Subliminal Talk

I started listening to this sub two days after it was released. I was really looking forward to this. Before it was released, I said to myself I would run it until December 31 to squeeze every drop of benefit from the sub. I imagined Shannon would recommend us running the sub for three to six months. Then I read the instructions. Shoot! Everyone is a badass until they read the instructions. 

On a serious note, I believe I experienced TID a week before the sub was released. I walked taller and said “Hello” to random people on the street with a  big smile on my face. They all responded positively. I wondered what change had happened for me to experience this new personality. It’s only when I saw TID reports that I credited OF for the change.

I’ve always considered myself an introvert. I still do. But this experience made me realise some aspects of myself which I have always considered as being introversion was just manifestation of fear. 

During my first cycle of listening, I experienced more openness to strangers. This time, they were the ones smiling at me and saying “Hello”. I’ve been in this city for close to three years now, and this NEVER happens to me. I still don’t know what changed in me. I could be projecting a more positive aura, I guess. 

My second cycle of listening after the ASRB break is when hell broke loose. I would wake up with anxiety which would stay with me all day. I pushed myself through it, but it was not easy at all! I don’t know if this is related to the sub, but my urine was always dark yellow, even with constant hydration, which was way more than my normal intake of water. I had no change in my diet, and though it is summer, the weather has been pretty gloomy this past week (It’s England btw - two weeks of summer lol), so I don't think it's the heat of the summer. 

I am on my fifth day of this cycle, and I am feeling much better today. 

I read about dreams in a few journals, but I can’t remember my dreams. Each time I wake up, I just know if I had an exciting dream or a nightmare, but I cannot remember the details at all. To be fair, I did not try hard to. 

There are other events which took place which I attributed to OF. I just can’t remember them at the moment. I will update the journal if/when the memories return. 

I'm glad you kept at it. As you see, it gets better with time.

I'm one day into my third cycle of listening. I could not wait to get back to listening during the ASRB2 break. I would "big-up" myself when indoors but get all nervous when I walked outside. If I could, I would have run away from myself.

When it comes to fight or flight response, it has almost always been flight for me. Back in my country, respect for elders is learned from a young age. This is a good thing as I can see the consequence of the lack of this training in some countries.

However, this was not always implemented correctly. `For example, there was always this subtle message that the elder was always right. So, even when I stood up for myself for what was right, I was punished for challenging elders. It did not matter if I was right or wrong. To them, I was being disrespectful. So, I learned from a young age not to stand up for myself.

Not having younger siblings meant I was an elder to no one. I did not receive the kind of respect I gave to others. 

This past week, I'm becoming more open to the idea that I may have some subconscious negative feelings towards my mother. I was born when she had relationship issues with my Dad. She moved out into her own house, though staying married to Dad. Up until when I left the country, she was always short-tempered with me and would raise her voice when I made the slightest error. Or, she would go off on one of my elder sibling, who would then transfer the anger towards me. I became skilled at walking on eggshells. 

Back in 2014, a friend of mine pointed out I needed to forgive my Mum. That sounded so ridiculous to me at the time because I see my Mum as a hero. She went through hell to make sure her kids were ok. (If you understand West African family politics, especially when in-laws are involved, you will know what I mean). Now, I'm beginning to see what my friend was talking about. I think I'm harbouring suppressed anger towards her and some of my family members. Anger for not giving me the chance to speak up, which created a fear of speaking out. 

In a recent conversation with my Mum, I jokingly mentioned she has gone too soft. She helps with raising my nieces and nephews and they basically have their way with her. She told me she had to be very hard on her kids because she was scared of what would become of us if she died. I think she unintentionally transferred some of those fears to me.

EPRHA 2.0 helped me to overcome self-pity, and the desire to receive pity from others. Before E2, these were some of the strategies I used to avoid confrontations. I think OF is going deeper than that.

Sounds like it's giving you some good realizations. Hope it helps. I can identify with similar but in a different way, in that if I ever disagreed with something my parents were saying I just got yelled at more so I learnt not to.

(07-10-2020, 03:57 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Sounds like it's giving you some good realizations. Hope it helps. I can identify with similar but in a different way, in that if I ever disagreed with something my parents were saying I just got yelled at more so I learnt not to.

Thank you. I'm grateful I'm able to run this sub. Being yelled at was almost an everyday occurrence in my childhood. I just needed to make a tiny mistake and that was the least form of punishment I would get. I did not realise how negatively that affected me until I began my journey of self-improvement. I pray I do better with my kids when I have them.

For years after leaving secondary school, I had recurring dreams of still being in school, dressed in school uniform and usually taking an exam. Each time I woke up, I was thankful for it being a dream, but worried why I kept having them. One of the recent ones was about a month ago.

Yesterday, I had a dream of being back in my secondary school environment. This time, however, I knew I had past that level. I was not wearing the school uniform, but what I wore looked like one. In the dream, I even joked I should stop buying clothes which look like school uniforms. I still don't know why I had those dreams, but I hope this is an end to them.

While most of yesterday had me consumed with a feeling of anxiety, I woke up today with so much anger. For most of the day, I was angry at myself for allowing society to detect to me how I should live or what success should look like.

There is a car dealership not far from me. Each time I walk past, I see a car of about £70k and tell myself I will not drive those cars if I rely on a job for income. And, I would need to do something better than having a job to be able to afford one of them.  When I point this out to friends and co-workers, they say anyone can drive such cars if they have a decent job and a good credit score.

I was thinking about all this today and felt angry and frustrated. Why would someone's first idea on how to purchase a £70k car be his credit score? Do those who paid cash for them have three bollocks or something?

I kicked myself for not taking more risks in my life in regards to starting a business, or just doing anything that could lead me to a path of self-sufficiency. Instead, I listened to people who send letters to their managers demanding a £0.30 increase in their hourly wage. WTF?!!

We're on the same wavelength.

I used to remind my colleagues that our bullying supervisors and manager were probably only earning 50p more an hour than us.

Since running UMS, and now one week into OF I'm looking at businesses around me and again calculating massive incomes in my head. Last week I saw an underexploited cash business with an estimated potential cashflow of 100k per month... now to 'find' the 500k to set it up...

I feel OF is where its at for now.

Keep at it.

Day one of the sixth cycle of listening. I use "Loop Habit Tracker" for Android to track my listening. It is a simple App but very effective. No more doubting what day of listening I'm on. 

I have not noticed major fear-related triggers like I did when I started with the sub. Well, I did notice some changes, but I think I've easily adapted to them for me not to consider the changes a big deal. 

For example, I decided to quit my job at the end of this month. I plan to move to a different city next month. I've already given my landlord a notice of leaving, and my manager is aware of my decision. 

The problem is I know no one where I choose to move to. No job is lined-up for me there. I just feel like I need to move out of the false comfort zone  I am in. I decided to place myself in a situation where I MUST make myself better. 

I got tired of being surrounded by people with little to no ambition. Maybe a new place with a new set of people will show me if my ambitions are realistic, or if I'm just living in cloud cuckoo land. Only time will tell. Job opportunities are at their lowest at the moment in almost all sectors.  Maybe this is an opportunity for me to finally become self-employed. 

Do I feel fear? I am terrified! But screw it. I'm gonna do it anyway. What if I succeed? That will be dope! 

I now feel less exhausted during the day. I guess my body has slowly adapted to the sub. 

I'm less than two months into an eight months journey. Still a relatively long way to go.

I'd say that's impressive progress!

(08-06-2020, 01:45 PM)Lucius Wrote: [ -> ]For example, I decided to quit my job at the end of this month. I plan to move to a different city next month. I've already given my landlord a notice of leaving, and my manager is aware of my decision. 

The problem is I know no one where I choose to move to. No job is lined-up for me there. I just feel like I need to move out of the false comfort zone  I am in. I decided to place myself in a situation where I MUST make myself better. 

Your statement reminded me of this video

(08-06-2020, 03:19 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I'd say that's impressive progress!

It's all thanks to your subs  .

Thank you, @4Kingdoms. Arnold's experience is truly an inspiration for us all. I hope a I get a fraction of his resilience.

I finally moved to a different city as mentioned in my last post. No jobs lined up yet. My challenge now is to focus on chasing one rabbit instead of three. Like in the video above, a plan B could make me lose focus. However, deciding a plan A is easier said than done. I'm prone to skipping from one project to another. I've placed myself in a position to work on that. 

I have stuck to listening to the sub as instructed on the sales page. I experienced some internal changes, some of which I did not record when I noticed them. I guess it's these changes are slowly becoming a normal part of me. 

I notice I now voice my opinions more easily with ladies. Usually, I would say things which I thought they wanted to hear, and not how I felt. For example, this lady friend was excited about a new pair of clothes she wanted to buy. She showed me to get my opinion, and I calmly went "I don't like it". She as surprised and tried to make me change y mind. I still did not like it and told her that. It was not malicious in any way. I felt the same way I would have felt if we were talking about the weather. 

Normally, I would walk on eggshells around the opposite sex trying not to offend them. I am noticing I'm more able to just be myself and just calmly share my thoughts. 

The same goes for my family as well. I calmly let them know I disagree with them when I do. Normally, I'll keep my opinions to myself out of "respect". 

This sub has made me notice I have a fear of working out. I thought I was just not interested in exercising. I am skinny, and I used this as an excuse to not go to the gym. I told myself there is no weight for me to lose. However my energy level is low most of the time, and I know gaining some muscle mass might improve this. 

Recently, each time I think of working out, I feel a strong fear coming over me. Just thinking of lifting weights gets my heart racing. I don't know the cause of this. Being skinny, I've stayed away from trouble most of my life. I know subconsciously I can't physically defend myself, so being "nice" was my defence. My guess is my subconscious thinks gaining muscles will put me in a position where I have to prove my physical strength in a fight - something I have learned all my life to avoid. 

I want to put on some muscle mass. I'm looking forward to OF clearing this fear. 

I don't see anger as something very bad like I used to. Well, it is bad if I let it control me. However, I can channel it to become productive. It's better for me to stay angry all day than to be depressed all day. For example, I lost some money through some silly mistakes. Nothing much tbh. However, that made me work extra harder on the project which has the potential of bringing in an income. 

There is still so much for me to achieve on this sub. Right now, I think I will stick with it for the full eight months.

I appreciate you following the instructions.

And the tool maker doesn't usually get credit for who built the house. But I appreciate your point.

Rollercoaster. Up and downs. Down, and then more downs. 

That's how I would describe these last two weeks. I almost threw in the towel on the sub. If not for the very tangible progress I have made such as quitting my job and moving to a new city, I think I would have concluded the sub is not working. Classic resistance, eh. 

Fortunately, I stayed on it, and I am feeling much better today. The anxiety I felt the last couple of weeks was arguably an all time high. 

I started a new mentorship project (with me being the mentee). I am working from home, and had to prepare a business presentation as one of the tasks in the mentorship. Just the thought of me doing the presentation sent my brain into overdrive. Consciously, I knew I would not be doing the presentation. That did not stop my fear of public speaking almost crippling me. 

Public speaking is one of my worst fears. I do a few each year, and always dreaded it each time the presentation day approached. However, those moments were not as bad as compared to when I was working on this simulated project. 

I tried using caffeine and L theanine as I read the combination can be used as a nootropic to enhance concentration, motivation, and calmness. 

I started with 200mg caffeine tablet and 200mg L theanine. It increased my motivation for the first couple of hours. After that, I just wanted to sleep. Then about 6 hours later, even talking to my housemates made me anxious. 

I later read I needed a 2:1 ratio of caffeine to theanine. So the next day, I did 400mg theanine to 200mg caffeine. Same outcome. The following day, I reduced the dosage to 200mg theanine to 100mg caffeine. Still the same outcome. 

Why was I getting the opposite outcome of what others were getting? I checked out a few Youtube videos and realised I could be sensitive to caffeine. If that is the case then it is an eye-opener. 

I am not a big coffee drinker. I've hardly experienced the caffeine boost others talk about. However, I do drink tea and average 3 cups a day for the last three years. Could my anxiety be linked to the caffeine in the tea? Only time will tell. 

I plan on eliminating all caffeine products for a month and then slowly re-introduce it to see how I feel. 

I did the same with wheat last May. When I reintroduced wheat in my diet, I could tell how I was slowly getting anxious and short-tempered. From my experience, gluten sensitivity is not a myth. I avoid gluten when I can now. I don't think I will quit gluten products completely though. I still have some pasta or bread about once a week. I may reduce the frequency in the future. What's life without pasta, bread and croissants though? 

(09-09-2020, 07:43 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]And the tool maker doesn't usually get credit for who built the house.    But I appreciate your point.

Shannon is doing us a great service   . However, I think it's important to take personal responsibility of every aspect of our health. Subs are a great tool to get us there.

Keep in mind also the chemical state shifting in the subliminals that affects caffeine and other things that may interfere with the subliminals state shifting. That might explain some of it.

What Ben says. Since DMSI 3.1 caffeine and nicotine crashes my state and creates brainfog for me. Since I removed caffeine, im okay. When I do take caffeine, it gives me the opposite effect of a caffeine buzz and acts as a downer.