Subliminal Talk

So... UH has yet to come out, but it will be coming out today or maybe early tomorrow. With that established I've decided to start my journal now, so people know what I'm working with. I have A LOT to heal. Every time I think I'm making progress, I just find more progress needs to be made, find more things in need of healing and  every time I think I've made a lot of change, I come to find that I have changed far less than I wanted to believe. 

I have a friend who I like to talk to, partially because they keep it real with me (usually only when asked though) and gives things to me straight, which I view as helpful in my quest to better myself. We both haver issues. She has antisocial tendencies (which she is working on) and I am working on my narcissistic tendencies. So I asked her to give it to me straight (acknowledging that I probably wasn't going to like what I hear) in regards to balancing feminine and masculine qualities within myself. This is what she had to say: 
--
"No, you're a lot like [name redacted] in that you act like a poser
Your public image is so inauthentic and cringe it makes me want to vomit lol.
You are distrustful of the feminine, including in yourself.
Your energy hurts to look at. 
This dumb fake aggressive behavior, and a certain facetiousness.
It's obvious you're compensating for insecurity.
You come off as subtly chauvinistic.
Ironically, while trying to portray yourself as the opposite.
This snide, all-knowing attitude, as if your opinions are facts and everything else is dumb.
It's a very defensive position."
--
"I don't even bother pointing these things out, because I see no real desire in you to change.
You always agree with me, then keep on doing the same old thing lol
So if you really want to change, first you have to get the energy from somewhere to enact the actual momentum of it.
It's like everyone telling me I need to relax more, and stop being such a high strung bitch, and I agree with them, even though I know I will not relax or stop worrying about anything lol

Or all the times people recommend music and movies, and I say "yeah, I'll check that out," knowing full well I won't.
agreeing with it means nothing at all
to actually change is a matter of force
It sounds counterintuitive, but it takes ruthlessness to forgive yourself, not compassion. It's like a membrane that must be broken through, for the greater good.
You have to love yourself enough to exert the necessary toughness and discipline the latent personality desperately needs.

Many do not have the strength to forgive themselves, but all that shame and guilt is just a disguise. An excuse to be their worst self and coddle their deficiencies. They'd rather be ineffective and miserable simply because it is easy, and delude themselves into thinking it's out of love.

It is the same way a child needs discipline and boundaries to flourish and develop a healthy self-image.
Ruthlessness never means being a dick, at least if you're impeccable. It means unwavering firmness and pragmatism.
--


As harsh as her words sound, she's fairly accurate in a lot of things she says here. Is there some self projection in her impressions? Yes. She is HARDLY impeccable. But she knows it. I don't need to get defensive and tell her. She still has a point. I looked back at all my snarky Facebook posts and thought back to past interactions and cringed.


There are means of building up personal energy which can help to create the momentum she speaks of, and I know what a number of them are. It shall be necessary if I want to truly change, which I do. I'm sick of being stuck in this same way of living, and being (as she points out) miserable. So I'm going to need to do these energetic disciplines. 

EDIT: Shannon just accidentally erased his upload and whatnot, so we'll be waiting until Monday cause he needs a day off. With that established, this energy work shall be ALL THE MORE important, because I am basically stuck without the benefit of subliminals to help the process. At least until Monday. 

This situation shall teach me a little something about industriousness and self reliance, at least. Can't expect the subliminals to do all the work for me. They're only an aid after all. The truth can sometimes be demoralizing, but only if one let's it. I asked for my friend's honest feedback because I knew I needed to hear it. The truth hurts sometimes. But that can change if we change ourselves. I remember her once saying "We live in the world we believe in. It doesn't get any less petty than we do" and she is very right. I look at all the stuff she said here and can see how people around me are similar and how I get fed up with all of it. But that shit won't change until I do. I need to go into hermit mode. Go within. Do energy work. Build the momentum to change. That's the only way I'll have a reality around me that will be different; changing the reality within myself. I can and WILL change, even if it hurts. 

Hopefully, it won't be much longer until UH comes out though, because then it will make the process easier, I'm sure. 

I hope Shannon gets the rest he needs! He's done a lot. 

So I have just awoken after my first night's usage of UH.

All's I can say is that when I was doing morning manifestation routine, the kind of fears/resistances were a little less intense, a little less quick to be triggered and noticeably easier to redirect my focus from.


That alone says something to me about this program, I would think. I don't wanna be too quick to rush to praising it just yet but though, as I have only ran ONE playthrough so far. Actually, I'm still on the last loop out of the six ony playlist as I write this.

I also went to bed last night with cracked, dry, itchy hands, because Utah weather dries me out easily. I am a Florida native and my body craves humidity.


I lotioned up last night like a MF tho. My hands seem WAS less dry this morning, but that could be from all the lotion. They still have the redness, irritation and itchiness, which means this thing definitely ain't so powerful as to just heal them overnight on my first run through, not that I expected it to. Still, if it had done that, that would have been something. At least UH is facilitating the healing process.

I also have gingevitis and canker sores that have been healing for the last week. They were already mostly healed up by last night, so it's a bit hard to gauge howuch of a role UH plays in facilitating that healing process. But we can watch and see how much UH helps to improve the quality of my gums.  I am using prescription mouth wash and toothpaste, as well as canker sore mouthwash. We shall see if UH helps as well.

I look forward to having the upgraded DRS in place. I've been getting better at being unreactive to negative energy directed at me than I had in the past. To be fear, running MLS for a year with a DRS, soaybe that helped a lot. But also I've been working on it.
Still, it shall be nice to throw peoples' negative energy right back in their face instead of taking it.
Though I am refraining from directing my focus and attention onto the negative like that, as a rule of thumb. I focus instead upon what I DO want: money, sex, love, romance, freedom, independence, a place of my own to live, the means to improve all forms of my content creation, etc.

I shall begin vocal routine for learning how to sing either today or tomorrow. This is b shall heal damage to my vocal cords, lungs etc and that gives me confidence!

Actually, now that I look at the left hand (which was bothering me the most last night) even though it is still itchy and kinda red and irritated, it is significantly less so than it was before I went to sleep. Maybe it's all the insane amounts of lotion I kept lathering it with? Maybe UH played a role? Who knows? Guess we'll see how quickly this program can work on new sites in need of healing once it gets into full swing.

It is also worth noting that for the first time in a while, I do not wake up feeling the need to masturbate. I know it's a gross subject, but it's definitely worth noting. Now is that cause of UH or some other reason? *Shrug* Who knows? Worth noting though, at the very least.

I just got back from a dental appointment. For the first time ever, I needed a whole 5 shots of novacaine on top of laughing gas while being so tired as to be al.ost alseep before they could finally numb me enough to do their work. The novacaine was wearing off FAST, and the dentist himself noted it. He couldn't understand why and I told him about the subliminal affirmation software and the detox module. I theorized that maybe my subconscious mind views novacaine as a toxin and is therefore detoxing it. He said "Maybe. The brain is a powerful thing"

@Shannon I figured you should read this, because it indicates the UH may be impacting things like medical procedures. At least it might. That said, I only started listening to it last night in my sleep! If it's the UH program, then that means this shit is powerful and works fast!

Also, my hands that were all messed up last night? Heavily healed atm. Not completely, but heavily. Almost completely! Think it's the UH? I HAVE been putting on hella lotion though...

Sounds like a great start. may you heal yourself swiftly.

Thanks Omni3

Update: it's been an hour and much of the novacaine has worn off. Dunno if it's really all that much faster than normal for it to start wearing off after sixty minutes, but considering that it was five shots worth of novacaine, I'd say that's a fairly quick wear off.

Gums are hurting though. I think that's the gingevitis of though. Hopefully the damage to my gums heals up fast with this sub.

EDIT: hand is actually still itchy and irritated. Guess I just couldn't feel it cuz of the effects of the laughing gas. 

Now that it's all worn off, I can feel the itch and the pain in my mouth from. Oth the dentistry work AND the gingevitis. Oiyoiyoi.

So I got steroidal cream for my eczema  and started putting lots of it onto my hands. We'll see how much that helps and speeds things along.


One interesting thing is that I keep waking up from my sleep. My dreams are more vivid too. In one of my dreams tonight, my tooth that got the crown taken off and replaced with a plastic temporary bwas hurting something fierce, as well as irl. And in the dream, I kept messing with it and the crown ca.e off, taking some tooth with it. I woke up, found my tooth and temporary plastic crown to be fine, went back to sleep, but started doing some sort of weird energetic healing stuff intuitively to focus healing energy at my tooth. I was in an altered state. Then it started hurting WAYY less and I went back to sleep. It feels much better now upon awaking again.


Also, when in those in-between states between waking and sleeping, I do manifestation stuff. I am increasingly getting better at the becoming method. The fearful thoughts which used to disrupt the session have now disappeared! This makes it MUCH easier to do the method. I have replaced my fears and doubts surrounding it with a kind of confident assuredness that everything is coming to me in perfect timing, and the hows are a surprise to be revealed when the time is perfectly right. Adopting this mentality has also helped to alleviate the fears immensely. I am uncertain how much of a role the program is playing, vs my own efforts to work on it before using the program. But once I started nursing it, a lot of that fear has been increasingly easier to deal with and let go of! Each time I do the becoming method, the fear is less and less of a problem. I was completely uninterrupted upon awaking and using the method tonight!

Oh, also the canker sores are pretty much gone at this point, but those were on their way out when I started using this program.

As for the eczema, that's definitely healing, but I still have it. 

But it's definitely less extreme now than it was yesterday. Or at least that's how it seems atm. It should be noted though that that's what I ? ught upon awaking yesterday, only to find it still was QUITE itchy and irritated. Still, with UH and the steroidal cream, I have the means to speed up the healing on that.

Welp. I can definitely tell the E5 is doing it's work. I dunno exactly what it's working on, but it had me in my bed shedding mild tears. About what? *Shrug*

Guess we'll just have to see where it's going with this. Instead of some sort of profound conscious realization or epiphany, it is just a process I am FEELING occuring. Very much being kept to my subconscious, I can tell. But I feel it working. The emotional healing is such a serious process I swear I'm even feeling it physically to some extent. Can't explain it. Very emotional though. You know what I'm feeling like right now? A woman. This is some womanly shit, just being hit with emotions from seemingly out of nowhere and not knowing why or what it's all about. Just that it feels intense and you feel like tearing up. That is not a phenomenon typically associated with the male experience, but I'm having it right now. That's for sure. Eh, I dunno, maybe it's my piss poor relationship with my own feminine aspect being worked on rn *Shrug*

Guess we'll just have to see as time moves on.

(02-05-2022, 10:47 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Welp. I can definitely tell the E5 is doing it's work. I dunno exactly what it's working on, but it had me in my bed shedding mild tears. About what? *Shrug*

Guess we'll just have to see where it's going with this. Instead of some sort of profound conscious realization or epiphany, it is just a process I am FEELING occuring. Very much being kept to my subconscious, I can tell. But I feel it working. The emotional healing is such a serious process I swear I'm even feeling it physically to some extent. Can't explain it. Very emotional though. You know what I'm feeling like right now? A woman. This is some womanly shit, just being hit with emotions from seemingly out of nowhere and not knowing why or what it's all about. Just that it feels intense and you feel like tearing up. That is not a phenomenon typically associated with the male experience, but I'm having it right now. That's for sure. Eh, I dunno, maybe it's my piss poor relationship with my own feminine aspect being worked on rn *Shrug*

Guess we'll just have to see as time moves on.

That is some serious Universal Healing. I went thru that when I was divorced crying like a women. It was the first crying for no reason. By the way there's always a reason as it works it way thru you the reason will come and than you will thank the healing for it. Good Luck on your healing...

(02-03-2022, 01:07 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]As for the eczema, that's definitely healing, but I still have it. 

But it's definitely less extreme now than it was yesterday. Or at least that's how it seems atm. It should be noted though that that's what I ? ught upon awaking yesterday, only to find it still was QUITE itchy and irritated. Still, with UH and the steroidal cream, I have the means to speed up the healing on that.

I think the following will help you.  It's an old video from Djehuty (famous herbalist in the conscious community) which explains that all skin disorders are blood disorders.  I learned this from him many years ago and that's when I started focusing on cleansing my blood.  

[Deleted by Shannon - in violation of rules against giving anything that could be taken as medical advice.]

Please don't do that.  Tell people how they can find the information, fine.  But you are going to be violating the rules on giving medical advice by saying things like I bolded, and I don't feel like getting in trouble for stuff like that.  So please just let the person know what to search for and where, and let them figure out the rest.  Things are crazy right now with what we can get in trouble for, and IML doesn't need that.

as for the crying, it is a common myth that men have no feelings, or aren't supposed to, but male or female, all humans have an emotional awareness and when it needs to heal it also commonly needs to express pain, which crying does. It's not about womanly or manly. It';s about being human and expressing the painful emotions that need to be expressed to heal.

Right on. Thanks guys! I appreciate the support. I'm glad this subliminal is already working so well and so fast!

So I didn't have time to update yesterday, but on day 7, I had forgotten to stop playing the sub at night and played it one more night than optimal. I will try to balance this out with one more night off, and only 5 days on once I get past the days off period. Then it'll be back to the recommended usage. This was not an attempt at sabotage, just me forgetting and messing up once. I wasn't used to the rhythm of this on/off cycle. I'll get better at it.

For the past couple of days, I've been dealing with heavy emotions. Mostly deep seated anger and resentment, along with emotional pain it's all connected to. Narcissistic issues regarding self worth and the feeling of needing to earn love and validation. I recognize this ultimately comes from within first and is reflected in the world around me second. We live in the world we believe in after all. But recognizing something consciously and recognizing it subconciously are two different things. I know it's really myself I'm angry at for treating myself this way, but also I still feel angry.

I am torn up between differing philosophies about how to handle it and distrusting all my own stances as being possibly rooted in very unhealthy places.

I would like to strive and dedicate myself towards some sort of higher purpose that benefits the world, but struggle to come up with a clear vision for what that purpose would be. I know I need to though. It's the only way I'll find my sense of self worth independently of others. But what is my mission? What do I want it to be? How can it benefit others? I know I want to be creative and make music and whatnot, as well as run my own business and make money. But I also want to do something that provides tangible, real world concrete results that benefit some higher value for myself and others. I struggle to see the service towards any but myself in many of my ambitions.

Do not try to balance it out by screwing with the instructions more unless that's an AutoConfig thing. If it's not, just continue as instructed from this point with the correct number of days on and off.

(02-09-2022, 01:50 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Do not try to balance it out by screwing with the instructions more unless that's an AutoConfig thing.  If it's not, just continue as instructed from this point with the correct number of days on and off.

Okay. Roger that Shannon. Thanks.