Stage 6 Day 11
Anyways last two days was a bit of a fight. Due to escalation like a slow grandpa . i lost a pussy..
i blame AM5 for making me TOO CHILL . HAHAHAH .
jokes aside . i need to run SM3.
seriously i still cant believe i wasnt horny enough to rip her clothes off and just drill it in . wtf.
i was kissing and licking and rubbing like a slow turtle and decided to just chill out =_=
so as i mentioned lessened learned...
but man last night dream was sooooo funny dude.
i was at a fuckin cave hole. where there is like hundreds of snakes.....
and i dont even know why i didnt get to wake up......
every like other minute i scream cause a snake craws by.
and this chick above me says dw they wont bite.
...and i still scream everytime one goes by.
shit goes on for like .....5 times or more....
later we got out.....
somehow...
the chick was naked O_O. jez i swear i seen her before or something.
was insanely cute and nice body...
next thing i know... i think it was a hospital bed she was lying on ...
i was went up kiss her....
then i started kissing all over her body and made her cum lol.
hmmmmm it was so vivid LOL
its werid i remember hre face and body and what it all looked like...
usually i dont remember dreams that much. everything was super clear from the dream this time...
Stage 6 Day 14
Today i decides to make a move. on this one girl i liked. and thought i was friendzoned but is still confused if i am friendzoned or not......
SO decided to just say fuck it . cause i wanted to figure it out. either way...whats really up.
was defly 10 times harder then approach a 9.5 looking girl.
and.... result is im still confused LOL
HAHAHA. she looked like she is too.
fuck man. well figure it out in next couple days....
i bought these new speakers . with just playing stream .
it says its 360. cause theres speaker on each side.
im pretty sure the build in effect wont really matter with the sub right?
Stage 6 Day 17
Shit guys.... im in love =_= .
i have always been that guy.... who would have love of affection in first sight.
but i have grew strong enough to handle my emotions regarding to it...
but this time i fell in again O_O. after a month....
i thought i could of just tell myself that we can just be friends.... but after a month i realized.... i enjoy myself even more..around her.
Oh well. ill see what will happen.
Stage 6 Day 20
My Gosh. Can it be more challenging then this shit.?
seriously. not one time. i find that of all 6 stages i would end up fuckin myself over on stage 6 .
stage 1 was depressing but nothing like this.
it drives me nuts. that i am invested into this girl that much.
i guess it took 1 month of sub for me to realize that i actually fuckin like her. and boom made a move.
shit went sideways. and was still unclear. WTF.
so weekend all 4 days my emotion is like a rollarcoaster .
one moment im like . Whatever. no big deal. girls every where so easy to find.....
next moment im like. holy shit..... do i even like her?
next moment im like. ......da hell is this? im depressed? ...what is this a joke?..
next moment im laughing. and thinking why even bother stressing out just make another move next time u see her...
next moment im stressing... wow da hell am i gonna do.
and....... this depression is fucked up to be honest =_= ...
its funny i was flying through all 6 stages without much depression or anger or anything sort of anything at all.
only when something in my life. is effecting my mood or mind. then that feeling gets exponentially increased and it really fucks ... my chest energy up a lot .
Oh....well tomorrow is the day. to know.
sigh ....
Stage 6 DAy 23
i swear this is the most fucked up thing thats ever happened right before i go to bed
so i went to bed feeling all good and all......
closed my eyes.
thought about this girl......and then day dreamed . about fuckin her.... and all that stuff
next thing i know is ...
my chest starts to get super stuffy....while im thinking about it....
and even worst ... the chest energy gets super dense....
to the point i had to get up out of my bed.....and i have hard time breathing .....
thats how strong it is..... and plus im getting a light headache too.
never have i had this ....in any stage of AM5. or anywhere near this feeling....
WHAT THE FUCK?
pretty sure its not AM5.....
cause i thought i was horny and somethings not right
so i went to watch some good porn. and wacked it off..
and guess what
the fuckin energy is still there.
i tried letting go and all that shit..... 99% of the time it works. this time somehow isnt moving one single inch....and its still stuffy as hell.....
and i CANT FUCKIN SLEEP. its dam 3am. dam it.
what the helll is this....?????????
lungs/chest usually anchor grief/sadness. try breathing, cough it out a bit, give attention to any grief/sadness that might be in there. plus see a doctor for a cardiac workup just in case.
The dense energy means that your heart chakra is blocked. Are you into any type of energy healing work like releasing/tai chi/kundalini/EFT?
i use to do kundalini yoga.
i still do regular meditation. not every day.
How does it end up being blocked?
i know why...it got blocked up though.
its this girl....that i have talked about before.
i thought i was friendzoned. but i didnt care after a while. made that move the other day.
didnt get really rejected ... but she left.
its been 2 weeks....
today i sit beside her....that same blockage.... instantly came up...
i couldnt help it but leave the classroom. to fuckin breath =_=
i got so ...worked up about it...
i was like holy fuck ima do something about it
still today i tried to make a move on her she didnt let me.... but still didnt reject me. FUCK THS SHIT period....
its making me fuckin frustrated ..
even worst... the whole thing was like fucked up =_=....
EDIT: she knows im making a move. but didnt let. but didnt reject me. omfg. she does have a long distance relationship. but i didnt care...
i didnt care about any signs that was blocking from what i wanted.
i just want her to know how i feel...... and if i get a no i get a no..... holy fuck
didnt even get a chance to express myself...
not to mention...my chest feels quite fucked up atm... reallllllll stuffy...
oh forgot to mention. feels like went too much into beta mode .... at this case.... weird.
sometimes i just screw up what im doing ....sigh.
I can't understand how in the world can you feel such neediness and portray such beta behavior after almost completing AM. Stage 6 is bringing up lot of issues that need to be addressed and, no wonder, there's been a hell of resistance. SO, I think your beta behavior is the direct byproduct of the unattended issues and resistance, which should go away once you regain your composure.
And, on top of all this shit, you have allowed that girl to act as a
stimulus and somewhat become dependent on her, you allowed her to be a part of your reality and not the other way around. If I were you I'd have left that girl, no matter how hard it is, and moved on.
You know, the good thing about girls is that they love to pet you, if you reach any of them with your 'Problem X', they can help you in so many ways, they will calm you, soothe you, support you, BUT given, that the girl, who will act as a counselor, is highly unlikely to go sexual with you.
So, pick up any of your female friend to whom you are attracted but not attached, sexually or otherwise, and OPEN UP to her, let go of yourself in her presence and she'll give all the care in the world you need, and also, let her be the light so you can see what is right for you. Just breathe in her presence and feminine energy and you shall do well.
i have had no conscious resistance or any depression with any stage , except stage 1.
it was only her thats annoying me. its not like depression . i have no words for it ...
the moment i saw her i liked her. (most of the time the moment i see girls i like them.)
fuck stories too long
but what needs to be done has to be done.
When u say. leave that girl .
fuck that shit?
leaving and not figuring out is more beta then anything else.
look at it this way.
i am THIS INVESTED into a girl and im able to pull my shit together to do whats should be done...
man there was time with girls im zero invested in . making out with them was a joke....sigh
i developed my feelings for her over a entire month. shes in my class dude cant just leave.
i have so much fun teasing her during class. i thought we were just friends....
then i thought to myself. no fuckin way i like her more then that.
and what do people usually do?
"im probly friendzone" or i bet she thinks of me as a friend .and have 100 things backing it up.
hell that was what I THOUGHT...
one day i thought about it.... well ima go for her until i get a rejection. i pulled my balls sacks together and was like. man.....this means loosing all those fun shit i have with her..
and so i did.....
and hell dude its the 3rd dam time i tried to make a move and didnt get a time she let me .
long story short theres other stuff but.
im fuckin not just gonna let this go. and wonder for the rest of my life why the hell did i not even get a NO or YES.
the only way ima get over this ... is going for a 4th time in a different way.
just gonna be blunt this time. make things easier and clear.
Sounds like you need to move on and adopt an abundance mentality.
i lied u guys are right.
fuck this shit .
got my self fucked up for a moment.
dont know how shit ended up filling my brains and dick like tat .
this investing into a girl issues at first sight. is my main issue every since i was in like 14.
wow i snapped out of this shit way....to slow
appreciate the inputs guys.
Time to play some game
Stage 6 day 25
My emotions is way too much dependent on outside conditions.
and because of this.... i feel really angry at myself...inside at the chest.
As well as when i am actually in certain moments i break from alpha back into beta mode. Depending on the situation and the girl. i notice this ....happening. sometimes i have to snap myself back. and most of the time this only happens AFTERWARDS.....when things are done...
fuckin intense anger .... sigh .
i swear i need to think with my dick and balls more often...
i swear the moment i start running SM3. ima think with my dick with every new girl i see and meet.
on to SM3 i go
Summary ... October has been the most ups and downs i had in a while . Insane emotional roller coaster. if i didnt have these experience before in overcoming. i would of broken down... already... and not function .
phewwww.... past suffering helps u become what u are today.