So I have jumped through a couple of subs recently. I did want to stick with Money Magnet as was executing but I know OGSF is the sub I need the most out of any subs so was very glad that Shannon put it out as one of the earlier 5.11 subs.
I have been around here of and on for I think 13 years now and to be honest had almost given up hope I would ever hit a point of executing as I would just stonewall and hit massive resistance with every gen that I tried. I don't know what you have done with this generation Shannon but I'm of the belief it has broken through my stonewalling and has started to execute in such a subtle way that's surprisingly powerful at the same time.
So this sub I will be doing a full run through of as I have a lot to work through. I know deep down I have some intense fears of rejection and abandonment and some trauma around it to as well as just a pervasive feeling of never being good enough it's something I've always felt at my core part of who I am.
Now on day 4 of the first cycle and definitely had some anxiety the first few days but nothing that wasn't completely manageable. This last run through was when I noticed something.
Bit of background I have had a few limerence episodes throughout my life in fact I think most of my relationships have been with people I was limerent for and have never understood why I could just move past them like others could, why I would get so fixated on them to such an extreme degree that no one else understood, infact I felt ashamed by how fixated I would get as others never understood what I was going through. This I only learnt last year was limerence. So 1.5 years ago after a complicated situationship things ended with a girl I was limerent for and the only way for me to deal with these things is to run and go very strict no contact then after 6 months or so the limerence goes into hiding unless I hear about them or see them or talk to them again. So long story short the girl I was limerent for contacted me the other day and I stupidly picked up, this sent me into a tail spin of limerence again.
Now onto the subliminal so it had been going on for about 4 days so far and today when I put the sub on and started listening it melted away the obsessive thoughts were gone and there was a part of me saying what does this girl matter like truly she isn't special it was like this part of me didn't understand why I would be limerent. This was huge as nothing had ever stopped them before and based on everything I've read online the only way people ever get past it is to never see or hear from the person again. So there is a part of me that has a lot of hope that this sub may be the thing that gets me over it for good. I've never been able to truly get to the core of why I get limerence but this sub may actually heal whatever needs to be healed. Let's just say I'm excited to see where this sub takes me over the next 6 months.
Edit: One other I did notice was I got very itchy all over almost like having an allergic reaction to something on my last listen
Are you using V2? If so it may be good to have that in the title so we can tell the difference.
Hope it goes well for you.
(09-01-2023, 11:01 PM)Magnus Wrote: [ -> ]So I have jumped through a couple of subs recently. I did want to stick with Money Magnet as was executing but I know OGSF is the sub I need the most out of any subs so was very glad that Shannon put it out as one of the earlier 5.11 subs.
I have been around here of and on for I think 13 years now and to be honest had almost given up hope I would ever hit a point of executing as I would just stonewall and hit massive resistance with every gen that I tried. I don't know what you have done with this generation Shannon but I'm of the belief it has broken through my stonewalling and has started to execute in such a subtle way that's surprisingly powerful at the same time.
So this sub I will be doing a full run through of as I have a lot to work through. I know deep down I have some intense fears of rejection and abandonment and some trauma around it to as well as just a pervasive feeling of never being good enough it's something I've always felt at my core part of who I am.
Now on day 4 of the first cycle and definitely had some anxiety the first few days but nothing that wasn't completely manageable. This last run through was when I noticed something.
Bit of background I have had a few limerence episodes throughout my life in fact I think most of my relationships have been with people I was limerent for and have never understood why I could just move past them like others could, why I would get so fixated on them to such an extreme degree that no one else understood, infact I felt ashamed by how fixated I would get as others never understood what I was going through. This I only learnt last year was limerence. So 1.5 years ago after a complicated situationship things ended with a girl I was limerent for and the only way for me to deal with these things is to run and go very strict no contact then after 6 months or so the limerence goes into hiding unless I hear about them or see them or talk to them again. So long story short the girl I was limerent for contacted me the other day and I stupidly picked up, this sent me into a tail spin of limerence again.
Now onto the subliminal so it had been going on for about 4 days so far and today when I put the sub on and started listening it melted away the obsessive thoughts were gone and there was a part of me saying what does this girl matter like truly she isn't special it was like this part of me didn't understand why I would be limerent. This was huge as nothing had ever stopped them before and based on everything I've read online the only way people ever get past it is to never see or hear from the person again. So there is a part of me that has a lot of hope that this sub may be the thing that gets me over it for good. I've never been able to truly get to the core of why I get limerence but this sub may actually heal whatever needs to be healed. Let's just say I'm excited to see where this sub takes me over the next 6 months.
Edit: One other I did notice was I got very itchy all over almost like having an allergic reaction to something on my last listen
It would seem plausible, based on what you say, that developing a limerent response is based in a very specific fear. Which would also explain the itching response as well, which is a typical response to dealing with extreme subconscious fear.
If this works for you when it comes to limerence, by all means, you should share with others who have this situation that it helped you. The whole point of me doing these subs, besides making a living for myself, is to help people.
Thanks Shannoon that makes a lot of sense and a very real possibility.
Wasn't planning on posting up any dreams but this one felt like something big so thought I would post it up anyway.
Last night had a dream where I was taken hostage by a gang and had a feeling that the leader of the gang was just about to kill me and felt some of the most existential fear I had ever felt it my life, it was a fear where I knew that I was going to die. Somehow the place got stormed by the authorities and I was saved and let free, this was followed by a thought of I'm finally free after all this time followed by the biggest feeling of relief I have ever felt in my entire life. It's hard to describe but it felt like this massive weight had been lifted from my body and there was a lightness that I had never felt before. I woke up with this feeling and it has continued throughout the day. I don't know what it is but it's different to anything I have ever felt before.
There's also a part of me that really want's to listen a lot more. Will follow the instructions for the first cycle and then see if that is still around
Amazing stuff. Thanks for sharing
First day off today and there is definitely a part of me that very strongly wants to listen more often and didn't want a day off today but will keep with the 6 days off.
Have generally noticed myself a bit more at ease in social situations that I been in the past. Reflected back and for some reason in the past whenever I was getting my hair cut I would be up in my head and not at ease at all but just realized yesterday when I went wasn't up in my head at all and was just chatting away perfectly fine.
Was overcome with a deep sense of loneliness and neediness on my first day off that has just continued and got stronger as the day went on. Quite a stark difference to the days on where I was feeling quite at peace most of the time.
Final day of days off before starting second cycle.
Days off seemed to really be filled with resistance, almost the polar opposite of the days on. Was filled with neediness, less social, more limerence, really not feeling at all grounded as I was on my days on. Definitely looking forward to the days on which is quite a change from what I used to feel with subs which was wanting to escape and run away now just seem to want it more.
Will see how this run goes and may end up adjusting my listening to have more days on.
Day 2 back on and there is definitely a stark contrast in the way I am on off and on days.
Today seemed to be getting a lot of respect from people in general and I don't know why. Had a meeting with the CIO of the company I work for and any time he and I would talk at the same time he would apologize for interrupting me and also any idea I had was a great idea. Also had a room mate who had been in a not so good mood with me for the last week and all of a sudden today he switched and was being super polite to me, in fact it was the same with everyone I had dealt with today.
Going to let myself be guided by auto config for this cycle
Day 3 on this cycle and I noticed I have been finding myself with a urge to post more often and it's not just here I find I speak up more often in general as well I guess I just feel more at ease in so many more situations and letting who I am just be heard. I've always been known as the quiet one which is weird as I really enjoy people and spending time with people and I now find myself speaking up more so I'm guessing there was fear there that is being worked on.
This sub is by far the sub that I have got the best results from so far and really apart from some of my days off felt no resistance from or urge to stop using. There is a feeling of a strong sense of self building up it's hard to describe but was invited to drinks at work and felt no urge to go because I have to focus on myself, in the past always felt the urge because I felt I needed the validation that I was ok and that people really liked me and that was a way of proving it this time I felt fine just saying I've got to focus on my health so maybe some other time. There is also a feeling that everything in life will be ok and that actually my life is pretty good, a lot of my old negative self talk seems to have faded away now that I'm listening again.
Also at work this is having the most dramatic results. I have been trying to get in to work with the C Suite for a number of years but today was asked if I would come present something to them, also people are randomly starting conversations and being overly nice to me at work as well as listening to everything I say. It's quite a stark contrast to even at the start of this sub. So far it's been quite an amazing journey and it's just getting started, I'm guessing I never realized quite how much fear, guilt, shame and trauma I was carrying around with me. Will be interesting to see where the next 5 months brings me.
Been some deep inner work going on the last few days I've realised the last few days that all my self worth and self esteem is tied to how other people feel about me and that deep down inside there is a part of me that feels deeply unlovable. This to me isn't any new information but for the first time ever I'm able to see it clearly and really connect into it and feel for that part of me that had no love growing up as a child and in a way it seems like I'm starting to be able to give that to myself. This for me is huge it ties into the way I interact with everyone and especially how I am in romantic relationships and is the direct cause of my limerance.
Around limerance (and I mean the true obsessive kind here). The girl I fell limerant for 2 years ago and was in some sort of situationship type thing with for 6 months came back into town and ended up at a farewell party at my place. This 3 weeks ago would have been unimaginable for me and would have sent me into a tailspin for months to come but this time while I did drink to deal with it was able to work through it quite differently than I would have in the past and most of the obsession that is limerance seems to be gone. I suspect as my self esteem improves and that part of me that feels unlovable continues to heal this will just get better and better.
External results wise. Still continue to notice guys especially really coming to me for advice and showing a lot more respect it's bizzare and not really tied to it like I used to so who knows. Also getting less of a desire to drink now days and also my mind is starting to wonder why I watch porn as well and its starting to focus more and more on my goals and who I want to be rather than what other people think of me, I'm generally feeling more positive about the future than I think I ever have been as well. It's a weird spot to be in as so much of my focus is changing now and I have no clue where I'm going to end up but it's all in a good way, family have also been commenting that I seem a lot chirpier than usual.
Around listening my mind keeps going towards 2-3 days off rather than 6 (6 just feels far to long and almost like I will lose a lot if I keep that) so for this round going to follow where my mind goes with this.
Edit: Also very glad I changed to this sub and hoping by the end of it there is a new version of something to do with women and primarily relationship (I at the moment have very little desire for random sex but that may change) as I feel I may be finally ready for it after this six months. One other thing I really like is how centered and at peace I feel about 30 minutes into listening no matter what my day has thrown at me or how anxious I have felt, quite often this effect lasts for a few hours afterwards as well. Is the idea that longer term this effect becomes permanent?
This sub is really diving deep inside and I can now realize how the results last week were driven by my ego more specifically my need for external validation because there is a part of me that feels defective and unlovable.
It seems like a fear may have been removed around facing my emotions and behaviors with absolute honesty no matter how hard they may seem. It's become clear to me and I have accepted that most of what I do and how I am is about getting external validation and getting others to like me. I felt so much shame around this in the past that I couldn't face it and be honest about it. That has left me with this part of me that feels deeply unlovable and defective that in the past would do things like go on tinder for validation, try look good for validation, try to do a good job for validation and now I'm starting to sit with it and listen to it at times there has been a lot of pain and tears coming up and other times it feels quite at peace. There has been some guilt come up because I had to face the fact that the reason I have been on and off with this one girl for 17 years is that I really couldn't face being alone and face those deep feels of being unlovable that I was so afraid and ashamed of so would go back to her because I knew it would temporarily relieve those feelings. There is a lot more that has gone on but I've gained a lot of clarity and ability to look inside and really see myself and my behavior and what drives it. It now seems to be starting to touch on my deep fear of rejection this is the deepest fear I've ever been able to identify but who knows if there are more.
On the other side I have had less of a desire for porn and bad food and drinking. The desire to be in good shape is starting to change from a need for external validation to a need to be healthy to enjoy my life there's still some need for external validation there but it seems to be reducing a bit.
A part of me wishes I had waited for EPRHA but another part just wants to do more of OGSF.
This last round was hard, very hard and I'm just now starting to get back to a baseline. There was a lot of hard truths to face about my life, my fears, my traumas far to much to go into also a lot of external changes but those don't really matter so much to me anymore. One thing that muddied the waters a bit was seeing an ex from 1.5 years ago for the first time since we ended things that one was extremely traumatic and she was also the girl that I was limerant for so this may have bought this trauma up earlier than I was ready to deal with it as this seems to be related to something from childhood that is very deep and painful far more so than most of the other fears and trauma I have faced so far. I did get a huge amount of clarity on my life during this last round though but seem to have snapped back a bit since then but not all the way to where I was.
Given that this last round was complicated by seeing that ex the next round should hopefully give me a better view. I get a feeling the ultrasonic may be to intense for me so may have to switch to masked but I'll start this round using the ultrasonic knowing I have a good baseline and if it is to intense switch over to the masked.
Don't make excuses for yourself to use as a hiding mechanism. Make sure you're not doing that if you switch formats. Sometimes the road through things like this isn't fun, easy or pleasant when you're doing what it takes to achieve the goal.
Thanks Shannon, you were right the last round almost bought me to a breaking point but it was what I needed. I've also realized the importance of following the instructions and more isn't necessarily better and this time off has helped me process something today.
So this morning I had two memories of my ex come up where she was really treating me badly and I could see how all of my self worth was tied to her and what she thought of me. An anger built inside of me for how badly she had treated me during these two memories (rather than a trying to do more to win her over or feeling a lot of pain) the anger then dropped into this place where I could feel this ease and freeness in my solar plexus area like I had never felt before and I knew exactly what to say in those two memories to calmly and confidently stick up for myself and exactly what I needed at that point of time. Words can't really explain the massive shift this is for me going from this is a girl who I tied all my self worth to and thought was way out of my league and was limerant for to being able to calmly and confidently be able to speak up for myself (even if just in my mind) these were memories I had repressed as they were to painful to deal with. This is the biggest breakthrough I've had with subliminals or any type of therapy and I can feel the change at a deep deep level.