Subliminal Talk

(11-29-2020, 07:42 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Nausea is a pretty good sign that someone somewhere inside you has to face a deep, very intense fear.  It means you're working with your basic and primal fears now.  That's actually good news, even if the process isn't necessarily fun.

@Shannon

The nausea has cleared up but I still have some tiredness. 

I guess my switch to the hybrid format was a good one.

Today I noticed I woke up almost right after my loops stopped. Around 5AM or so. I went back to sleep for several hours and didn’t wake up until almost 10 or so.

My anxiety is worse today. I feel like something bad is going to happen. A strong sense of dread. E4 is apparently digging some crap up I have to deal. Likely some fear standing in the way of the programs goals.

Today is the last day of my cycle. Tomorrow begins my 3 day rest period. During this listening cycle, I have felt a lot of anger and feelings of unworthiness. Mainly over how was I raised and my conflict with my parents. I have always felt like an outsider in my immediate family. I feel like my step siblings have gotten more praise than I have. I live on my own now but listening to E4 has brought back some uncomfortable feelings.

One thing I have done while listening to E4 is that when I get angry, I usually deal with it my running or working out. It's almost like I purge those negative emotions by physical exercise. Very interesting

In a couple weeks, I will have been on E4 for around 3 months. I probably will do another cycle once I finish this in May. I will run the program until E5 comes out or another program. I have to say at times it feels like this program is not doing anything until I realize all of the subtle progress I have made over the past 3 months. Looking forward to see what this program does next year.

Today is the beginning of my 3 day break. Felt somewhat tired today but not as tired as I did a couple weeks ago. I am still wondering if the program is doing anything underneath. I think this is my subconscious trying to get me to stop running the program.

@Shannon

Today I start my new ASRB2 cycle but I realized I took a 4 day break instead of a 3 day break. Will that create a big problem? This is my first time doing that during my E4 run

(12-16-2020, 07:26 PM)THolt Wrote: [ -> ]@Shannon

Today I start my new ASRB2 cycle but I realized I took a 4 day break instead of a 3 day break.  Will that create a big problem? This is my first time doing that during my E4 run

Just do your best to not make that mistake again, and keep going.

I have noticed this cycle that the exhaustion has returned. Last cycle I couldn’t go to sleep. Now I am sleeping a little bit longer than I normally do. Today I slept a long time and I have been fatigued all day.

Memories of past experiences have been popping up. Nothing super traumatic. Just minor insults but left a lasting impact. Also Feel like I am starting to sort through this stuff. I was heavily criticized growing up. If I can get thorough these issues, that would mean more than having a lot of money.

So last night I had a dream where I got sick and vomited. I don't think I have ever had a dream like that before. It was so vivid. Even now when I think about, I feel a little queasy.
Another part of the dream was that I was wanted for a crime and I was close to being caught when I woke up.

I don't know what any of these dreams mean tbh.

I finally feel like I have turned a corner on E4. During this current ASBR 2 cycle, I feel less anxiety. I have been sleeping good. I feel emotionally centered and not a lot of insecurity. I think I have been making progress since I started E4 back in September but I never noticed until I sat down and thought about it.

Can't wait to see what I will be like in May when I finish my first run of this program.

I commend you for using it for the full run. After all, that is how one gets the results.

So the past couple days feelings of not being good enough have surfaced. Overall I feel better than I did when I first started the program back in September. I have a ways more to go. I may end up running E4 another time to get the full impact of the program.

Also today I was insulted by a person I went to school with over the recent events that happened in DC.

Normally I would get mad but today it’s almost like I could care less. I simply brushed it off and kept on going with my day.

This has to be E4 and DRS doing its thing

So today I felt anxious and had moments where I was panicky. The last couple days I have been feeling down. In part because of staying at home all the time due to COVID but also I think the program is doing something.

Today marks 4 months since I have been on E4. It's gone by super fast tbh.

Things I have noticed recently:

- I have become more aware of the emotions I have particularly negative emotions. I have learned to practice mindfulness and to actually be aware of what I am thinking and feeling

- I have had periods where have I felt irritated and angry by seemingly everything. I assume its the program digging something up

-I have had some guilt come up with regards to things I have done in the past

-I feel like my relationships with other people have gotten somewhat better. It's hard to gauge since I haven't really gone out socializing in a year or so.

I am looking forward to the next four months. I more than likely will run E4 for another 8 months even though I am tempted by UMS 2.0