Subliminal Talk

Thanks man. And yes. I've been using letting go in various forms for a number of years with temp effects.

four days into stage 4 and I have done

- more or less nothing. I was hitting at about $70 a day average in my side hustle in the last week of St 3; things are much drier this week
- I've desperately forced myself to go out running again, my fitness has dropped massively
- I've begun wim hof again to improve my fitness
- I've begun battling my procrastination with a process I've developed based on six pillars of self esteem. When I'm stuck I do the following process of questioning based on themes

1. Theme: Self Consciousness
- What is happening right now, what do I feel, what am I trying to avoid (normally it's a sense of shame/inadequacy)
- What do I want to do right now? (normally i run through not wanting to work, but also if I'm conciouss enough, it's not that I don't want to work, it's that I really want to work and be successful but don't believe I will be successful; and if I'm truthful I don't really know that I won't be successful, that's just a mental creation.

2. Theme: Self Acceptance
- How can I honour my feelings, wants and needs? What can I do to accept what is happening within and what I think?

3. Theme: Self Assertiveness
- If I could assert my feelings, wants and needs minimally what would I do?

4: Theme: Self responsibility
- Acknowledge that I am responsible for everything in my life, nothing changes unless I pick it up and change it

That seems to break the deadlock and get me going

It's been hard but feels like a corner has been turned.

- I have sent my CV to three people
- Been psychically attacked; at least i think so. Someone has said they are out to get my family and i have felt myself heating up randomly. I'm wondering if this is DRS.
- I'm scared of what they'll do to some degree
- have a decent money making week ahead with about $350 in the pipeline

@Shannon I'm sorry for dumping a load of negativity on you. It was just the phase I was in.

Bro, Are u okay?

All good brother. How are you getting on?

What volume have you been using?

I just started using ultrasonic at 85%.

SO

- Signed up to donate some more of my monthly earnings to good causes; money is a flow and has to have utility; and I felt an urge to do so
- Invited to interview; first one is today, expecting I will b invited to more. These aren't jobs I want, they pay more but I'm creating momentum
- My attitude toward people feels different, I had a lot of resentment toward people but I'm working at forgiveness. After receiving very dark and toxic hate from someone, it's visible to me how that rebounds on itself and does nothing good, achieves often the reverse of its intention. With that I'm feeling more connection to people in my life; I've forgiven and reached out to several people I felt wronged me in the past to complete those situations and leave then behind.
- Keep trying to run, but my body has very little energy. I've been doing wim hof for three days now and hoping that makes things better. Let's see

SOOOOOO

I had covid, which wiped out the last three weeks. Just back to normal now and getting back at it.
- A final stage interview for a job coming up
- applied to three more yesterday, not heard back
- procrastinated on a job app which i was a great fit for and would have tripled my salary, missed the deadline.

Man it's been a while since I posted.

For anyone still following...

I haven't run UMS in about a month and started again last night

but here's what's up.

- Final interview for a job this week which would give me a 40% pay rise.
- Meditating daily, running every other day
- decreasingly afraid of the world but equally laziness has been holding me back.

I had what could only be described as very spiritual experiences which got me to the bottom of my fears. They showed me the imperfect mental models created as a child to deal with the world that settled inside me. What was amazing was how the brain had brought together a series of sounds, images, and sensations as a program instructing me to be afraid of being left out - some of these images and sensations were totally random - but make sense now. for example some foods were noted as remedies for the feeling of aloneness. This was what a baby's brain did to find safety amid an abundance of input and turned me into what i am.

I saw many things besides this and it will take more time to process. It's not every day you go beyond death and have a look around.

peace.

Nice results man. You described your experience really well.

Ok SO

I tried starting UMS again, but I went and had a spiritual experience, where I saw and experienced things which were very much out of this world. This left me rootless for a while, trying to find my feet and reason for doing things. I had very little connection to the material for a while and was just kind of floating around (not literally, as in I was just listless for a while).

In this experience, let's call it a dream so I don't violate any rules. I was confronted with a lot of negativity - telling me I was nothing and no body, and 'who the hell did I think I was' ( coming to that place). In it I learned that nothing would affirm me. In the Chaos of reality, it is upon me to be the 'witness' and affirmation of my existence. I wonder if this makes sense to anyone, Shannon I'd appreciate your views since I'm sure you know more about this.

This has thrown up some real existential problems for me, ego and personal will is a problem in the faith tradition i'm raised in (and programming I have), and I have some anxiety about what's typically referred to as 'sin', particularly the ill of placing one's own ego and personal needs above everything else. I'm also often overwhelmed by how many problems there are in the world and my inability to do anything about it. 

Anyway - I will resolve this and continue on my journey.

Other things that are happening.
- Taken up catch wrestling, which is the hardest thing i've ever done. after several weeks I'm quite hooked and really learning a lot about myself and interactions with others. Some things I'm learning are.
       -  how I hide when it comes to conflict, 
          how I 'tap out' far to quickly in every aspect of my life, when a little more determination will give me a win.
       - how people's body language intimidates me, 
        - most importantly how I impact others.. I've never competed or fought for anything against someone, and I               only perceive their impact on me, but the reality is I have an impact too. And I can intimidate, push on and be              determined; 
         - how knowledge and skill makes the process easier, If i know more and have more skill than the other guy, I                can use less energy
         - hugely, the importance of not spending energy recklessly, I do this so much in my phone addiction, in brooding on things neurotically. 

Otherwise I have, finally, gotten a new job - it pays me a good amount more but I don't know where it will take me after. I'm considering completing a qualification as well.

Spiritual things can make you go insane because there's always lacking the fundamental thing of grounded reality.

In my experience it is good to explore the spiritual stuff but never good to go too much into it.

It becomes an empty void and a form of escapism and suddenly there's little to no meaning to life and you are feeling lost.

What I've found is the basics of being present to the moment is the key to unlock most spiritual stuff.

Once you start living mostly in the present moment, you can explore the spiritual world within the confines of the physical world that is also very much real.

Your experiences will heighten and you will feel deep meaning again.

That's been my experience over and over and recently just over again.

-LM

@LionMonkey Totally agree. Spirituality should be a means to enhance/ enrich your experience of life, not disconnect you from it.