pic to the office for evidence. The coworker in question told another coworker he did it... the other coworker told me this and I had a hunch it was coworker #1 in question since he does NOT like me one bit (do I care? NO).
There is going to be more jealousy directed towards me in the future but oh well, so be it!
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More of the same with wacky dreams every night. My sweating under the arms has finally subsided and I feel much more at ease now than ever before (finally!!). I'm getting more attention from women since my neediness is getting stamped out little by little. I was actually quite needy to be honest before starting Alpha Male... to very needy early this year and coming from a scarcity mindset. Alpha Male is doing wonders on both counts. When I stopped doing the traditional affirmations and switching over completely to Shannon's Subs, the neediness begin to drop slow but steady. I do catch myself acting needy from time to time but it pales in comparison to even 6-12 months ago when it was very bad at times.

I accepted the fact that guys who felt beta may get jealous in your presence, whilst on the alpha man sub. It happens anyway, as an everyday occurence whether on the subs or not. There will always be someone who thinks you have something, they don't have.

Who knows, he may have wished he was in the picture with you instead of the girl.

LOL I hope not! Because he's totally unappealing. Nonetheless, he's going to be on the carpet bigtime tomorrow and it's my day off so I'm going to be missing the drama. I have heard through the grapevine that he called me (and a few others) a SOB (behind our backs of course... he doesn't have the guts to call that to my face. Tosser! ).
If he doesn't get the sack tomorrow I'll be surprised.
Hmm, let's see what kinds of wacky dreams I have tonight!

funny how people can still be immature a**h**** at any age and then be smug about it later on behind peoples backs

Right on Ronatello

Time for weekly recap. I'm into the 2nd half of stage 2 now and will start stage 3 the 27th of Oct. Thus far, things really haven't changed from last week. The mood swings continue (natch!) and a very subtle increase of confidence. I'm still wanting to keep to myself at times... I'm gathering that it's resistance to what's going on in the stage 2 scripts. I do get more women checking me out, saying hi, and whatnot vs. the past.
The subconscious is throwing up negative crap at times, causing me to doubt what's going on. I'm more emotionally cold towards others (but I still have emotion! ).
Talking to others seems a bit easier than in the past. No mindless repeating of affirmations needed. I do tell myself consciously that I'm doing just fine and just let it go, whether the interaction is good or not.