Subliminal Talk

So after putting it off for a long time I started OF V3 last night. Basically OF has been muscle testing as what I need for me for 7 months! But i've kept putting it off, finding excuses to not do it, or having other things come up like physical things I need to deal with first convieniently when I wanted to start OF.

So you can bet there's alot of fear about not having fear, and resistance to actually doing this. I can even think back to when I did AM6 knowing I needed to really deal with fear but instead doing other things.

Also I struggled to decide between OF V3 and UMS V2. Fear is holding me back in many areas, one specific area that I need to move forward, but money is also an issue that partly contributes to that. I realized I need OF first and part of wanting to goto UMS instead was part of resistance to doing so.


LTU 6 was very good, more so than other programs but I do still feel that it's full expression was held back by fear.

Apart from what I need to deal with, fear is at the forefront in the world right now. It's being thrown at us from every angle, and alot of it is to bring in crazy things disproportionate to the threat. I won't go into any more detail about that as it would get controversial and I can go on about it for quite a while.

I made a list of fears last night which i'll add to when I think of more, and I plan to check the list after a few months to think about how they have shifted.

Started as described. 1 loop. 2 days on/3 days off. Ultrasonic at night in bed.

Started 18/7/21.

It's still hard for me to get my head around it only being an hour of listening, especially when back in the AM days I tried a huge amount of hours, like listening all night then most of the day. It's awesome though.

Yes it's likely i'll need to increase the listening, but i'll stick to this for a while first. I'll post observations from the first night of listening in a seperate post soon.

Great chpice, Ben.

Ah yes...Ben has joined us on the dark side!

Enjoy the ride mate.

Thanks guys, it's sure to be interesting.

So first night of listening.

As soon as I turned it on I noticed things coming to mind, I can't actually remember now. But I have this weird sabotage thing i've mentioned in the past where my mind tries to get rid of results, mainly i'll start having them and when I notice then it will start doing it. I've not been able to fully solve it. Usually this doesn't happen straight away, but almost as soon as I started OF it was coming up, which actually says to me that OF is going deeper to hit upon it so quickly.

I also had a bit of a headache at one stage during the night. I woke up in the middle of the night with fear and anxiety around things I fear might happen if I stand up for what I believe in, almost like it's helping deal with the fears in the forefront of my mind right now.

I had 2 sex dreams with a woman i'm friends with. I've had a couple of thoughts of being with her, but can't say I really cared that much. But I had those dreams and I woke up thinking that my fear actually makes me suppress my sexual desires so much that I don't even feel like I have it sometimes, especially with women I know because the 'risk' is higher, like rejection or causing conflict in the friendship group and such.

I also had a dream about a rash i've had getting worse, that i've been dealing with for quite a while. Seems like there is a fear aspect to it if it's coming up.

The weird thing is I woke up this morning with a sore right hip. Since there's no physical explanation and i've done nothing to cause it, the only explanation is OF and a response to fear being processed. I wonder the symbology of the right hip.

Also I joined dating sites again like a week ago and alot of neediness coming up. Almost overnight I lost alot of interest in the women I was messaging, like the neediness partly coming from fear.. and knowing they aren't really the ideal women i'd like to be with.

Today, a few little things. Less reluctance to get into a cold shower which I started doing a week or two ago again. I do warm after and am building up the time.

Some calmness, but also a bit of a sore head and neck, also on the right side. I felt that I had less hesitation in doing my workout, where usually I may have left it longer after finishing doing some work, today I did it straight away.

Also a bit less urge to go on social media at the start of the day. This can be an issue as reading about alot of the craziness in the world can start off my day negatively. So it'd be good if that lessened more. I had this lessen alot during LTU but kind of got stuck in it again recently, like waking up and checking social media straight away when in bed. Not a good idea.

Notice the fear of a certain action I should take, and feeling like I 'just can't be bothered with the hassle' and how I know this is fear.

My last observation is how subtle and sneaky fear is. Like these things I am afraid of doing it's not like I think of them and feel heaps of fear or terror or anything.. most of the time it's just a feeling of being 'blocked' or 'numb' and just not really wanting to do it, 'I can't be bothered type feelings' but under those.. definately fear.

Congratulations Ben.... awesome step!! Im understating it hugely. as I've said on several men's journals here. I envy you all and appreciate your choice of utilizing OFv3. I know its going to serve you well. More power to ya Man. the journey with UMSv2 continues. Oh ,almost forgot, what I ititally came in here for.... to compliment you on the handle you choose...as in "Make Fear Fiction again" dayummm I Like that !! Rock n Roll, Ben!!

Ben, I'm going to suggest that you start off doing 1 loop per day on and take 2 days off, and then increase 1 loop per cycle until you feel like you're getting solid results that can override the fear responses and the self sabotage. Congrats on facing your fears. If your experience with OFv3 is anything like mine, you're going to come to really love what it does for you. I deeply miss it, and there are parts of me that really want to switch back.

(07-18-2021, 08:44 PM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ]Congratulations Ben.... awesome step!! Im understating it hugely.  as I've said on several men's journals here. I envy you all and appreciate your choice of utilizing OFv3. I know its going to serve you well. More power to ya Man. the journey with UMSv2 continues.  Oh  ,almost forgot, what I ititally came in here for.... to compliment you on the handle you choose...as in "Make Fear Fiction again"  dayummm I Like that !! Rock n Roll, Ben!!

Thanks Keith. UMS V2 will likely be next for me, though there will of course be other things that have come out in the meantime to tempt me.

(07-19-2021, 09:32 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Ben, I'm going to suggest that you start off doing 1 loop per day on and take 2 days off, and then increase 1 loop per cycle until you feel like you're getting solid results that can override the fear responses and the self sabotage.  Congrats on facing your fears.  If your experience with OFv3 is anything like mine, you're going to come to really love what it does for you.  I deeply miss it, and there are parts of me that really want to switch back.

Ok sounds good. I did my second night last night so i'll just take 2 nights off now and then do it like that. Not sure if I should then add the second loop after 2 nights off, I guess i'll see how I feel.

I can say though that i've already been having desires to listen more. This morning I had this strong craving like "I really want to listen tonight, instead of a night off" but now i'm feeling depressed and like I don't want to listen tonight and take the normal night off. That may partly be due to not eating as much today because i'm doing a liver flush tonight.

Plus my head feels constricted which come up last night after listening and has been coming and going. I'll report the stuff from last night and today in another post.

I'm finding it a little difficult to think or focus at the moment, but i'll try.

Last night I didn't remember my dreams as well, but I did have a really weird one. The only parts I remember is that there was this guy kidnapping women and hanging them up on the roof naked from their feet. I ended up fighting him, but it was kind of like a brazilian jiu jitsu match. I was behind him and trying to choke him and he was trying to stab me in the leg. I grabbed his arms and put him in a choke and was trying to choke him out but it wasn't doing much.

Then I noticed the 'timer' counting down (as in the round timer for mma) and then the 'match' got broken up, I think the dream ended after that.

Yeah I have no idea, weird shit.  

I've noticed a bit of waking up thinking about certain things that i've wanted to ignore or not look at that are happening. Like a subtle 'face reality' thing.

This morning I noticed something subtly different in my perception that I can't explain.

I went down the street to get some fruit as i'm not meant to eat much fat before my flush, felt a little anxious. I've noticed a bit of anxiety going out recently, mainly due to all the fear and bs being thrown at us and sometimes it feels like it's 'in the air'. During LTU I was able to deal with this well, but it must have been the 'conscious shielding' of emotions, as I would feel pretty relaxed and comfortable but then i'd notice anxiety and weakness in my voice.

Today I noticed I felt a little more anxious, but I was more okay with it and my voice was still strong.

The other cool thing is that this morning I had no desire to look at social media stuff, though this afternoon it's like I went down a hole and this obsessiveness come up and i'm wanting to keep checking it. This has been coming up a bit recently. It will be good if this desire lessens more, I have no idea how it could be attributed to fear though.

The frustration is that I want to continue Qigong, but i'm not totally sure if it effects OF negatively. Qigong is good for more energy and for sex drive and I want to keep doing it. But I notice after doing it I feel a little different, like my perception shifts from subtle things i'm noticing from OF to other things.

I'll just keep doing it for now and observe, it's not mind programming, it's building energy in the body and circulating it to build your energy which is why it's beneficial.

So felt pretty good this morning, relaxed, a subtle calmness. This afternoon feeling weak, depressed, not knowing what to do with myself. Hard to focus.

(07-19-2021, 09:21 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-19-2021, 09:32 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Ben, I'm going to suggest that you start off doing 1 loop per day on and take 2 days off, and then increase 1 loop per cycle until you feel like you're getting solid results that can override the fear responses and the self sabotage.  Congrats on facing your fears.  If your experience with OFv3 is anything like mine, you're going to come to really love what it does for you.  I deeply miss it, and there are parts of me that really want to switch back.

Ok sounds good. I did my second night last night so i'll just take 2 nights off now and then do it like that. Not sure if I should then add the second loop after 2 nights off, I guess i'll see how I feel.

I can say though that i've already been having desires to listen more. This morning I had this strong craving like "I really want to listen tonight, instead of a night off" but now i'm feeling depressed and like I don't want to listen tonight and take the normal night off. That may partly be due to not eating as much today because i'm doing a liver flush tonight.

Plus my head feels constricted which come up last night after listening and has been coming and going. I'll report the stuff from last night and today in another post.

3 on, 2 off. And whenever you gwt that urge for more, do it immediately. Otherwise you end up with resistance trying to sabotage you.

Cool, thanks. I'll do the 3rd night tonight then and take 2 off. And i'll see if the urge comes up again tomorrow.

Immediately as in play the loops right then? I didn't think of that since i'm listening at night, but interesting idea actually.

(07-19-2021, 09:32 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-19-2021, 09:21 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-19-2021, 09:32 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Ben, I'm going to suggest that you start off doing 1 loop per day on and take 2 days off, and then increase 1 loop per cycle until you feel like you're getting solid results that can override the fear responses and the self sabotage.  Congrats on facing your fears.  If your experience with OFv3 is anything like mine, you're going to come to really love what it does for you.  I deeply miss it, and there are parts of me that really want to switch back.

Ok sounds good. I did my second night last night so i'll just take 2 nights off now and then do it like that. Not sure if I should then add the second loop after 2 nights off, I guess i'll see how I feel.

I can say though that i've already been having desires to listen more. This morning I had this strong craving like "I really want to listen tonight, instead of a night off" but now i'm feeling depressed and like I don't want to listen tonight and take the normal night off. That may partly be due to not eating as much today because i'm doing a liver flush tonight.

Plus my head feels constricted which come up last night after listening and has been coming and going. I'll report the stuff from last night and today in another post.

3 on, 2 off. And whenever you gwt that urge for more, do it immediately. Otherwise you end up with resistance trying to sabotage you.

This is literally a HUGE problem for me, lmao.

On one side, I hear your post about you telling someone they need rest days, especially if they're going so far outside the norm in loops listened to.

On the other side, I hear your post about listening to the autoconfig, even on off days.

Because for me, I get huge urges to listen everyday, I go days where I do like 10 loops of hybrid headphones flac. And do ultrasonic phone speakers for sleeping. I often get insatiable urges, I've rarely ever taken a day off for weeks now. So much so, that I wonder if it's even a resistance tactic. To perhaps overwhelm the mind and drown it in loops so it can't fully process them maybe.

Even now, on a "day off", I'm getting urges to listen again and it's only like 3AM, lol. I do gets bouts of exhaustion doing this, but it's intermittent it's not like a giant level of exhaustion that means I've way overdone it or anything, if you get me. So I must be able to "handle it" it sounds like.

We don't want resistance trying to sabotage us, you're right. So I guess I should just keep pushing with it until I'm crazy exhausted. Fair enough I suppose I should consider documenting things with my own journal to assist development. This issue was close to me, so I wanted to comment.

Enjoy the run, Ben!

(07-19-2021, 09:49 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Cool, thanks. I'll do the 3rd night tonight then and take 2 off. And i'll see if the urge comes up again tomorrow.

Immediately as in play the loops right then? I didn't think of that since i'm listening at night, but interesting idea actually.

Play the loops when you get the urge to play the loops.  As in, if you get the urge to play them right now, play them right now.

If you get the urge to add a day on, then play them at your normal time, but add a day on.

Listen to the parts of you executing autoconfig, and follow their directions.