Subliminal Talk

(10-22-2023, 08:53 AM)MrGnome Wrote: [ -> ]Welp After some thinking time I guess this is what's gonna happen:

4 month's of Aura of Love (minus the days I already did).

6 month's of OGSF2

Thats 10 month's hopefully that would be enough for Both Shanon to make ASC 6G and for me to save some money to buy it.

And then Use ASC Till AM7 comes out.

You guess?  That doesn't sound very confident.  Make uppa you mind, eh?    Make your choice, commit to it fully and get behind that choice 100%.  You will see that the Universe loves to get behind you when you do this.  

Being specific about your goals and intentions makes a huge difference.  Especially if you write them down and keep them visible.  I suggest you write this down by hand, and put it somewhere you'll see it every day for at least a few minutes, and the more time, the better:

Quote:My current specific goals are to use Aura of Love for a total of 4 months, then use Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear for a total of at least 6 months (or until Absolute Self Confidence 6G comes out), and use Absolute Self Confidence 6G until Alpha Male v7 in 6G comes out.  Then I use Alpha Male 7.0 in 6G as instructed.  All of this is to achieve my major goal of successfully growing myself into a self sufficient, fully capable man who is an adult in actions, choices and self identity, which allows me to successfully achieve even bigger goals.

Notice exactly how that goal statement is phrased.  It does not say "I will", it uses current tense.  This prevents your subconscious from being able to play BS lawyer games because it's in future tense, since the future never comes.

Write that down exactly as I've worded it, and post it where you'll see it every day.  As you achieve each sub-goal, re-write this goal by hand without the goals you have already achieved, until you've achieved all of the goals.  And every time you achieve one of the sub-goals, reward yourself in a way that makes you happy, without contributing to your current challenges.  In other words... food of any kind is not a suitable reward for you, and you should never use it as such.

Reward yourself in ways that make you happy, celebrate your success and make you feel like you've been acknowledged as having succeeded, even if only by yourself.  Give yourself something to look forward to as you achieve each goal.  Positive reinforcement, NOT negative reinforcement!

Quote:You guess?  That doesn't sound very confident.  Make uppa you mind, eh?  Wink  Make your choice, commit to it fully and get behind that choice 100%.  You will see that the Universe loves to get behind you when you do this.

Yeah old Habbit die hard but that doesn't mean I'm not going to give it my all! Heck I just bought the stuff I got left on my wanted list and will now stop buying pointless stuff to save the money needed to succeed my Journey To Adulthood and become an Alpha Male! 

Quote: Being specific about your goals and intentions makes a huge difference.  Especially if you write them down and keep them visible.  I suggest you write this down by hand, and put it somewhere you'll see it every day for at least a few minutes, and the more time, the better:

My current specific goals are to use Aura of Love for a total of 4 months, then use Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear for a total of at least 6 months (or until Absolute Self Confidence 6G comes out), and use Absolute Self Confidence 6G until Alpha Male v7 in 6G comes out.  Then I use Alpha Male 7.0 in 6G as instructed.  All of this is to achieve my major goal of successfully growing myself into a self sufficient, fully capable man who is an adult in actions, choices and self identity, which allows me to successfully achieve even bigger goals.

Notice exactly how that goal statement is phrased.  It does not say "I will", it uses current tense.  This prevents your subconscious from being able to play BS lawyer games because it's in future tense, since the future never comes.

Write that down exactly as I've worded it, and post it where you'll see it every day.  As you achieve each sub-goal, re-write this goal by hand without the goals you have already achieved, until you've achieved all of the goals.  And every time you achieve one of the sub-goals, reward yourself in a way that makes you happy, without contributing to your current challenges.  In other words... food of any kind is not a suitable reward for you, and you should never use it as such.

I can do that Heck not only will I write it in English I will write it in Dutch (my native language) too. 

I can place it behind my closet just to make sure I wont get any conflict about it. 

it will be challenging to stop getting unneeded food but like I said I'm going to stop wasting money on it, Not when I can finally Become an Alpha! 

It might take a 2 or 3 years but I know it will be worth it  . (just need to find a way to train my self controll and willpower since I seriously lack in those right now...) 

Quote:Reward yourself in ways that make you happy, celebrate your success and make you feel like you've been acknowledged as having succeeded, even if only by yourself.  Give yourself something to look forward to as you achieve each goal.  Positive reinforcement, NOT negative reinforcement!

hmm I do wonder with what though.. food is out of question and I buy my own games... then again if I get to focus myself more on my hobbies instead of pointless distraction than it would make things alot easier already.

(also I'm sure the reason why I always say things with lack of confidence is because I'm aware of my lack of self controll and lack of will power, So I guess the fear to mess up is always around the corner...)

Alright, let's make sure you understand a few things better than I think you do here.

First... your goal is to use AM to become a self sufficient adult man.  Not an "alpha male".  Why?  Because you have to be an adult male before you can work on becoming an alpha, and for your purposes, alpha male isn't necessary right now.  There's a lot of BS out there about "alpha male", and that's just going to confuse you.  Your goal is to become a self sufficient, self reliant, self responsible adult man.  If, after you achieve that, you want to become an alpha, then you can worry about that.  For now, "alpha male" is a secondary goal.  Right now, we're looking for an adult man who can take care of himself and his business.

I suggest you do not try to write that in Dutch, because it can change meaning in translation, and create conflict between what your conscious and subconscious minds understand it to mean.  Just leave it in English, and use the wording I have provided.

Quote:it will be challenging to stop getting unneeded food but like I said I'm going to stop wasting money on it, Not when I can finally Become an Alpha!

Here I need to point out a couple things.  First, you're effectively using as an affirmation that it will be challenging to top getting unnecessary food.  This is what your current subconscious and probably conscious programming is, and you're re-affirming it here, making it stronger.  It can be as easy as you want it to be.  You're just used to using food as your comfort/coping mechanism and have accepted that it will be challenging because so far, it has been.  But it has been because you don't have a different coping/comfort method yet and the emotional part of you only knows this one, and is going to hold on to it because it represents security.  What you need to do here is start opening yourself up to the fact that you can change, and you can change anything, and your coping/comforting methods are among those things that can change.  Effectively, you need to associate comfort and security with something besides food.  It's just a habit you'll be changing.  I'll get into that more later, but for now, just remember that it doesn't have to be difficult unless you make it difficult.

Second, again, the goal is not alpha male, the goal is adult man.  That is the necessary first step if you want to become an alpha.  After achieving adult man, you may decide how much further you want to go.

Quote:It might take a 2 or 3 years but I know it will be worth it  . (just need to find a way to train my self controll and willpower since I seriously lack in those right now...) 

It will take time to make these changes, and it's good that you understand that.  As for self control and willpower, what you're dealing with is an emotional subconscious self who wants different things than your conscious self does.  When the conscious and subconscious are in alignment, there is no need for willpower and self control.  We'll be working on getting that alignment using subliminals and such, but you're going to need to stay the course.

Quote:hmm I do wonder with what though.. food is out of question and I buy my own games... then again if I get to focus myself more on my hobbies instead of pointless distraction than it would make things alot easier already.

You might want to adjust what you consider a reward for success.  It should be something that you enjoy, and good options will include things that make you feel like you've gotten a pat on the back and had a good time.  Key words... had a good time.  This suggests that you may want to consider finding an activity that is rewarding for you.  For example, I like to go out metal detecting sometimes as a reward for getting enough done to have free time to do so.  Each year I reward myself for the hard work of the previous year with a vacation.  It lets me rest more fully than I can otherwise, and it allows me time to do fun things, like gem mining, gold panning and exploring the woods.  I also sometimes just go take a walk out in the woods near-ish my home and enjoy the sounds of nature and the time to relax, recharge and rejuvenate myself.  

You could also reward yourself with buying something you enjoy.  I don't know what your hobbies are, but it's worth considering things like starting a collection and rewarding yourself with additions to your collection, or maybe getting into some form of art creation and getting yourself supplies, or something along those lines regarding a hobby.  Lots of options to keep you busy and entertained.  You will find that when you're doing what you really love, food becomes a distraction and you'll be unlikely to want to eat outside of what is necessary.  I sometimes actually forget to eat and drink because of that, until my body says... "Hey!  I don't have enough energy for this!  Eat something, fool!"  I keep nuts on my desk so I can just pop a handful into my mouth and keep doing what I'm doing.

Point is, a suitable reward will be something that you really look forward to.

Quote:(also I'm sure the reason why I always say things with lack of confidence is because I'm aware of my lack of self controll and lack of will power, So I guess the fear to mess up is always around the corner...)

I think you say things with a lack of confidence is because you simply lack confidence.  Confidence results from certainty, which results from experiencing that something is certain.  If your experience has not been of certainty, then you will lack confidence.  To gain confidence, you have to find something where you can find certainty, and build from there.

For example, if you think about it, you're pretty confident you're going to wake up tomorrow.  You're pretty confident that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. You're pretty confident that a standard passenger car is going to have 4 wheels.  Why?  Because the experience you have says this is a consistent and predictable reality.

So where you lack confidence, you will need to either gain experience (doing that thing enough times), or gain enough experience having it give a consistent outcome.

(10-24-2023, 09:25 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Alright, let's make sure you understand a few things better than I think you do here.

First... your goal is to use AM to become a self sufficient adult man.  Not an "alpha male".  Why?  Because you have to be an adult male before you can work on becoming an alpha, and for your purposes, alpha male isn't necessary right now.  There's a lot of BS out there about "alpha male", and that's just going to confuse you.  Your goal is to become a self sufficient, self reliant, self responsible adult man.  If, after you achieve that, you want to become an alpha, then you can worry about that.  For now, "alpha male" is a secondary goal.  Right now, we're looking for an adult man who can take care of himself and his business.

I suggest you do not try to write that in Dutch, because it can change meaning in translation, and create conflict between what your conscious and subconscious minds understand it to mean.  Just leave it in English, and use the wording I have provided.

Quote:it will be challenging to stop getting unneeded food but like I said I'm going to stop wasting money on it, Not when I can finally Become an Alpha!

Here I need to point out a couple things.  First, you're effectively using as an affirmation that it will be challenging to top getting unnecessary food.  This is what your current subconscious and probably conscious programming is, and you're re-affirming it here, making it stronger.  It can be as easy as you want it to be.  You're just used to using food as your comfort/coping mechanism and have accepted that it will be challenging because so far, it has been.  But it has been because you don't have a different coping/comfort method yet and the emotional part of you only knows this one, and is going to hold on to it because it represents security.  What you need to do here is start opening yourself up to the fact that you can change, and you can change anything, and your coping/comforting methods are among those things that can change.  Effectively, you need to associate comfort and security with something besides food.  It's just a habit you'll be changing.  I'll get into that more later, but for now, just remember that it doesn't have to be difficult unless you make it difficult.

Second, again, the goal is not alpha male, the goal is adult man.  That is the necessary first step if you want to become an alpha.  After achieving adult man, you may decide how much further you want to go.

Quote:It might take a 2 or 3 years but I know it will be worth it  . (just need to find a way to train my self controll and willpower since I seriously lack in those right now...) 

It will take time to make these changes, and it's good that you understand that.  As for self control and willpower, what you're dealing with is an emotional subconscious self who wants different things than your conscious self does.  When the conscious and subconscious are in alignment, there is no need for willpower and self control.  We'll be working on getting that alignment using subliminals and such, but you're going to need to stay the course.

Quote:hmm I do wonder with what though.. food is out of question and I buy my own games... then again if I get to focus myself more on my hobbies instead of pointless distraction than it would make things alot easier already.

You might want to adjust what you consider a reward for success.  It should be something that you enjoy, and good options will include things that make you feel like you've gotten a pat on the back and had a good time.  Key words... had a good time.  This suggests that you may want to consider finding an activity that is rewarding for you.  For example, I like to go out metal detecting sometimes as a reward for getting enough done to have free time to do so.  Each year I reward myself for the hard work of the previous year with a vacation.  It lets me rest more fully than I can otherwise, and it allows me time to do fun things, like gem mining, gold panning and exploring the woods.  I also sometimes just go take a walk out in the woods near-ish my home and enjoy the sounds of nature and the time to relax, recharge and rejuvenate myself.  

You could also reward yourself with buying something you enjoy.  I don't know what your hobbies are, but it's worth considering things like starting a collection and rewarding yourself with additions to your collection, or maybe getting into some form of art creation and getting yourself supplies, or something along those lines regarding a hobby.  Lots of options to keep you busy and entertained.  You will find that when you're doing what you really love, food becomes a distraction and you'll be unlikely to want to eat outside of what is necessary.  I sometimes actually forget to eat and drink because of that, until my body says... "Hey!  I don't have enough energy for this!  Eat something, fool!"  I keep nuts on my desk so I can just pop a handful into my mouth and keep doing what I'm doing.

Point is, a suitable reward will be something that you really look forward to.

Quote:(also I'm sure the reason why I always say things with lack of confidence is because I'm aware of my lack of self controll and lack of will power, So I guess the fear to mess up is always around the corner...)

I think you say things with a lack of confidence is because you simply lack confidence.  Confidence results from certainty, which results from experiencing that something is certain.  If your experience has not been of certainty, then you will lack confidence.  To gain confidence, you have to find something where you can find certainty, and build from there.

For example, if you think about it, you're pretty confident you're going to wake up tomorrow.  You're pretty confident that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. You're pretty confident that a standard passenger car is going to have 4 wheels.  Why?  Because the experience you have says this is a consistent and predictable reality.

So where you lack confidence, you will need to either gain experience (doing that thing enough times), or gain enough experience having it give a consistent outcome.

1:Sorry I assumed AM would turn the user into an alpha male by default my bad... 

2:I already wrote it in both english and dutch,Should I write it again or should I just cut the dutch part off with a sissor?

3:I always try to stay on the current programme unless there's a big problem I need to fix first but these goals are going to kill off the big problem, So Yes I will keep fighting and stay on them no matter what may come  .

4:A collection huh? I'm almost done with my smash bros amiibo collection just need 1 more that comes out in 2024 but I got more collections that I can use as reward. 

5:My hobbies are gaming,creating youtube video's/video editing, (but the need for validation and the lack of viewers might temper my motivation a little bit..),Singing and dancing (Singing is pretty much the same as with the youtube video making.. and Dancing is the lack of Parties to visit although I do feel uncomfy walking into a random party all by myself though and the fact I'm still overweight..)

But soon i'm going to an event to meet other people with autism at the end of november with my lifestyle coach and she's trying to get me into theatre for my hobbies.. So things might get easier into the future  .

The important part is, Is that I stay patient and keep using the experiences so I can reach my goals into becomming an capable adult man and start losing the negativity I was raised with.

Day 14th:

dont know if this experience has auto config but since the first Day,I felt the want to use an extra loop but I wanted to do things correctly.

Except last night,When I got scared while trying to sleep and I was already done with the first loop, I tried to resist but I really wanted to get over said fear.

So I used another Loop of Aura of Love and the fear was gone (note: that they weren't connected..) and I have to say despite being more tired I also felt kinda good actually.

I had costumers talking to me at work wich is normal,Except for that the same guy who asked me last monday for free coffee,came back today and greeted me (I didn't see him) so he walked to me while I was working,Apperently who got free coffee from someone else now (since I sorta refused it without saying it out right..)

So after a little conversation we said our goodbyes and I continued working, dont know if its related to this experience but it's rare to meet the same person in the same week.

Also someone in the bus offered me a seat, wich was also kinda rare,

so yeah with 2 loops I could say that while being tired (wich is not a new thing even before I started using experiences xD) I also felt pretty good today : ).

(still not good enough to beat the whole I want to go home mindset but overall still good)

(10-24-2023, 10:48 AM)MrGnome Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-24-2023, 09:25 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Alright, let's make sure you understand a few things better than I think you do here.

First... your goal is to use AM to become a self sufficient adult man.  Not an "alpha male".  Why?  Because you have to be an adult male before you can work on becoming an alpha, and for your purposes, alpha male isn't necessary right now.  There's a lot of BS out there about "alpha male", and that's just going to confuse you.  Your goal is to become a self sufficient, self reliant, self responsible adult man.  If, after you achieve that, you want to become an alpha, then you can worry about that.  For now, "alpha male" is a secondary goal.  Right now, we're looking for an adult man who can take care of himself and his business.

I suggest you do not try to write that in Dutch, because it can change meaning in translation, and create conflict between what your conscious and subconscious minds understand it to mean.  Just leave it in English, and use the wording I have provided.



Here I need to point out a couple things.  First, you're effectively using as an affirmation that it will be challenging to top getting unnecessary food.  This is what your current subconscious and probably conscious programming is, and you're re-affirming it here, making it stronger.  It can be as easy as you want it to be.  You're just used to using food as your comfort/coping mechanism and have accepted that it will be challenging because so far, it has been.  But it has been because you don't have a different coping/comfort method yet and the emotional part of you only knows this one, and is going to hold on to it because it represents security.  What you need to do here is start opening yourself up to the fact that you can change, and you can change anything, and your coping/comforting methods are among those things that can change.  Effectively, you need to associate comfort and security with something besides food.  It's just a habit you'll be changing.  I'll get into that more later, but for now, just remember that it doesn't have to be difficult unless you make it difficult.

Second, again, the goal is not alpha male, the goal is adult man.  That is the necessary first step if you want to become an alpha.  After achieving adult man, you may decide how much further you want to go.


It will take time to make these changes, and it's good that you understand that.  As for self control and willpower, what you're dealing with is an emotional subconscious self who wants different things than your conscious self does.  When the conscious and subconscious are in alignment, there is no need for willpower and self control.  We'll be working on getting that alignment using subliminals and such, but you're going to need to stay the course.


You might want to adjust what you consider a reward for success.  It should be something that you enjoy, and good options will include things that make you feel like you've gotten a pat on the back and had a good time.  Key words... had a good time.  This suggests that you may want to consider finding an activity that is rewarding for you.  For example, I like to go out metal detecting sometimes as a reward for getting enough done to have free time to do so.  Each year I reward myself for the hard work of the previous year with a vacation.  It lets me rest more fully than I can otherwise, and it allows me time to do fun things, like gem mining, gold panning and exploring the woods.  I also sometimes just go take a walk out in the woods near-ish my home and enjoy the sounds of nature and the time to relax, recharge and rejuvenate myself.  

You could also reward yourself with buying something you enjoy.  I don't know what your hobbies are, but it's worth considering things like starting a collection and rewarding yourself with additions to your collection, or maybe getting into some form of art creation and getting yourself supplies, or something along those lines regarding a hobby.  Lots of options to keep you busy and entertained.  You will find that when you're doing what you really love, food becomes a distraction and you'll be unlikely to want to eat outside of what is necessary.  I sometimes actually forget to eat and drink because of that, until my body says... "Hey!  I don't have enough energy for this!  Eat something, fool!"  I keep nuts on my desk so I can just pop a handful into my mouth and keep doing what I'm doing.

Point is, a suitable reward will be something that you really look forward to.


I think you say things with a lack of confidence is because you simply lack confidence.  Confidence results from certainty, which results from experiencing that something is certain.  If your experience has not been of certainty, then you will lack confidence.  To gain confidence, you have to find something where you can find certainty, and build from there.

For example, if you think about it, you're pretty confident you're going to wake up tomorrow.  You're pretty confident that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. You're pretty confident that a standard passenger car is going to have 4 wheels.  Why?  Because the experience you have says this is a consistent and predictable reality.

So where you lack confidence, you will need to either gain experience (doing that thing enough times), or gain enough experience having it give a consistent outcome.

1:Sorry I assumed AM would turn the user into an alpha male by default my bad...

It will, if you use it correctly for long enough.  But the goal is self sufficient adult man, which you need to focus on achieving before you try to go further.

Quote:2:I already wrote it in both english and dutch,Should I write it again or should I just cut the dutch part off with a sissor?

Write it again in English.  That will help reinforce it.

Quote:3:I always try to stay on the current programme unless there's a big problem I need to fix first but these goals are going to kill off the big problem, So Yes I will keep fighting and stay on them no matter what may come  .

Good to hear.

Quote:4:A collection huh? I'm almost done with my smash bros amiibo collection just need 1 more that comes out in 2024 but I got more collections that I can use as reward. 

I have rock and fossil collections.  Got some pretty neat stuff, too.  It's always exciting when I find a new piece for my collection.

Quote:5:My hobbies are gaming,creating youtube video's/video editing, (but the need for validation and the lack of viewers might temper my motivation a little bit..),Singing and dancing (Singing is pretty much the same as with the youtube video making.. and Dancing is the lack of Parties to visit although I do feel uncomfy walking into a random party all by myself though and the fact I'm still overweight..)

You can sing and dance without anyone else around, or sharing it with anyone, you know.  Don't forget to consider looking for new hobbies as well.

Quote:But soon i'm going to an event to meet other people with autism at the end of november with my lifestyle coach and she's trying to get me into theatre for my hobbies.. So things might get easier into the future  .

Sounds good.

Quote:The important part is, Is that I stay patient and keep using the experiences so I can reach my goals into becomming an capable adult man and start losing the negativity I was raised with.

Also, please remember that you can do all this without the experiences.  The experiences make it much easier and faster, but it is always within you to overcome any challenge you face.

(10-26-2023, 09:44 AM)MrGnome Wrote: [ -> ]Day 14th:

dont know if this experience has auto config but since the first Day,I felt the want to use an extra loop but I wanted to do things correctly.

Except last night,When I got scared while trying to sleep and I was already done with the first loop, I tried to resist but I really wanted to get over said fear.

So I used another Loop of Aura of Love and the fear was gone (note: that they weren't connected..) and I have to say despite being more tired I also felt kinda good actually.

I had costumers talking to me at work wich is normal,Except for that the same guy who asked me last monday for free coffee,came back today and greeted me (I didn't see him) so he walked to me while I was working,Apperently who got free coffee from someone else now (since I sorta refused it without saying it out right..)

So after a little conversation we said our goodbyes and I continued working, dont know if its related to this experience but it's rare to meet the same person in the same week.

Also someone in the bus offered me a seat, wich was also kinda rare,

so yeah with 2 loops I could say that while being tired (wich is not a new thing even before I started using experiences xD) I also felt pretty good today : ).

(still not good enough to beat the whole I want to go home mindset but overall still good)

Aura of Love isn't going to have a problem if you use it more than the instructions state.  This is one of the few cases where that is true.  Enjoy it.

Day18th:

Dang it, I got it again.., That moment where my emotions were lying to me and giving me the feeling that I'm not important to people...., wich is BS!

what am I talking about, It's time to be dumb and pathetic again...

Back at my Birthday (september 13th..), No one in my Friends in our group changed the name of our Whatsapp group to wish me A happy birthday.. (I told ya, it was gonne be pathetic...) and I had to change it myself in order to get people to congratulate me.. (I also had to do the same at my work group because they thought my birthday was 2 month's and 2 days earlier...) and my nephews didn't come either...

Between than and now 4 people had a birthday and someone else always changed it for them... pretty much giving me the feeling that I just wasn't important or mattered.....

AND THAT'S JUST IT! I GOT A FEELING THAT TOLD ME THAT!..

I knew that my feeling was lying because this is what I haven't told yet:

I GOT DLC to a video game from 1 of my friends and he congratulated me on a private whatsapp chat.

I GOT a special Birthday card from 1 of my other friends and I just forgot that both my nephews are already at school age now (5 and 4).

So the question is, Why are my feelings lying to me? and could that depression be resistance of Aura of Love...

most of my time at work I spend trying to hold in that feeling and ignore it but sadly it didn't work, It was only after I could distract myself and eat something that I could regain myself..

I really hope I can get over this patheticness especially since I know those feelings were a lie..

hmm what I felt were: Fear Hopelesness and loniness and ofcourse once again a need for validation.. dont know if it's for sure but I hope It's just my subconcious being scared of Aura of Love...

(10-30-2023, 10:09 AM)MrGnome Wrote: [ -> ]Day18th:

Dang it, I got it again.., That moment where my emotions were lying to me and giving me the feeling that I'm not important to people...., wich is BS!

what am I talking about, It's time to be dumb and pathetic again...

Back at my Birthday (september 13th..), No one in my Friends in our group changed the name of our Whatsapp group to wish me A happy birthday.. (I told ya, it was gonne be pathetic...) and I had to change it myself in order to get people to congratulate me.. (I also had to do the same at my work group because they thought my birthday was 2 month's and 2 days earlier...) and my nephews didn't come either...

Between than and now 4 people had a birthday and someone else always changed it for them... pretty much giving me the feeling that I just wasn't important or mattered.....

AND THAT'S JUST IT! I GOT A FEELING THAT TOLD ME THAT!..

I knew that my feeling was lying because this is what I haven't told yet:

I GOT DLC to a video game from 1 of my friends and he congratulated me on a private whatsapp chat.

I GOT a special Birthday card from 1 of my other friends and I just forgot that both my nephews are already at school age now (5 and 4).

So the question is, Why are my feelings lying to me? and could that depression be resistance of Aura of Love... 

most of my time at work I spend trying to hold in that feeling and ignore it but sadly it didn't work, It was only after I could distract myself and eat something that I could regain myself..

I really hope I can get over this patheticness especially since I know those feelings were a lie..

hmm what I felt were: Fear Hopelesness and loniness and ofcourse once again a need for validation.. dont know if it's for sure but I hope It's just my subconcious being scared of Aura of Love...

Ask yourself this.  Why does it matter if anyone notices your birthday or congratulates you on it?  The fact is, if it matters, then you're seeking validation outside yourself, and that's the wrong way to do it.  You need to be seeking validation inside yourself, from yourself.

I don't think you understand what it's doing.  It causes you to generate a field of pure, unconditional love.  That's it.  It's not there to deal with guilt, shame, fear, hopelessness, loneliness, validation, etc.  Being enveloped in that field, you should be healing emotionally at a slow but steady pace, at least in some way.

hmmm.. I guess the real thing is, is that I dont know what love itself does, I just know it's a good thing and it makes you care about yourself and others..

I still dont know why it matters... mayby it has something to do with my neglect full father? He has always been a workaholic and bearly payed attention to us..

It could also be because I kept losing friends over time that I want to secure the friends I have now...

I could say mayby it's having feelings of uselessness but that would bring us to why I have those feelings and the simple answer is because I'm not like a regular person..

oh well..

Day 28th:

I bought an infa-red lamp so things might be more difficult with seperating effects but still:

Today was a weird day, Where things both went well and not at the same time.

atleast I could handle the dissapointments better then I used to (still get pissed at losing at video games though...).

It was also interesing to see it constantly switch from something possitive to something negative, back and forth.

Day 79th:

Hey Guys sorry for being gone for so long, It's just I didn't had a whole lot to mention but anyway what I noticed from last time is:

Better communication with my mother and the holidays with my familly went also very well.

I got into also into a small theather play for a month now where I felt relaxed surprisingly fast : ) (although I also went to an autism meeting that went slightly well but that might be because I still need to improve my social skills...)

and these were the only small changes I'm aware of after all these times..


Also I want to wish you guys a Happy and a Good New year : D (since I'm typing this at 00:37 where I live)

Day 95th:

Welp 3 month's and a few days in.

Overal I would say things are going pretty well except for 2 things:

1.I clearly notice Guilt,Shame and Fear standing in the way of the full excecution

2.Last Sunday night I got a Epileptic seizure attack

Aura of Love is a safe sub/exp so I'm sure that has nothing to do with it but it still sucks that it happend after a few years.. (last time was 2021)

but the people at the small theather liked me (after just a month so that makes me happy : P )

I know it might sound Reckless but I really hope that once I have done the full program (AOL-OGSFV2-ASC6G-AM7) my epileptic seizures will stop.

I dont want to die but I still want to live if it makes sense, Even more so without being a burden to others.. (I had this problem since I was 3 till I was 7 then it went away till it came back when I was 27/28... and now I want to lose it again)

But yeah this was my smalll update again.

Day 103:

A few days ago I gave my first theater performance and People told me I did a great job : ),

It was also surprisingly nice How little time it took to become comfortable there (Like what was it 3 weeks or something?) Usually it take me like month's for that to happen.

However I also noticed that OGSF related things are still blocking me in some way, Yes the V1 did an amazing job at getting rid of stuff for me but it's clear it's far from everything, So I cant wait to start it Feb 19th.

Not to mention that my Boss wants me to start losing Fat now and I have to do that in a 1 year time limit,

If I dont succes I will lose the job, However it's pretty clear there's still some childhood trauma thats the cause of it,

I'm glad to know that now considering the Journey list you adviced me,

I'm Fully confident that everything will be okay as long as I stay on it (and I already bought OGSFV2 yesterday).


Also I play an sleeping app while using the sub while sleeping,

It requires me to keep the mobile close to me,

I haven't smacked my mobile out of bed but I did sleep ON my Mobile phone, Does this screw up the progress of Aura of Love?

Just 1 more question,This Saturday I will be sleeping at a Friends house So how will I use Aura of Love without hurting him?