I needn't have worried about lady psychoanalyst as she was very helpful and kind today. She also kept crossing and uncrossing her legs for some reason.
Feelin' good, practicing piano (with metronome!) and going for singing practice in the evening. Got some translations gigs and got an offer for a stationary translation gig that'd have me move to Malaga, Spain for 6 weeks. I'm considering this, seeing as I have no singing gigs lined up here. It'd depend on the time and the money, we'll see.
I still get moments of anger and frustration and it's best when that happens to sleep it off if possible. I do get wonky dreams them, albeit none too unpleasant.
Felt really frustrated, exhausted mentally and physically and angry today for most of the day. I also ate too much (by which I mean - more than I should if I want to keep losing flab). Considering running HOWL for a spell there after Stage 0 (it'd take 2 months to burn off what I want to burn off should the program work according to the scrit), but we'll see.
I think the healing in the program is working through some proper unpleasantness and that's why I've been down today. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel better as I have a social gathering and I'd like to see some of that Stage 0 magic in social action.
I think an element of "heavy shite" just got cleared through somehow but I don't feel like doing a victory lap, not really.
Had some very funky dreams, it was about fear and being put in responsible leadership positions, I think.
I'm mostly getting anger which is a form of expression of "heavy shite" that comes to the surface every now and again. The anger bursts are kinda annoying, but they're lesser in extent then they were say, a week ago. So hopefully this indicates progress.
Playing the piano like mad (by which I mean - practicing regularily, heheh). I think this was a good idea and is going to get me lots of groupies and fame down the line.
Have some leads on singing jobs, just gotta make some new recordings. Already made plans with pianist-bro to do so.
When I was learning to ride an electric unicycle, I wanted to spend all day doing it because it was fun. But a week in, I discovered on a forum that it would come faster if I did only 20 to 30 minutes a day. Seemed like BS, but I tried it, and to my amazement, I went from struggling to mastery in just 3 days.
It turns out that trying to learn faster than your brain can build the neural pathways that result from the training input overloads it and slows down your progress.
No worries, you won't find me practicing the piano 5 hrs per day, that's very unlikely.
i just do it 3-4 times per day at somewhat regular intervals, 15 minutes per session tops. Besides, I'm not totally to new to piano (I read sheet music an' my crazy parents had me take piano lessons from ages 5 to 12 with a horrid shrew, so it's not a totally new skill for me. Also had 2 years of it at uni with a crazy-but-nice woman, she was a funny one
).
The horrid shrew part is annoying because I get angry at myself for making mistakes. I now when I start getting mad after making a mistake I need a break. This could take some un-doing.
The social gathering was nice but boring, not enough single attractive ladies to my liking, I'd have had to have gone on an outside hunt, lewl, and for that I need a proper party vibe, to go cold-calling. One occurence though would indicate people yet again started perceiving me as the leader of the group (some sort of mixup with the tables which I fixed, being the manly man I am). I did not experience any anxiety or anything like that which is good (I'd sometimes have it, especially after my mental health crisis no. 1).
Hoping for more social occasions in the future.
Feeling much better today, less angry, more focused. Singing practice went really well despite partying last night - preparing for audition recordings (yet again, oyy, but such is the process).
Today I felt like a Golden God of Sex and Song just walking around and listening to rock'n'roll.
That's the spirit.
I'm getting very friendly vibes from women like cashiers and bartenders. They keep looking me in the eyes and smiling, this does not happen all that often in customer service.
Neat! Hopefully this will continue. The occasional random woman also does this - just looks at me for a second, looks me in the eye, and then smiles broadly and usually goes about her business. It's nice.
Now I'm feeling, well, maybe not exhausted per se, but mentally tired (so it's enough with piano practice for the day). It's difficult projecting being the manliest man alive whilst being scared of the consequences, now is it? I'm also very salty versus the entire classical singing and music establishment. I really shouldn't have to be bumming it around rando auditions at my age and FRIGGIN' SKILL LEVEL, ARRRGH. Yes, I'm butthurt because I'm underaprecciated.
In the past two seasons, I participated in two projects and they both went on to win their creators numerous awards. See? All you have to do is hire me, why haven't people figured it out yet?
In case it helps, the grammar is incorrect when you say "It's {XYZ}, now is it?" unless you negate it before the subject (It's not {XYZ}, now is it?).
If it's not negated before the subject, then it must be negated after the subject:
It's difficult projecting being the manliest man alive whilst being scared of the consequences, now isn't it?
Pretty sure I remember that being the grammatically correct way to use that device.
I think you're correct! Thanks.
Had some very funky healing dreams, one definitely related to professional matters (it's annoying how much mobbing destroy's a person's mental health) and the other to lady-matters, with some interesting symbolism withn them.
Wonky Sensations made a bit of a comeback, with slight pain-pangs in the right heart area.
Feelin' pretty good, went to get morning singing practice in, listening to my loops now. Also on a lark decided to join a contact-improv class ran by an old lady-friend, we'll see whether it's fun and if there's fancy ladies (hopefully. I'm feelin' a touch lonesome, y'know?).
Had some more funky dreams, this time romance-related.
I got back to an old energy work regimen that should be good for many things. This includes shielding which I wasn't using anymore becuase I had DRS v2 (no subliminals in the regimen though, no worries).
That contact improv class was fun, there's three girls there I'd be interested in sexually and they're nice women. They were all very nice and some appeared to be drawn to me. Neat-o. We'll see what comes of it.
Otherwise, piano-playing and preparing for audition recordings. Being quite active in Internet forums devoted to esoteric/energy practices.