Subliminal Talk

This is good progress it seems =]. How long is one loop of OF4?

(10-11-2022, 11:39 AM)dissonance Wrote: [ -> ]This is good progress it seems =]. How long is one loop of OF4?

Exactly 1 hour.

I would normally post this in Shannon’s journal but I don’t want to open it and lose my progress… I’m being forced to use the new theme and there’s no option to change back to an old option like before. I’m not going to read anything because there’s no button to go to last read posts and I don’t want to have to click and manually find where I last left off. I won’t be reading anything until this is fixed as I assume this is a bug. It might have even been mentioned in Shannon’s journal, but like I said I don’t want to lose my progress by checking and have to manually scroll through a bunch of pages and use my memory to manually find where I last left off…

(10-15-2022, 11:20 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I would normally post this in Shannon’s journal but I don’t want to open it and lose my progress… I’m being forced to use the new theme and there’s no option to change back to an old option like before. I’m not going to read anything because there’s no button to go to last read posts and I don’t want to have to click and manually find where I last left off. I won’t be reading anything until this is fixed as I assume this is a bug. It might have even been mentioned in Shannon’s journal, but like I said I don’t want to lose my progress by checking and have to manually scroll through a bunch of pages and use my memory to manually find where I last left off…

Where you last left off in what? Also, I have the options on my end to choose any of the old themes from the past. It's in User CP or something like that

(10-15-2022, 09:21 PM)dissonance Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-15-2022, 11:20 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I would normally post this in Shannon’s journal but I don’t want to open it and lose my progress… I’m being forced to use the new theme and there’s no option to change back to an old option like before. I’m not going to read anything because there’s no button to go to last read posts and I don’t want to have to click and manually find where I last left off. I won’t be reading anything until this is fixed as I assume this is a bug. It might have even been mentioned in Shannon’s journal, but like I said I don’t want to lose my progress by checking and have to manually scroll through a bunch of pages and use my memory to manually find where I last left off…

Where you last left off in what? Also, I have the options on my end to choose any of the old themes from the past. It's in User CP or something like that

After the new update, like everyone else I was automatically switched to the new theme. Which was fine, I switched it back like you’re talking about. But I was switched back to the new theme again sometime after that and now the only option I have is Emerald. 

I’m talking about losing the “last read” button and losing my progress in journals and threads because now I’d have to manually scroll through to find where I left off. This is particularly impractical with Shannon’s Journal Discussion because it fills up fast.

I discovered the emerald layout has the last read button, I just couldn’t see it in dark mode. So now I can actually read the forum reasonably which is nice, though I still wish I had the option to switch back to an older layout. It would be nice if I could see if I could see if a section had new posts or not like in the layout I used to use.

Been going through some really heavy resistance. I quit smoking on LTU6 but been tempted to start again recently. Some of my deep core issues are revealing themselves. I switched to hybrid yesterday and instead of feeling more intense so far it feels smoother and deeper and I like it.

After worrying if 7 months was going to be enough and feeling hopeless, I am having a sudden breakthrough. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope that the changes continue. I’ll probably look back at OF4 as a turning point in my journey.

(11-30-2022, 03:08 PM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]After worrying if 7 months was going to be enough and feeling hopeless, I am having a sudden breakthrough. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope that the changes continue. I’ll probably look back at OF4 as a turning point in my journey.

That's awesome Frosted!

(11-30-2022, 04:09 PM)Sky Wrote: [ -> ]

(11-30-2022, 03:08 PM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]After worrying if 7 months was going to be enough and feeling hopeless, I am having a sudden breakthrough. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope that the changes continue. I’ll probably look back at OF4 as a turning point in my journey.

That's awesome Frosted!

Thanks man. Things are looking promising. If they turn out how I hope they will by the end of this run, it’ll be like going from walking with crutches to being able to jog with ease. Or at least to walk without crutches.

Quick side tangent. I have viewed my journey so far as this:

Before subs: Helpless. Laying on the ground barely being able to twitch. Like too much gravity pulling me down to the ground
After 5 years: Barely standing up. Unable to walk.
After the last 2 years (LTU6): Walking with crutches.
Perhaps after this run of OF4 is finished: Walking without crutches (hopefully)
Few years of UMS2: Jogging (hopefully)
???: Sprinting
???: Flying
???: ???

It really feels like I might finally be able to rid myself of my deep insecurities. It’s crazy to think how much of a qualitative change OF4 may be bringing me (I say may because the run is not yet over).

What was your sub history before LTU6? Would you have made different choices?

Yes. I would have alternated AM6 and the latest EPHRA until LTU6 came out and then ran that for a year or two. Then OF4 or latest version. Then UMS2 for however long until my finances are stable. Then I would focus on women or my penis size and things like that, which I would do for awhile, and then alternate between self help subs (AM, EPHRA, UH, LTU) and money subs (UMS, BASE), occasionally sprinkling in subs like WM, SM, DMSI, ME, and MLS.

The reason I would put off women and such is because without the right foundation it really is a waste of time. I wouldn’t get the results I want and it’s time I could have spent actually getting to the point where I could effectively focus on that stuff. It’s because those things are the spice of life, not something to reach for when I don’t even have a finished meal to season. Otherwise I’m just trying to season an uncooked meal.

As for my sub history I think it’s something like this:

AM6>WM2>AM6>SM3 (stopped after stage 4)>AM6(3x)>UMS(6months)>LTU5(few months)>LTU6(2 years)>OF4(current) (there’s also a few months unaccounted for with things like DMSI and MLS I can’t remember the precise timing of)

AM6 is great, but it didn’t have quite the level of healing I needed. It definitely helped though I wish I coulda just used LTU6 after my first 2 AM6 runs lol.

I dreamed I stood up for myself and others who were being ridiculed and laughed at by a large group. Despite my fear that wanted me to fade in with the crowd and pretend I was one of them I walked up to one of the people making fun of us and called them out. It’s awesome to see such progress in a dream. I wasn’t fully over my fear, but it was an inspiring dream nonetheless.

I’ve been thinking about my past mistakes and the ugly selfish part of myself (not the healthy selfish part). And I’ve been trying to shine the light on the reasons that part of me is the way it is and not run away from the negative emotions. I feel the pain from my past wrongdoings and try to understand so I can become the man I want to be. Not in some vague ideally way that society tells you, like some nice guy, but in a stand up way that comes from a place of personal values and strength.


Edit: Also Hybrid_TS has me taking 4 days off instead of 2. I’m liking the progress from Hybrid.

I’m not sure if I’m experiencing OGSF TID or not because some shame has been coming up. But then again shame seems to be coming up along with the fear lately. I would say fear is my biggest problem followed closely by shame. I’m sure I have problems with guilt, it’s just way lower than fear and shame. I seem to have dealt with it better over the years of subs, cause I use to have a lot of guilting due to my mom’s toxic parenting.

It wouldn’t make sense for me to be experiencing TID yet since I don’t plan to run OGSF till I finish my 7 months of OF and I still have about 2 months (1.5 without a two week break) till I’ll be running it. Unless TID can suddenly hit 2 months in advance it’s likely just shame entangled with the fear, which seems to be the case for a lot of the fear I’ve been dealing with lately.

For example in school a lot I would disrupt class with jokes and some of the time my classmates would ridicule me or the teacher would punish me. This would result in a mixture of shame and fear.

I’m excited as hell for my OGSF run. I’ve already made so much progress on OF4, but it’s not enough. I want more. I can’t live like I’ve been living, I need to get to the root of my problems.