(02-23-2026, 03:06 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]That, my friend, is the ass kicking. 
It moves you forward at a good pace and doesn't care what you would do otherwise. Nice to see it works without needing to resort to brutality.
Yes. I went through the brutality on previous programs. I think I’m at a point where I was through the worst parts of it anyways. If it can bypass those worst parts altogether that would be a total game changer for those who have a lot to deal with. Tbh, most people would have given up instead of going through what I went through, so if they can do it in a much easier way, this will make success so much more achievable for more people.
Not too much to report today. Overall feeling pretty good. I had a dream of showing a beautiful foreign girl around town and then taking a chance and showing my interest in her and she responded positively and I think the story arc was leading to an intimate encounter, but either the dream ended there or I don’t remember the rest.
I didn’t get enough sleep last night and subsequently didn’t feel great today. It also felt like I was moving through some denser layers of emotional junk. I had to lay down for an hour in the afternoon to rest. Even so, this wasn’t anywhere near as uncomfortable as things used to be when pushing through tiredness or emotional healing.
(02-25-2026, 12:19 AM)Just Saiyan Wrote: [ -> ]I didn’t get enough sleep last night and subsequently didn’t feel great today. It also felt like I was moving through some denser layers of emotional junk. I had to lay down for an hour in the afternoon to rest. Even so, this wasn’t anywhere near as uncomfortable as things used to be when pushing through tiredness or emotional healing.
I'm getting something similar (the "I need to lie down" thing), I believe it's part of the ass-kicking because it's healing on steroids, boot-camp style. But the program is keeping me motivated to keep going no matter how exhausting it's gonna get.
We ain't no ninnies nor namby-pambies.
(02-25-2026, 02:08 AM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]I'm getting something similar (the "I need to lie down" thing), I believe it's part of the ass-kicking because it's healing on steroids, boot-camp style. But the program is keeping me motivated to keep going no matter how exhausting it's gonna get.
We ain't no ninnies nor namby-pambies.
Yeah I think it’s going to be important to get proper sleep on this program with all it’s doing. That’s one of the things I need to sort out anyway is getting on a better sleep schedule so there we go.
Today I had some therapeutic work in the training I’m at. A deep layer of rage and disgust came out. It partially was rage and disgust at myself for having been the way I’ve been and hiding myself away from the world my whole life. It was very intense. I’m hoarse from screaming. And here I thought I was through the big stuff. The journey continues.
I had another productive therapeutic experience today. There was movement and release in the back of the heart area. I have long travel home tomorrow and I’m looking forward to resting afterward. I feel like I may have overdone the work in the last week and I need to see how things settle out now that I won’t be doing intense training and therapy for a while. I’m feeling ups and downs throughout the day and a few moments that feel like some kind of dam could be in the verge of bursting (in a good way)
Last night, an off night, I had a headache, like a mild migraine. I’ve had it before in the same spot. It’s definitely an energy thing. I could somewhat move it and lighten it with intention. It went away after a while. I woke up in the middle of the night with energy moving in my body, especially my spine. Today I drove all day. Going to bed now I have a feeling of being on the verge of feeling good but not quite there, maybe too tired.
This was another day of travelling. I found as i was tired later in the day I had a few really negative thoughts about myself. They were the kind of things that I was getting constantly in previous months before I started feeling better. In one case it was while thinking about something I recently did and cringing at it and the self talk was literally saying to myself, “fuck you, motherfucker” in an angry embarrassed way at what that past version of me did. I did this a couple times but was able to catch myself almost immediately and realize it was some insecurities coming up and realize I was just working through something. One of the things I cringed at was just me being myself and doing what I know I’m meant to be doing. There’s still a part of me that wants to hide away from the world and other people and not show my authentic self for fear of being judged or embarrassed. Me doing what I’m good at in a public way is going to be polarizing and I will get a lot of support and some people, maybe most, won’t understand it at all and others will probably get angry at it. So I need to become confident in myself and not need validation from others or care at all about what others think of me and what I do.
I was angry today at people doing dumb stuff. People seemed like they were in my way too much. I also had some more moments of the negative self talk and the cringing at past actions.
Tonight I went to pick up some pizza. I noticed the girl before I walked in the door and saw her in the back kitchen wearing short shorts. She came out to the register. The guy brought my order out and went back to the kitchen as she rang me up. She was probably early 20s, bubbly and friendly and not bad looking at all. As I was about to turn around to leave she said, “by the way I like your jacket, the color goes great with your hair.” I said something like “oh thank you” and smiled and laughed. I didn’t know what to say beyond that. She said “well have a good night” as I turned and left. I wish I had anything else to say to carry on from there. She obviously was into me. I have rarely had any woman be that blatant about it other than a few times. In the past, even when the woman has been even more direct than that, I couldn’t possibly believe she was actually attracted to me. That didn’t even exist as a reality for me. She would pretty much have to start making out with me for me to realize that she wasn’t just being friendly. At least this time, right after I left, I realized that she was obviously signalling she was attracted to me. That’s progress I guess. I think it’s now possible for me to see myself as an attractive man, and believe that more than a rare few women could be attracted to me. I don’t have the social skills or confidence yet to go any further than that, but we’ll see how this progresses.
(Yesterday, 12:28 AM)Just Saiyan Wrote: [ -> ]Tonight I went to pick up some pizza. I noticed the girl before I walked in the door and saw her in the back kitchen wearing short shorts. She came out to the register. The guy brought my order out and went back to the kitchen as she rang me up. She was probably early 20s, bubbly and friendly and not bad looking at all. As I was about to turn around to leave she said, “by the way I like your jacket, the color goes great with your hair.” I said something like “oh thank you” and smiled and laughed. I didn’t know what to say beyond that. She said “well have a good night” as I turned and left. I wish I had anything else to say to carry on from there. She obviously was into me. I have rarely had any woman be that blatant about it other than a few times. In the past, even when the woman has been even more direct than that, I couldn’t possibly believe she was actually attracted to me. That didn’t even exist as a reality for me. She would pretty much have to start making out with me for me to realize that she wasn’t just being friendly. At least this time, right after I left, I realized that she was obviously signalling she was attracted to me. That’s progress I guess. I think it’s now possible for me to see myself as an attractive man, and believe that more than a rare few women could be attracted to me. I don’t have the social skills or confidence yet to go any further than that, but we’ll see how this progresses.
This is awesome!
I mean, what else are you supposed to do?
Some contrived scenario where you spin that into a conversation about shopping and ask this complete stranger on a date?
If it’s somewhere you go often, maybe chat her up and get her name next time!
(Yesterday, 03:18 AM)treble Wrote: [ -> ]This is awesome!
I mean, what else are you supposed to do?
Some contrived scenario where you spin that into a conversation about shopping and ask this complete stranger on a date?
If it’s somewhere you go often, maybe chat her up and get her name next time!
Thanks. Yeah it’s somewhere I go fairly often so there will likely be a chance to see her there again. I definitely have a tendency to try to run away from social interactions with strangers, but now that I have a pretty clear signal that she’s friendly and open, I hope to be able to chat a bit next time and see what happens.
Last night I had a dream that a doctor took a biopsy of a slice of my brain and had all these layers of it to look at and there were all these objects, kind of like patterns in each layer. I said, “what is that doc?” I fully expected him to say those are tumors, but I think in the dream I didn’t think they were and was going to disregard his opinion that they were. But I don’t think I ever got his answer before I woke up. When I woke up, I thought I was maybe working through subconscious fears of cancer or that there’s something deeper “wrong” with me, although I’m not consciously afraid of getting cancer. Now that we’re all realizing this program has BROP, I’m thinking it could be that the dream was about clearing stuff out of or working on my brain.