02-25-2022, 02:32 AM
Quote:Well, the damn finally broke. I can confidently say 90% of the sub is self replicating within my head. It was quite a journey really.
So what happened that caused this? Well as I said before before I start running the sub again there is usually an uptick noticeable results about 24 to 72 hours before i hit play. However yesterday I was driving early morning , a few hours before i get off, and started getting those feelings of being influenced by the sub. I guessed that maybe it was me feeling it days before i was to run it but then I realized maybe I'm supposed to run it today and once I was committed to running it that morning the effects just ramped up. within those few hours before I got of work to go home and play the sub a major resistance tactic was revealed to me. Essentially what had been going on was the part that was still resisting desperately was using my imagination. Basically since I had been really in my head since things started going bad in my childhood that was where i had a lot of made up stories (some I had thought at one point of making into books, etc). There is one male character in this said 'story" which i kind of identified with.
That is where the resistance tactic came in. Instead of executing the sub on me in real life it would kind of substitute this one character instead. Since being in my head was seen as "part of my identity" and I "identified with a male character" it would project the sub instructions into this imaginary world as it were to say "Hey, see I executed!!!". Only problem was the gig was now up and I was consciously aware of the ploy. I was quite frankly livid and fed up at this point. However something else was interesting which I caught in those few hours as well. The parts that were cooperating used this as a setup. I get this because before i hit play, especially a few hours beforehand, I get these kind of "impressions" that I am able to make out consciously. As if i can catch parts of a conversation or feelings being portrayed. The part that was a trap was that the cooperating parts were well aware of this tactic and used it to that advantage.
If I could put it into words it was as if they were saying "Yeah, since we just revealed you consciously the gig is up which means since you literally were using an "avatar" to project all those instructions on to you can just simply copy and paste that on to real life roughly. Also you can't use the excuse that you don't have any idea how the sub would look like in real life because you literally have been imagining it in plain sight this whole time". Yeah, after that I felt just resignation and a bit of fear coming from the resistant side. Apparently this was its last play it had. As you can see it back fired badly.
Along with being livid I had finally just had enough and "knew" I had to change. I had decided it. It bringing my "death" be damned. It also has to do with the deceit really. I have this very low tolerance (almost zero tolerance) for purposeful lying to my face. Trust is very important to me and i think with this I truly saw fear for the liar it is. living your life based on lies is a very dangerous game in my opinion. It would be the opposite of keeping me safe. So since accepting lies could very well jeopardize my safety I can not trust "fear" since it seems to be a constant liar. On the way home and when I got home I just kept saying in my mind that I accept all the instructions of the sub fully and I will do everything in my power to implement them. I can not continue as this as I refuse to jeopardize my safety by accepting self deluding lies.
I kept a lot of this thinking when I finally played the sub as well. During listening I just felt a dame break and felt my mind working overtime to just process a lot of stuff. There was one major revelation to me and it revealed quite a lot. Essentially the whole being inside my head and imagination stuff was a coping and defensive mechanism. Due to my toxic family lie and school life i basically learned "outside real world is bad and dangerous" but "inside head is safe". So I literally disconnected myself from reality as it where on one level. It was because of this disconnect and that it needed to be healed that I couldn't get much results from DMSI. DMSI requires you project an aura and signals into the real world but how can you do that when your own mind tells you the world outside your head is not safe at all? You simply don't project outside your own head or on those rare cases you do (where something slipped through and you got a pretty strong reaction) you freeze up in terror.
UH was important in healing all this as I literally felt almost as if the non physical things that caused it were being healed but also the connections in my brain felt like they were being healed so i could finally "perceive" reality as I am supposed to. Since it was fear that drove me inside my head and into things like playing lots of video games, once that fear was cleansed away I saw reality in a totally different light and the same enjoyment I would get from those other things are now fulfilled by engaging in the real world. One interesting side effect I noticed form this is I seem to perceive time quite different now. As in I am completely present, zen and in the her and now. Feeling the joy of every physical experience and sensation. Its almost as if all that normal stuff and data that is captured by all your senses i now fully recognize and experience "fully". That makes it so that every moment and minute just feels like so much information to take in that is amazing to experience.
This does cause time to go by a lot slower. I think since I recognize all this information that usually gets filtered out that makes it feel like there is so much amazing data and information coming in. Like I'm kind of doing a lot of work just experiencing it all but then i look at a clock and its barely been a few minutes. However I don't see this as a negative really. I've gotten already to make out more info and see if I can make the time go by even slower just to improve my patience. On that point my patience is high tier now and I just don't feel angry about stuff that would have even simply annoyed me before. I just feel zen, patience, love, beauty, peace, confidence and compassion.
Things that normally would provoke some anxiety and fear feel like they aren't even processed by that side of the brain anymore. Its like my reactions just bypass the fear centers and goes straight to the logical sides of the brain. My face has no stress in it and my eyes feel piecing now. I noticed one other side effect which is when it comes to music. Before I would just withdraw into my head to enjoy the music but now its like I'm fully there in the present and the notes just feel like they are causing energy within my body to express in certain ways. Its a way more physical and energetic experience. Its like my body and energy want to move on its own according to the music being played. I also feel like I just "feel" every note and sound that is played. Its as if my whole body and senses are in tune with the music.
Lastly I would say that most definitely fear was the culprit. I notice now if I even think of another sub to run in the future (DMSI for example) I can literally in that moment feel my body respond as if it would be ready to adapt to that on a moments notice. The hunch I got from this was that now that I have gotten rid of a lot of the fears that were artificially limiting me I can now see myself in so many different "realities" and just feel my body respond to what it would be like in that reality. In other words it is willing to easily accept "death" aka Change very easily now and knows how it would execute already. Its quite amazing and never thought I would feel anything like this.
All i can say is I will of course keep going to cement these results. Finally after years of running these subs I had the final breakthrough I needed thanks to this sub. Funny enough despite being at around 90% i feel this want to push on wards and keep doing better. Keep on tweaking your reactions and reality here or there to make it all on point as it were. i feel in total control of my reality and more than willing to take responsibility for my reality. There is no more running anymore. Running is for cowards and cowards are a good reason why the world is in the state it has been in for decades now. If anyone has any questions I will be glad to answer to the best of my ability. Other than that I will just keep on moving forward at a even faster pace than before.
-DarthXedonias said this here