First day off. Feeling calm but a little sad as well. I saw my ex today when she came to drop off some of my things that she had. I was very anxious leading up to seeing her, couldn't concentrate on work, knots in my stomach. She seemed very cold and uncaring towards me. Literally just came to bring the things and be rid of me. At least that's what I felt. It hurt a little. When I smelled my clothes that she returned it still had her scent, and that caused me to feel a sensation of loss a bit more. I started thinking if I even should have asked for these things back at all or just let her keep them.
Aside from that while I am feeling a little sad from that interaction. I do feel a bit of optimism as well. Recently I've been feeling more emboldened to try and meet new women. Trying to increase my value and what I have to offer. I really feel like I wasted my 20's. I pretty much spent the whole thing in relationships, and when I'm comfortable I tend to be less ambitious and driven. Since I've been single I've poured all my effort into improving myself in an attempt to increase my value as fast as possible and as much as possible to the level of others my age. I know life isn't a competition but when people hear your age they expect you to be at a certain point in life, and I most certainly was falling below that level.
I recently applied for a new part time job and the first meeting is on Monday so I'm looking forward to that. I haven't been interacting with people very much lately since I'm working from home and quit my other part time retail job. So hopefully this new job will bring some new interactions into my life.
Something that I identified about myself which I really hate is that when I'm single I know all the right things to say and do, the right way to act to attract a girl. but once I get comfortable in the relationship I always let things slide and slowly become someone who they're not attracted to. This is the second time it's happened to me while in long term relationships. If I ever hope to have a life partner I need to fix this within myself.
Its a bit depressing at the same time to know that I really can't be "myself" and have someone stay. But oh well, such is the life of a man
Update: I noticed that after blasting my brain for so many loops of E5 I'm seriously having trouble reading things properly. I'm mixing up the sequence of words in a sentence and maybe even missing words entirely until I look at the media again after it doesn't make sense to me.
Had some dreams last night, I can't remember too much of it. But one part that I remember very clearly was that I ran into this girl that I know from my past. She was probably my first love. In real life she and I don't talk anymore, I'm pretty sure she can see my messages but she just never responds. Anyways, in the dream I gave her a hug and I playfully scolded her for ignoring all my messages. She couldn't stay long so I just gave her another hug and said goodbye.
Just some rambling from me:
I'm starting to look at this period in my life as a period of great growth and opportunity. My whole life up to now I've been very sheltered and limited in my thinking of what I can do and achieve. Everything I need physically is provided by my parents. I never really had to struggle or face any challenge, and I think it's severely limited my potential. We can all want to achieve things but unless we're actually forced to achieve then maybe we never put the real effort required to be successful.
Im taking this struggle and opportunity as a chance to rise to this challenge and
Still listening to the sub for as many loops as I can muster. Something very unique happened today. I think I finally committed and made a decision on how I'm going to get my debts paid off. Having this debt has really affected my confidence and my ability to progress in life. I was barely keeping my head above water. Something in me just clicked and I found peace with the solution that I have.
If this works out as I'm expecting it to, my quality of life and happiness will be increasing quite a lot. And also I got a new part time job that's quite convenient for me. So I'll be a very tired man but I'm working towards my goals and I'll be making more money than I've ever made
Switched to hybrid, still listening as much as I can. I just remembered that I'm on the subscription so I'm running as many loops as I can while I can.
I had some more dreams last night. I was at my middle school that I attended as a kid. Hopefully things are being worked on.
I don't really know what to say anymore. Healing and clearing isn't really the most noticeable thing to know when a Change has occurred. It's not until you're in a situation and you react differently that you know you've changed.
I know I haven't even run e5 for a month yet, but I haven't made up my mind yet on how long I really want to run this sub.
To be honest I agree with another post I read recently on here, I'm getting tired of running subs. Tired of getting on the hype train chasing that holy grail of subs that will finally produce the end result
(11-19-2021, 11:36 AM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]Switched to hybrid, still listening as much as I can. I just remembered that I'm on the subscription so I'm running as many loops as I can while I can.
I had some more dreams last night. I was at my middle school that I attended as a kid. Hopefully things are being worked on.
I don't really know what to say anymore. Healing and clearing isn't really the most noticeable thing to know when a Change has occurred. It's not until you're in a situation and you react differently that you know you've changed.
I know I haven't even run e5 for a month yet, but I haven't made up my mind yet on how long I really want to run this sub.
To be honest I agree with another post I read recently on here, I'm getting tired of running subs. Tired of getting on the hype train chasing that holy grail of subs that will finally produce the end result
I understand where you're coming from with the hype train. I've seen results with subs, but that's only one person's point of view. Hope you get what you want on E5.
(11-19-2021, 11:43 AM)Sky Wrote: [ -> ] (11-19-2021, 11:36 AM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]Switched to hybrid, still listening as much as I can. I just remembered that I'm on the subscription so I'm running as many loops as I can while I can.
I had some more dreams last night. I was at my middle school that I attended as a kid. Hopefully things are being worked on.
I don't really know what to say anymore. Healing and clearing isn't really the most noticeable thing to know when a Change has occurred. It's not until you're in a situation and you react differently that you know you've changed.
I know I haven't even run e5 for a month yet, but I haven't made up my mind yet on how long I really want to run this sub.
To be honest I agree with another post I read recently on here, I'm getting tired of running subs. Tired of getting on the hype train chasing that holy grail of subs that will finally produce the end result
I understand where you're coming from with the hype train. I've seen results with subs, but that's only one person's point of view. Hope you get what you want on E5.
It's not that I haven't seen any results at all, but I don't think any sub I've run over the last 7-8 years had actually reached its end goal.
(11-19-2021, 06:23 PM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ] (11-19-2021, 11:43 AM)Sky Wrote: [ -> ] (11-19-2021, 11:36 AM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]Switched to hybrid, still listening as much as I can. I just remembered that I'm on the subscription so I'm running as many loops as I can while I can.
I had some more dreams last night. I was at my middle school that I attended as a kid. Hopefully things are being worked on.
I don't really know what to say anymore. Healing and clearing isn't really the most noticeable thing to know when a Change has occurred. It's not until you're in a situation and you react differently that you know you've changed.
I know I haven't even run e5 for a month yet, but I haven't made up my mind yet on how long I really want to run this sub.
To be honest I agree with another post I read recently on here, I'm getting tired of running subs. Tired of getting on the hype train chasing that holy grail of subs that will finally produce the end result
I understand where you're coming from with the hype train. I've seen results with subs, but that's only one person's point of view. Hope you get what you want on E5.
It's not that I haven't seen any results at all, but I don't think any sub I've run over the last 7-8 years had actually reached its end goal.
I've been running subs for a long time as well. I see your point. I guess since I've seen improvements in my life, I don't really question it and just do my best with my life with the subs in the background.
I forgot to post this morning, but last night I remember having some very vivid dreams I was at a resort in the desert and I was climbing a sand dune and on the other side of the dune was a pool of glowing blue water. There were some other sections and aspects to the dream that I cant recall anymore, but still interesting.
Having dreams makes me feel like things are getting done.
For most of my life I've had a dream almost every single night without fail. During my teen years they were so vivid and I would be able to become lucid during the dream. I would realize I'm dreaming and just start doing whatever I wanted and just try to keep the dream going without waking up.
I think this kind of stopped when I hit 25-26. Since then I really don't dream very often. I think my snoring might have something to do with the dreams going away. I've now become a loud and consistent snorer while sleeping.
Hey man, how would you summarize your experience with the sub thus far? Getting ready to begin a run in dec. Asked another member the same but would like some mor efeedback if you wouldnt mind sharing
(11-22-2021, 06:23 PM)Broski Wrote: [ -> ]Hey man, how would you summarize your experience with the sub thus far? Getting ready to begin a run in dec. Asked another member the same but would like some mor efeedback if you wouldnt mind sharing
I think the sub is really doing some heavy work below the surface. Unless you really have another sub you want to run I would recommend running E5. It’ll enhance whatever you decide to run after. I think it’s worth it just for that alone.
I’ve only run it for a month but I see a change in the way I interact with others and also my self talk. Even in the things I’m willing to do now that I never would have done before. I’m going through a big change life wise but I also attribute some of the change to the sub aswell
Really feeling down these last few days. Still having vivid dreams at night. But I'm just so tired of life right now. Tired of everything. Tired of all this self improvement, tired of having to work so hard and have so little to show. Tired of struggling, I just want something to come easy for once.
I had a pretty vivid dream last night. I had been walking around a college campus and I ented up in the library I opened up my phone and saw a post from my ex, she was at the same library but I couldn't find her. I went outside and I came to a grassy area and I sat down. A woman came up to me and started talking to me. Asked me how I was doing and she felt like I've been struggling lately. I agreed and started to tear up a little. Then she took out her phone and said not to worry and showed me some pictures of tigers and lions and said that's me.
Then she took me to a farm, and on this farm was an actual lion and tiger. (and also a talking velociraptor)
Not sure what it all means, but I really do feel like I'm struggling these days.my burning motivation to go out and do things is pretty much gone. I'm just depressed and moping about. It's really hard to change your mindset and have a positive one, when you've always had a negative one your whole life. I've always had self esteem and insecurity issues. Whenever I was with a girl I would either smother her or find ways for her to cut people off because I felt like if she had other people in her life she would see that I'm not good enough.
I'd do things like talk to her all the time with the intention that if she's always talking to me she can't fit anyone else in her life. Or if she has no friends then no one can give her advice or talk bad about me, or encourage her to leave me. I basically made it to that I was the only support for her in her life. And to me that just screams of neediness and insecurity. I wish I could change this easily.
That there are better guys out there that I cant compare to.
And I really think that statement has permeated my whole life. I don't have friends who are close to me in age because I can't compare with them. Whether it be my height, my money, my looks, my sex, I just feel like I can't compare.
Pretty shit way to live.
(11-27-2021, 07:58 AM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]I had a pretty vivid dream last night. I had been walking around a college campus and I ented up in the library I opened up my phone and saw a post from my ex, she was at the same library but I couldn't find her. I went outside and I came to a grassy area and I sat down. A woman came up to me and started talking to me. Asked me how I was doing and she felt like I've been struggling lately. I agreed and started to tear up a little. Then she took out her phone and said not to worry and showed me some pictures of tigers and lions and said that's me.
Then she took me to a farm, and on this farm was an actual lion and tiger. (and also a talking velociraptor)
Not sure what it all means, but I really do feel like I'm struggling these days.my burning motivation to go out and do things is pretty much gone. I'm just depressed and moping about. It's really hard to change your mindset and have a positive one, when you've always had a negative one your whole life. I've always had self esteem and insecurity issues. Whenever I was with a girl I would either smother her or find ways for her to cut people off because I felt like if she had other people in her life she would see that I'm not good enough.
I'd do things like talk to her all the time with the intention that if she's always talking to me she can't fit anyone else in her life. Or if she has no friends then no one can give her advice or talk bad about me, or encourage her to leave me. I basically made it to that I was the only support for her in her life. And to me that just screams of neediness and insecurity. I wish I could change this easily.
That there are better guys out there that I cant compare to.
And I really think that statement has permeated my whole life. I don't have friends who are close to me in age because I can't compare with them. Whether it be my height, my money, my looks, my sex, I just feel like I can't compare.
Pretty shit way to live.
what do u mean by you cant compare to them?