Subliminal Talk

So a lot has happened in the past five years and I haven’t made much time in the last few years to do any subliminals since I’ve been incredibly busy. Many career changes have happened as well as two moves. I no longer live in New Orleans. I lived in Huntsville for a year and now I live in Chattanooga.

So just a quick rundown of what I’ve experienced so far:

Stage one you could say it was pretty uneventful as far as the social aspect is concerned. However I have started working out again as I have gained some weight after Covid in 2020. As of late, I have been working hard to get the weight off again. I have to admit I don’t know shit about lifting but I’m doing the best I can right now until I find someone who knows what they’re doing to help me out a little bit. I have also started to take martial arts classes, particularly Krav Maga, and Muaythai but I also took one jujitsu class so far. I’m thoroughly enjoying it and ironically it’s right across the street from my work.

Emotionally, It’s been a violent ride, but this is before I even started this run of AM6. Lots of depression, feeling like a failure in life, and comparing myself to others, has been rampant. I think I’m starting to get over it but only time will tell at this point. Nevertheless, I’m trying my best to improve my life the best I can. I’ve learned to cook in the last year and it’s become one of my passions.

I started stage two I think a week ago. Once again, not much has happened, but I made a point to do something and I actually did it.

There is a girl I’ve had my eye on at church. Incredibly beautiful. Well, Sunday, I decided to approach and ask her out to coffee. this is how the conversation went. I probably made some mistakes but I don’t care. I’m just glad I did it. I made my way outside where everyone was congregating, and she made her way into my direction and and I said “hi how are you” she said it very politely. And here is how the conversation went:

Me: excuse me can I ask you something?
Her: Yes what is it?
Me: look, I’ve seen you around before and I’d be pretty mad at myself. If I was too scared to come and talk to you and at least say hi to you. What’s your name?
Her: I’m K (just using her first initial)

I introduced myself and asked her if she was a Tennessee native and she said that she was not that she was actually from Oklahoma. we exchanged a few words, and it was a very pleasant conversation.

At the end of it all, I said:

Me: So K, actually have to get going but if you’re open to it, I’d love to take you out for coffee sometime

She said she appreciated the offer and I couldn’t really say what her reason was because there was a bunch of people around us talking, so it was kind of hard to hear, and my head was spinning, like a top from nervousness. But miraculously kept my composure. From that point I simply said, OK I understand and she thanked me for my understanding. From that point, I told her that I was still happy that I came and talk to her that it was great meeting her and have a great day we shook hands and then I went home.

So I did not get a date out of this. But I did get something. The overcoming of my fear and the realization that rejection is no big deal, and that it doesn’t have to always be unpleasant. Part of me thought I would end up walking away, dejected and defeated but ironically, I walked away, smiling. This was a breakthrough moment for me. I had actually asked out somebody that I actually liked even though I didn’t get a not date out of it. I’m still proud of myself. This must be the part of the subliminal where I am completely unaffected by rejection. I Can’t say that I’m not at least a little disappointed that she said no. But I’m happy that I got to talk to a pretty fantastic girl. I’m sure I’ll see her around.

I am excited to see what this run has to bring me in the next 4 to 5 months.

I made a decision to get out of my comfort zone and go to something (I.e. a social gathering) today. So I think the extraversion training is doing its thing.

I forgot to mention in my last post that I’m trying to do the online dating thing. So far no results with that but I’m not in a hurry. Still got K on my mind (See last post). I don’t know why, but consciously, I know I need to get over it. I’m not sad or depressed about the situation, and logically I know that there are other girls out there. But damn I just can’t get her off my mind.

Hoping that AM6 will help me get over this “one”-itis bullshit.

staying the course, and staying hopeful

EDIT: also forgot to mention that I started reading the alpha male book by John Alexander. I don’t really like it but I know it’s highly recommended for the sub to work. So I’m trying to power through it.

Noticing that I want to do more. Doing serious thinking about my finances and how I need to tackle debt. 

Though I’m not unhappy at my job. I do feel like I’m selling myself short. Not unhappy, just bored and dissatisfied. 

Trying to figure out where to go from here.

Depression hitting hard today. I don’t think it’s the sub but I’m feeling pretty worthless. Hoping it doesn’t affect me at class tonight.

Considering looking for other jobs

Shit!!!!!! I forgot to turn on the sub last night! Do I need to start the whole program over again? I forgot how this works

I think for 5G it was something like 1.5x to make up or something like that. To simplify it you can just add 2 days or something. It’s not the end of the world if you get 1 day wrong. But if you’re worried, air on the side of adding an extra day.

(12-13-2023, 03:52 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I think for 5G it was something like 1.5x to make up or something like that. To simplify it you can just add 2 days or something. It’s not the end of the world if you get 1 day wrong. But if you’re worried, air on the side of adding an extra day.

Thank you, Frosted. I’ve reset my countdown for stage 2 to New Years Eve morning.

Depression has been hitting very hard this week. I am starting to really notice how much I am tying my self worth to dating and women. I have been getting very down on myself, because of my lack of success. I know that I am not that far into the program but I know it’s supposed to reduce or eliminate neediness. Perhaps this is a moment where the sub is helping me to work through a lot of the bullshit and maybe bringing a lot of things to the surface. Perhaps it’s forcing me to face parts of myself that I don’t like.

I am happy that I have at least been putting myself out there and trying to at least consider the prospect of dating.

But I have to admit the lack of results in that department has really been getting me down.

Has anyone else experienced this or is it just me?

Happy New Year!

Started Stage 3 After midnight.

The only thing I can report as of late is that I felt a lot of depression in the last month. I think this is merely due to feeling isolated as I am still “new” so to speak in this town I think there’s a strong desire to want to reach out and connect with other people. There is an event going on today with the young adult group I’m in that I’m still debating whether or not I want to go to. Perhaps this is a good start.

I’m still working on trying to lose the weight again so far I’ve made it below 200 so I think I’m making progress from where I was at around 220. I had to sit out a week from both working out and martial arts because I hurt my knee at Muay Thai on the Thursday before Christmas. My knee is feeling better, so I’m ready to get back into it.

So I’m not sure if these are telltale signs, but I think I might be resisting the sub.

At a couple of gatherings that I’ve been to in the last week, there was definitely a significant amount of neediness that I felt. A lot of social anxiety and a lot of old insecurities bubbling to the surface. A lot of feelings of inadequacy. at these gatherings I definitely noticed about myself I was giving off submissive body language that is tightening up, hands in pockets, looking unsure of myself, avoiding eye contact with certain people speaking low, And a little (internal) sensitivity to rejection. These gatherings did not go bad overall and I met a lot of great people. But I definitely noticed a lot about things about myself that we’re not good.

Just to clarify, I am currently using ultrasonic silent track.

Also, I’m noticing a lot of tiredness lately. But it’s also because I haven’t been drinking as much coffee which hasn’t been intentional by the way I just happen to not be drinking so much on some days.

I wouldn't refer to that as resistance.

What is generally happening when you notice that is that it's digging those things up from inside you, and when it's being worked on it becomes more obvious kind of like in a dark room with a flashlight being shined on it. And as you're going through it those things will stand out more.

So it's part of the process.

(01-07-2024, 04:22 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]I wouldn't refer to that as resistance.

What is generally happening when you notice that is that it's digging those things up from inside you, and when it's being worked on it becomes more obvious kind of like in a dark room with a flashlight being shined on it. And as you're going through it those things will stand out more.

So it's part of the process.

I can vouch for this.

(01-07-2024, 04:22 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]I wouldn't refer to that as resistance.

What is generally happening when you notice that is that it's digging those things up from inside you, and when it's being worked on it becomes more obvious kind of like in a dark room with a flashlight being shined on it. And as you're going through it those things will stand out more.

So it's part of the process.

Interesting. Can’t wait to see more of what the stage brings.