Day 3
I started using OFv2 sooner than I had originally planned. Saturday night I was lying in bed, restless and ruminating over a particular topic that was stoking my anxiety. Although I was tired, I couldn't sleep. So, I turned on my OFv2 playlist of three Ultrasonic loops at a volume of 12/15 clicks. Soon, I was drifting off to sleep. I looked at my phone to see how much time had lapsed...17 minutes and 2 seconds. Impressive.
The next day I was pretty tired and ended up getting in bed early. I didn't allow an adequate break following LTU6, so that's to be expected.
Last night I woke up multiple times. Each time I had the very appropriate lyrics from the following song playing in my mind:
Well I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, children get older
And I'm getting older too
I've built my entire life around fear. I don't know what to do without it. But I have a limited number of years in front of me and I need to use the time that I still have wisely.
This morning, I threw the covers off of me. I was sweating in a cold room. I was even trembling at one point. I was also experiencing butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I was a kid in the fifth grade again, totally eaten up with anxiety. The butterflies have eased up since I've been awake, but the heat is still there.
I've been looking forward to running OFv2 for a long time now and I'm pleased to see that it's already going to work. Considering how strongly fear has asserted it's influence in my life, I suspect that this sub is going to be something special for me. I'm looking forward to being free from this immense burden I've carried throughout my life.
[url=https://genius.com/Fleetwood-mac-landslide-lyrics#note-2207764][/url]
(03-08-2021, 03:35 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 3
I started using OFv2 sooner than I had originally planned. Saturday night I was lying in bed, restless and ruminating over a particular topic that was stoking my anxiety. Although I was tired, I couldn't sleep. So, I turned on my OFv2 playlist of three Ultrasonic loops at a volume of 12/15 clicks. Soon, I was drifting off to sleep. I looked at my phone to see how much time had lapsed...17 minutes and 2 seconds. Impressive.
The next day I was pretty tired and ended up getting in bed early. I didn't allow an adequate break following LTU6, so that's to be expected.
Last night I woke up multiple times. Each time I had the very appropriate lyrics from the following song playing in my mind:
Well I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, children get older
And I'm getting older too
I've built my entire life around fear. I don't know what to do without it. But I have a limited number of years in front of me and I need to use the time that I still have wisely.
This morning, I threw the covers off of me. I was sweating in a cold room. I was even trembling at one point. I was also experiencing butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I was a kid in the fifth grade again, totally eaten up with anxiety. The butterflies have eased up since I've been awake, but the heat is still there.
I've been looking forward to running OFv2 for a long time now and I'm pleased to see that it's already going to work. Considering how strongly fear has asserted it's influence in my life, I suspect that this sub is going to be something special for me. I'm looking forward to being free from this immense burden I've carried throughout my life.
[url=https://genius.com/Fleetwood-mac-landslide-lyrics#note-2207764][/url]
I plan on running OF V2 after E4 in June. I am very much looking forward to it. E4 has dealt with a lot of emotional issues but I think fear holds me back more than I realize.
(03-08-2021, 08:26 AM)THolt Wrote: [ -> ] (03-08-2021, 03:35 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 3
I started using OFv2 sooner than I had originally planned. Saturday night I was lying in bed, restless and ruminating over a particular topic that was stoking my anxiety. Although I was tired, I couldn't sleep. So, I turned on my OFv2 playlist of three Ultrasonic loops at a volume of 12/15 clicks. Soon, I was drifting off to sleep. I looked at my phone to see how much time had lapsed...17 minutes and 2 seconds. Impressive.
The next day I was pretty tired and ended up getting in bed early. I didn't allow an adequate break following LTU6, so that's to be expected.
Last night I woke up multiple times. Each time I had the very appropriate lyrics from the following song playing in my mind:
Well I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, children get older
And I'm getting older too
I've built my entire life around fear. I don't know what to do without it. But I have a limited number of years in front of me and I need to use the time that I still have wisely.
This morning, I threw the covers off of me. I was sweating in a cold room. I was even trembling at one point. I was also experiencing butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I was a kid in the fifth grade again, totally eaten up with anxiety. The butterflies have eased up since I've been awake, but the heat is still there.
I've been looking forward to running OFv2 for a long time now and I'm pleased to see that it's already going to work. Considering how strongly fear has asserted it's influence in my life, I suspect that this sub is going to be something special for me. I'm looking forward to being free from this immense burden I've carried throughout my life.
[url=https://genius.com/Fleetwood-mac-landslide-lyrics#note-2207764][/url]
I plan on running OF V2 after E4 in June. I am very much looking forward to it. E4 has dealt with a lot of emotional issues but I think fear holds me back more than I realize.
Fear has simultaneously been a source of motivation and constraint for me. It will be interesting to see what's left once the fear is gone. I should have a clearer image of who I really am. That's exciting.
Hey, Nomad? YOU are one deep muther for ya,' Man!! Respect and appreciation. OFv2 is one deep under taking, well worth the journey.!! I look forward to seeing your posts on this journey!!
(03-08-2021, 01:52 PM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ]Hey, Nomad? YOU are one deep muther for ya,' Man!! Respect and appreciation. OFv2 is one deep under taking, well worth the journey.!! I look forward to seeing your posts on this journey!!
Thanks Keith. I appreciate the encouragement. I'm eager to see what this baby can do!
Are you listening through speakers?
Now I have Landslide (but the Smashing Pumpkins cover of it) stuck in my head! :-D
(03-08-2021, 06:48 PM)London1 Wrote: [ -> ]Are you listening through speakers?
I'm using my phone (Galaxy S8) speaker.
(03-08-2021, 07:35 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Now I have Landslide (but the Smashing Pumpkins cover of it) stuck in my head! :-D
At least it isn't "Baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo... "
Day 3
This sub is going straight to work. Dreams ranging from a heist to Easter egg hunting to being seduced in a restaurant were very vivid. At one point, I woke up in fear as if I was in the presence of something evil. Just thinking about it gives me chills.
Sleep wasn't great. I woke up at least once every hour. I was in some state in-between semi-awake and sleep most of the night, like I couldn't (or wouldn't) fully relinquish being awake. Some part of me seems to be on 'high alert'. Maybe that's a form of resisting the script. Also, I experienced intense body heat again this morning.
Edit: added day
Day 3 (cont'd)
I was humming a song this morning as I got out of bed. When I opened my streaming music app, that song came on. It's entirely possible that it was the last song I heard while playing the app a few days ago and part of my mind latched on to that. Even if I didn't hear it, it's possible that I saw the title of the song pop up a few days ago. In other words, there are some plausible explanations that I fully acknowledge.
The song was "Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House, which has some interesting lyrics considering the potential effects of this sub (see write up) along with my reasons for using it to begin with.
This may or may not be of significant meaning but I figured it might be worth noting.
Day 7
This sub is tiring me out. It's also bringing some anger to the surface. It isn't constant, but it definitely makes itself know if I feel provoked (even when provocation isn't intentional). In spite of that, people don't seem too put off by me, at least not for long. I suppose that's the DRS in action.
Tonight is my ASRB2 break. The break is welcome, although there's definitely a part of me that wants to keep going. I'll abide by the prescribed ASRB2 for now.
Day 9
I feel like OFv2 is pushing me through a wall of sticky goo. I'll eventually bust through, but for now I'm just stretching the goo. I feel motivated, but I feel anxious about doing anything. I'm experiencing an odd push/pull effect that basically cancel each other out in terms of movement. I consider this to be a good sign. Something is being addressed. This sub isn't wasting any time.
(03-14-2021, 09:52 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 9
I feel like OFv2 is pushing me through a wall of sticky goo. I'll eventually bust through, but for now I'm just stretching the goo. I feel motivated, but I feel anxious about doing anything. I'm experiencing an odd push/pull effect that basically cancel each other out in terms of movement. I consider this to be a good sign. Something is being addressed. This sub isn't wasting any time.
Just wait until how you feel after the full 8 month period.