Subliminal Talk

Day 41 ON

5 loops Ultrasonic @ 11/16 volume on my iPhone

Repressed anger and emotions coming to surface. Increased number of loops by 1.

Day 41 ON

5 loops Ultrasonic @ 11/16 volume on my iPhone

Sometimes, it feels like emotional healing in general is so damn slow.
Less affected by my girlfriend's bad days, and that's how it should be. I'm supposed to be emotionally strong.

Day 46 OFF

Yesterday was my 3rd day OFF, but I felt like I needed to listened to the sub, so I played 1 loop of Hybrid. 
Today, some frustrations/ regrets from my college years(2010 - 2014) came to surface, and I think it's OGSF triggering them. I was so shy, so defeated, so unhappy. Those were some miserable years.

I used to listen to soundtracks from shows I watched. One of them being The Sopranos. It's interesting how the songs that we are drawn to tell us something about us, or our traumas. "The beast in me", "No more I love you's" would suggest guilt, victimhood, the belief that I am not worthy of love.

Day 49 ON

5 loops US @ 12/16 volume on my iPhone

Something nice that I noticed recently. I am going through a phase where I am becoming more relaxed, more at ease with myself. My feelings of irrational jealously have also reduced a lot, I'm not bothered anymore.

Listened to 1 loop Hybrid on my 2nd and 3rd OFF days. Felt the need for more exposure to the sub.

Day 55 ON

Last night before bed, I set up 5 loops US just before falling asleep. Woke up with my phone battery dead, so not sure how much of those 5 loops were completed, I was at 25% battery or so.
Played another loop during the day.
Had a dream that exposed one of my fears re. abandonment, jealousy.
So far, it feels like OGSF is triggering/ bringing something to surface, but far from healing or creating lasting changes in me. That's why I decided to increase the number of loops. Might switch to Hybrid too.

Day 56 ON

On a high today. Realized that will all this obsession of men raising their Testosterone levels through diet, lifestyle, biohacking or what not, one of the biggest drivers of high T surely must be achieving success, winning at life. That's not to say that diet and lifestyle don't matter, they certainly do, but I'd say what matters even more is not letting the world walk over you, not being defeated in life.

Day 60 OFF

Almost 2 months on OGSF gone.
Kind of frustrated with lack of progress. I'm thinking I must switch formats, from Ultrasonic to either Masked or Hybrid. I've tried Hybrid, I perceive it as "harsher" and triggering, and I think it causes resistance.
I think I have high levels of fear, which should indicate Masked to be the better format. I will use that from now on.
I also struggle with my relationship, my girlfriend is becoming unsatisfied, she wants me to be more decisive, more self-assured, she feels she doesn't feel safe around me, senses my indecision, lack of confidence. This is all due from my fear of rejection/ abandonment, because whenever she doesn't give me validation, or I sense any kind of rejection from her, I lose confidence and withdraw.

Instead of viewing it as a lack of progress, think of it like a puzzle; at the start, most of the process involves sorting, even though not many pieces have come together since the start.

One cycle with OSGF is 4 months, if I'm not mistaken.

Yesterday was a better day. My girlfriend was upset and cold when I met her, but eventually, I managed to get her to turn sweet and loving again.
I have got to find a way to stop porn/ masturbation, it's not a huge obsession, but I can see that it's affecting me negatively on a mental level, also zaps my energy levels.
Will used Masked format from now on for a while.

Spent a great day yesterday with my girlfriend.
I am wondering if I'm missing something from listening to the Masked track on my iPhone speaker, instead of using headphones. @Shannon.
I do not have high quality headphones for iPhone, and I believe airpods are not good for your health due to EMF radiation.

I realized I've been depressed in the last couple of weeks. More so than before. Lack of discipline with my work, with my nutrition. I have to drastically change that. The fight against depression is an everyday fight.
Played 3 loops during my OFF day today. Last night with my girlfriend was tense.

Still going with OGSF. One improvement I've noticed is that when something low, sad, or undesired happens, I'm able to bounce back more quickly and not be that depressed about it.
Also, I've noticed that my fear of being alone has reduced a fair amount.

Tough times, but I am navigating through them with courage and less fear.