Day 16 june 8 one loop over night.
Super short fuse today, very direct and to the point when it comes to communication. Absolute 0 tolerance to bs. I hate it when people take shit for granted and play light manipulation like they know me. They come up with the most ridiculous bs. Dont talk down on me, stfu. I aint a fucking kid. Dont smile in my face like you are my friend, because you aint. That shit aint working anymore. Your manipulation is evident, your conceited vibe while smiling in my face aint fooling me.
Fucking cowards. Say what you have to say. Better yet, lets take this shit outside.
I blew up at work today because of this shit. How communication is not taking place, how things are being agreed upon only to find people for it afterwards. Its backwards, completely backwards. "Which sucker will volunteer" at this point my fuse is so short, I want it to be physical. Pieces of shit. Also, businesses dont care about you, they care about money. Its that simple. They might be friendly but you might get fired anyway. Dont get it twisted.
If we communicate something through and I made myself clear, dont try to manipulate me trying to get me sign up for it over and over again. No is fucking no. Dont try to play the "feel bad for the other person" card in hopes of making no a yes. I should call this shit out the next time. Its high time. Fuck peace at this point.
/end rant
OFv3 got me into black metal lmao, im enjoying gorgoroth so much right now. Fits perfect.
Gaahls stare on stage is freaking amazing
Day 17 june 9th - 6 loop hybrid trickling over night.
Social anxiety? Gone.
Approach anxiety? Heavily reduced and almost completely gone. It makes no longer sense to me. Fear doesnt make sense to me. Its an illusion..
Owning the place? Check.
Having attractive women enmasse in my reality? Yup. No fear of striking a convo up.
Feeling overall absolutely fearless. RUN. THIS. SUB.
The potential OF has it nutssss
Overal Im way more alpha. Im getting deeper in protector and leader dynamics, I love making women fall in love with me while her army of simps aint getting shit. Nice guys finish last.
Bodylanguage? Instantly I know what is what. You walking on the streets pretending you are looking at something else? Your bodylanguage betrays you. It shows your insecurity.
I feel I can finally relax thanks to OF. I read OFv4 is a potential follow up, but im more then pleased with this version.
I wish people could experience what im experiencing now...
OF is fun. People are fun. I enjoy it very much.
(06-09-2022, 08:14 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]Day 17 june 9th - 6 loop hybrid trickling over night.
Social anxiety? Gone.
Approach anxiety? Heavily reduced and almost completely gone. It makes no longer sense to me. Fear doesnt make sense to me. Its an illusion..
Owning the place? Check.
Having attractive women enmasse in my reality? Yup. No fear of striking a convo up.
Feeling overall absolutely fearless. RUN. THIS. SUB.
The potential OF has it nutssss
Overal Im way more alpha. Im getting deeper in protector and leader dynamics, I love making women fall in love with me while her army of simps aint getting shit. Nice guys finish last.
Bodylanguage? Instantly I know what is what. You walking on the streets pretending you are looking at something else? Your bodylanguage betrays you. It shows your insecurity.
I feel I can finally relax thanks to OF. I read OFv4 is a potential follow up, but im more then pleased with this version.
I wish people could experience what im experiencing now...
OF is fun. People are fun. I enjoy it very much.
Hey Kol, the fearless Alpha warrior. You are so right, fear is just illusion!!! Everybody gives fear the power and makes it real. Glad your killing it on this sub.
@
Z-Man exactly brother. Now, dont get me wrong, its not all sunshines and rainbows. There is definitely a polarizing aspect in this journey in which I get certain feedback from people, which can make me feel lonely at times. Basically an isolation in which you are thrown back at yourself. Guess polarisation is stronger sometimes then other times as you become the adversary snd mirror to other peoples limitation and an example of what you are when those things are no longer supressed.
In a way, OF goes against the narrative of society which seeks to make people submissive and a cog in the machine without giving a flying fuck about their happiness.
This is such a good journal. Just powering through fears like it's nothing. Not gonna lie, reading your journal makes me wanna do OF again. You seem to have little to no resistance and OF just does its thing.
I on the other hand experience crazy resistance from running OF. I have some very deep fears at the root of my identity and changing it requires to my knowledge to blast OF like a maniac, and it's still no guarantee. Triggering those deep fears will respond in more fear until I'm so lost in what to do that it'll get its way, and get me to stop. That's how the pattern has been for me with past OF runs.
It is easy to sit here and say that I can do this and I shouldn't think like that blabla but in reality I know from past runs of OF that I'm going to be a entirely different person when fear is doing what fear does, which is to completely delude my rational thinking.
I think that you show some great courage for doing what you do. And believe me, you sharing your experience in this journal sure does help build up my own courage to pick up OF once again and blast through my own fears and find my freedom, or possibly another identity crisis lol
You are correct, I have barely any resistence. Accepting the sub as "me" helps a lot and eases the process.
I think in part it has to do with lack of risk-averse-ness. Yesterday I felt positive and caught myself finishing the sentence "for now" as in, I welcome the storm. "I feel positive on this sub, for now" Its all cool feeling positive and cosey but I grow in adversary, challenges and when being brought to the edge, or having a dark night of the soul experience. In no way am I saying it is a must, but in moments of adversary and hardship, I know I grow. I somewhat want it.
Then again,when I was in the thick of it and the light at the end seems to wane, where you lose connection with your core, I had moments that I said "no more, enough, I dont know anymore" where it seems for the lack of better words "permanent".
Oh yeah, the self conviction. That truly shifted to organic at some point, like it needs to be generated from within to the extent illusion loses its conviction. You have to see it, catch it, and OF makes sure you will at a point.
Patience is key. Something that I had to learn face, and come to terms with.
(06-10-2022, 01:08 PM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]You are correct, I have barely any resistence. Accepting the sub as "me" helps a lot and eases the process.
I think in part it has to do with lack of risk-averse-ness. Yesterday I felt positive and caught myself finishing the sentence "for now" as in, I welcome the storm. "I feel positive on this sub, for now" Its all cool feeling positive and cosey but I grow in adversary, challenges and when being brought to the edge, or having a dark night of the soul experience. In no way am I saying it is a must, but in moments of adversary and hardship, I know I grow. I somewhat want it.
Then again,when I was in the thick of it and the light at the end seems to wane, where you lose connection with your core, I had moments that I said "no more, enough, I dont know anymore" where it seems for the lack of better words "permanent".
Oh yeah, the self conviction. That truly shifted to organic at some point, like it needs to be generated from within to the extent illusion loses its conviction. You have to see it, catch it, and OF makes sure you will at a point.
Patience is key. Something that I had to learn face, and come to terms with.
When I was running that sub, I didn't have time for bullshit even from women. I am who I am, don't like it too bad. Girls just came up to me. I was very social, not looking to sleep with them, just cool talking with them. Conversion with ease. Everything just flowed.
@
Z-Man oh yes, definitely. Same here. Its something thats standing out this run.
Jun 13 2 loops over night
First of all, happy bday to me. Lots of significant numbers today. (6/13/33)
Anyway, fear is rearing its head. Its anticipation based as my parents are about to come over. It comes with a sense of cold winds, similar to cold sweats, like vibrational fear pulsates. People probably pick up on exactly this. I can somewhat see it in my mind, so im not fear, otherwise I wouldnt be watching it from a mental distance. Im the one observing it.
Writing this clarifies more and what "causes" it to manifest in my experience.
Another thing is, im no longer trying to keep it together, hold it together tight. Release, let it go, transmute it, turning one in another. The process is highly interesting. My logic is intact, which also says something.
What a great little psychological session this writing turns out to be. Trust in OF has been restored!
I feel normal for once, huge relaxation and acceptation. Dope! Makes me productive very organically.
June 15 - 0 loops over night
OF is removing fear of confronting and calling out behaviours.
June 7 1 loop over night
Woke up like a zombie. Fear spikes and semi panic attacks this morning. I know its parts of me, as when I was training, some sadness kicked in, to which I didnt have readon to. Some parts are no lomger able to resist, I can sense OF chip away.
I notice im always "in set" meaning, from the get goI build raport effortlessly, flawlessly. No hesitation.
Horniness through the roof. The world is mine.
Girl at the gym gave a whole striptease away. Wherever I went, whatever I did, she was making sure to be in my vision. I get it, it is warm, but this had some DMSI qualities to it, possible TID?? Idk. Dont really care,appreciate it simply.
I can feel the heat boost my testostorone. Also, countless amount of attractive women in my reality ( as it should )
I no longer have this weird fear of showing my physique going on. I put in the work, look above average, toned, lines, all that, and yet used to feel shame. No more. Now im going in public, am horny af, and want to go to the beach. What a difference what a change.
Pretty sure TID is going on as I read FRM as "FHM" which is like a playboy light magazine
dont know if FHM is known internationally. Lmao
Also, as someone who is into bodybuilding/powerlifting, "sarm" is funny to me. Wouldnt be surprised if @
Benjamin has the same reaction