Cycle 5 - Day 3:
Feeling much better today and feels like I'm back to 100% again. Got a really good night's sleep with the normal amount of sleep. My overall mindset has improved and I'm back to having a clear mind.
The last couple of nights I've been having more dreams of being a lot more open and sociable with friends and even strangers. I'm not the type that recalls overly specific details of my dreams, if I remember anything from my dreams, but I have noticed the social aspect of the dreams the last few nights. This is also outside of the norm for me cause I'm more of an introvert and a quieter person that isn't in the spotlight. That also might be a part of the fear of opening myself up to others or putting myself out there, but maybe that's what is being worked on this last week. Feeling really good about the rest of this cycle.
Cycle 5 - Days 4-6:
Well this cycle really flew by after the migraines went away, and thankfully away they went 100%. Not too much to mention here for these days except that I really feel in the zone and I feel like the anxiety free, stress free lifestyle is starting to become who I am all the time. No issues sleeping, no headaches, just a little tired but I'm sleeping even less and also starting to feel like I need to rely on coffee less than before.
EDIT (Addition): One thing I do feel now that I think about it is that I'm really starting to get bored with my current situation, and really want to seek out more. Since I have the time I need to start focusing on things that'll help improve me as a person and for the future. I need more!
LTU is still going to be tempting me since I pre-ordered it
Interested in seeing how OF works for you
(08-09-2020, 09:02 AM)Bayern Wrote: [ -> ]Cycle 5 - Days 4-6:
Well this cycle really flew by after the migraines went away, and thankfully away they went 100%. Not too much to mention here for these days except that I really feel in the zone and I feel like the anxiety free, stress free lifestyle is starting to become who I am all the time. No issues sleeping, no headaches, just a little tired but I'm sleeping even less and also starting to feel like I need to rely on coffee less than before.
EDIT (Addition): One thing I do feel now that I think about it is that I'm really starting to get bored with my current situation, and really want to seek out more. Since I have the time I need to start focusing on things that'll help improve me as a person and for the future. I need more!
LTU is still going to be tempting me since I pre-ordered it
If you're making progress like this, I suggest you keep using OF. This is really good progress. Remember that FRM 4.9 will not be aimed at "all fears". Just those that need to be removed to accomplish the goals of LTU6.
(08-10-2020, 08:52 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (08-09-2020, 09:02 AM)Bayern Wrote: [ -> ]Cycle 5 - Days 4-6:
Well this cycle really flew by after the migraines went away, and thankfully away they went 100%. Not too much to mention here for these days except that I really feel in the zone and I feel like the anxiety free, stress free lifestyle is starting to become who I am all the time. No issues sleeping, no headaches, just a little tired but I'm sleeping even less and also starting to feel like I need to rely on coffee less than before.
EDIT (Addition): One thing I do feel now that I think about it is that I'm really starting to get bored with my current situation, and really want to seek out more. Since I have the time I need to start focusing on things that'll help improve me as a person and for the future. I need more!
LTU is still going to be tempting me since I pre-ordered it
If you're making progress like this, I suggest you keep using OF. This is really good progress. Remember that FRM 4.9 will not be aimed at "all fears". Just those that need to be removed to accomplish the goals of LTU6.
You're right, especially if I am making progress. I guess I still get a little impulsive when it comes to seeing changes and wanting to immediately move on to the next big thing rather than build upon what's being built.
Cycle 6 - Day 1:
Last night I didn't sleep the best, but even with that I'm not tired at all. One thing that I hate to write about and admit is about the lingering mental and physical effects of years and years of PMO. But one thing I can say for certain, for probably the first time ever in my life, is that I'm confident I'll fully recover and am over that. It's been weeks since I've done it and don't want to do it ever again. There are times where it feels like my body is being set back during the recovery from this, but it'll happen.
All day I've just felt overcome with this relaxed feeling, like I have no problems to worry about and soon everything will work out. Even though I've been furloughed from work for 4 months now with no end in sight to my furlough, I know in the end it'll work out and I'll be ok. In the past I would've been in full blown panic mode by now.
Well last night was supposed to be Day 5 of Cycle 6, but I just got so distracted and tired I never even started my loops. So tonight will be Day 5 and tomorrow Day 6 and will then take another two days off to make up for it.
So far during this cycle there was one day where just about every negative emotion just hit me out of nowhere and lasted for about 2-3 hours. I'm talking anger, sadness, depression all at once and I was in such a bad place mentally when that hit I couldn't take it. Thankfully it went away after a few hours and then sleeping that night also helped. Other than that nothing else major to report for this cycle.
So last night I finished up Cycle 6, and right now I just have this feeling like the positive results I had through the first 5 cycles are reverting back to nothing. I'm sure that's just resistance to the sub, but I've literally fallen off the wagon in certain areas. But like Shannon has mentioned it'll take time for bad habits to go away permanently. So I'll take these 2 nights off and then move on the the next cycle and hope everything gets better and continues to improve.
Mood has improved at least from a few days ago. Although I've just been really tired lately, which is my fault staying up way too late to watch things on tv.
Moving on.
Convincing you that you're not making progress is a great way to try to get you to quit, isn't it?
Sure is and it comes up with some tricky ways of doing it. Thankfully I've been able to recognize that and not give in, which is something I would have done in the past pretty quickly to be honest.
So I'm reviving this journal after 11 days. I did one cycle of LTU, and during that cycle and the off days it seemed like my subconscious was yelling at me telling me that wasn't the right program for me and I shouldn't be using it.
After doing the unadvised thing and not continuing with OF like I apparently should have, last night I returned to using OF and am committing 100% to finishing out the rest of the run of OF. Shannon definitely knows what's best and what people should be running from what he reads, and I should've listened. But now we continue forward.
One thing I missed about OF is that I slept so much better when I was running OF compared to the few days that I was on LTU. It was nice to get back to that last night and was able to sleep better.
Start over with your run of OF.
Been having an up and down week. No real tiredness, but the negative emotions come and go throughout the day. Today it was mainly anger and a lot of neediness popped up out of nowhere. It went away after about an hour, but it's still noticeable.
Going back to work recently also has brought up bouts of anxiety which makes me realize sticking with OF is going to be the right move for me long term. One thing I do love about this sub though is it makes it pretty noticeable (at least for me) what's going on and what I can feel is being worked on.
So i don't even know where I'm at in terms of cycles anymore. I'm currently on day 3 of my current cycle, and there's been good progress on this sub, but also some things that are going on that reiterate the need for me to run this sub for a long time. So right now I'm committing to running OF until the middle of 2021.
I've been back at work for weeks now, and one thing that still gets in my head is when I have to lead a presentation or phone conversations, especially if my boss is on the call or other upper management is included in the discussion. I get really anxious and either stutter a little bit or just rush through what I need to say. I'm comfortable talking with everyone in a one on one setting, but I'm still getting nervous at times. My confidence as a whole though is way up, however which I'm really happy with. One other thing that I'm happy with is that I feel like my internal dialogue has decreased quite a bit and I don't second guess conversations as much.
On the flip side, I have been procrastinating a ton since I've been back at work. I'm still getting my work done, but most of the time I'm putting things off and forcing myself to rush through the work at another time. Sleep has also been much better, and I feel like I've been remembering dreams a lot more when I first wake up.
Still really happy that I'm running this sub, even though there's a long way to go.