Subliminal Talk

Four nights into LTU 5 now (one macro cycle?). I have set my diary up to remind me when to run/not run it. I have set up two playlists; one for US (which I will run most of the time) and one for Hybrid.

Given how general LTU is, I thought that it might be worth looking at all the areas that it covers that I would like to improve in my life. Generally speaking, at the moment I am in a good place. I'm happy, healthy, progressing with my career (ish) and experiencing life.


Universal Detox
Very little for me here specifically from the list, other than perhaps recovering from workouts faster.

I am not sure if this module covers this, but I would like to work on my 'faulty thinking'. A colleague posted a list of behaviours, 'compensatory strategies' that people engage in. Here are the ones that apply to me sometimes:

- Avoid situations/experiences that give rise to painful, negative emotions.
- Strive to be perfect at all times and in all situations.
- Seek recognition and sometimes notoriety.
- Avoid all confrontation.
- Seek “love” and intimacy from any source and at any cost.
- Please only yourself, be highly independent, non-conforming and distant in relationships.

Luckily only a small part of the list hit home, but there's definitely some stuff to work on. I do seek attention, I don't get close to people (even though I am empathic), I strongly dislike confrontation and rarely speak my mind or stand up for myself.

Does this cover masturbation? I had hoped that DMSI would solve that, but it didn't. It's clearly compulsive behaviour on my part. I don't mind it particularly, but I waste a lot of time with it, and definitely have shame issues there.

My house is a shithole. I am an untidy person at the best of times, which people are very surprised at, because I am well organised. However, I will happily live in less than clean/minimal circumstances. Tidying and cleaning do not even enter my thinking, other than in the kitchen. Definitely some issues here that need to be addressed. 

Ultra Success/Luck Maximizer
I have always been a 'lucky' person, so anything that maximises that has great potential. I am quite convinced of my psychic potential to influence things around me, but have never been able to harness it properly.

I was pretty lucky to buy LTU before the price went up massively, especially since Shannon said it was going up days before I bought it. It's odd, since I had no intention of buying it, but things worked out well for me.

Success is a different matter. I have tried and failed at various business/app ideas in the past, largely due to my own unwillingness to actually follow through on them. I have had a single big success a long time ago, and ongoing success with my PT business. I could do with some small successes to build my confidence up. I have three great business ideas that I have been thinking about, so I'd love the motivation to get those up and running.

Ultra Motivation/Overcoming Procrastination
The last time I ran this, it had exactly the opposite effect; I became highly demotivated and had to slog my way out of it. I'm hoping that I'm in a better place now. I feel pretty motivated already to get my various projects off the ground. 

My life coaching diploma is progressing at a good pace, so I'd like to get that finished asap and start seeing clients.

I have a huge amount of DIY to do in the house, none of which is getting done. Motivation for this would be brilliant.

I'd also like to be more motivated with my hobbies as well. 

Emotional Healing & Pain Relief Aid

I don't feel like I have any major emotional issues, but who knows!?

Self Esteem
My self esteem is pretty good. However, I would definitely like to be more assertive and stand up for myself. For example, I feel a strong resistance to chasing clients for payment when they have been slack. Why do I not value myself enough?

Assertiveness in my relationship would be good to. I have been avoiding saying what I think for 20 years to avoid arguments/hurting my gf. It's not healthy and I want to get better at constructively engaging with her.

Disconnect From Negative Stress
I don't have a huge amount of stress in my life, by design. I resigned from my management role in order to reduce stress and it has worked. 

Genuine Gratitude & Appreciation
I tend to try to buy happiness. For example, I have backed a bunch of kickstarters, enjoying the process of watching them... but then not even used them when they arrive. Some are still in the box, unopened.

Happiness & Joy
I am a happy person, but for the past couple of nights, I have been enjoying myself even more. I am remembering just how playful and joyful I used to be. I love being silly, but I've become a little more serious with age. This might be the sub working already, perhaps, but this is a major thing for me. I want to have fun wherever I am.

Let Go Of The Past
I am struggling to think of things that I haven't let go of. I tend to live very much in the present and don't hang on to guilt, shame or anger. 

Having said that, we all bring issues out of childhood. Not being one of the popular kids sits with me - I still feel left out at work when colleagues go out without me. 

I probably have a food anxiety from somewhere in the past that I haven't worked out yet. I tend to gorge to being over full in the evenings, for no real reason. I also have food related travel anxiety; I need to have access to food at all times when travelling.

Anger Management
Anger doesn't really feature in my life.

Overcome Guilt and Shame
I probably don't have enough guilt in my life, because life's too short. 

Shame (the feeling of being a lesser person, unworthy or 'wrong' is how I look at it) again doesn't appear much. I generally think of myself of better at most things than most people. 

Having said that, I still have doubts about whether people genuinely like me - like they are just going through the motions a bit, or I'm simply convenient. This is what attracts me to coaching; people share their lives in an intimate way and I get to spend time being important to someone.  However, there is also a hollowness to it because it highlights that people don't necessarily want to be around me just for me.

So I would very much like to work on my social life too. I have some nice friends, go out a lot, but I don't feel entirely connected to them. People often describe me as 'closed off' or 'hard to read'. I would very much like to develop my charisma and genuine connection with others.

Overcome The Victim Mentality
Not a lot for me here. 

I’ve had a little bit of mental fog and tiredness for the last couple of days. Might be sub related, or simply not quite enough sleep. No sub last night, or tonight.

I managed to stop eating before I got to bloat point last night. I still ate more than I needed though, but it was an improvement and I didn’t feel ‘unsafe’.

I still have a compulsion to eat all the time - I am exaggerating, but it’s almost as if I feel like I will lose all my strength if I don’t eat something every couple of hours. I am getting through 3 to 4 protein bars per day, plus fruit, yoghurts and dark chocolate, on top of my meals.

Went on date night last night with my gf, but we ended up having a frank discussion about an issue that has been looming in the background for a few months. For the first time, I took the opportunity to say how it was making me feel, which upset her, but wasn’t the end of the world. If felt good to express myself, and she’ll deal with it. It was very constructive, although there isn’t actually a resolution that I can see, so it’s a disagreement that might sit between us for a long time even though we both understand the other’s perspective and are being as careful as possible not to hurt each other.

I’m feeling tired again today. Had a headache in the afternoon for the last two days. I definitely need more sleep. I could also do with a hug, and I’m feeling a bit needy! Turning into a girl. Lol.

I am in the process of devising a full lifestyle improvement plan to assist with the sub, and hopefully I will start implementing more of that soon. I want to be as active with this as possible.

Had an epic scale dream last night. I had travelled to another planet as part of a new life style project. Everything was a lot more organised and clinical there, which seemed a bit unfamiliar. I slightly regretted not spending more time saying goodbye to the people from my old life, but was committed to the new world and there was no going back.

On another note, it's been 36 hours since that awkward conversation with my gf and she's still crying. We've talked about it twice more and I thought that we had pretty much resolved it. But, she's crying again this morning before work. FFS. This is why I never used to say anything. However, I am committed to constructively asserting myself. If she can't cope, then that will be that.

Care to expand on the issue?

Not that interesting really, Greenstick, so I won't go in it

I've been getting headaches in the afternoons, which is new to me. I very rarely get a headache.

I'm also tired, even after a full night's sleep and a nap. That's also new. My dreams seem a little more vivid at the moment. I didn't get any of this on DMSi, so I regard it as a hopeful sign

(04-05-2019, 11:13 PM)swisston Wrote: [ -> ]Had an epic scale dream last night. I had travelled to another planet as part of a new life style  project. Everything was a lot more organised and clinical there, which seemed a bit unfamiliar. I slightly regretted not spending more time saying goodbye to the people from my old life, but was committed to the new world and there was no going back.

On another note, it's been 36 hours since that awkward conversation with my gf and she's still crying. We've talked about it twice more and I thought that we had pretty much resolved it. But, she's crying again this morning before work. FFS. This is why I never used to say anything. However, I am committed to constructively asserting myself. If she can't cope, then that will be that.

Honestly, those are probably some really good signs of things improving. The dream is pretty obvious but the way your not kowtowing to your girlfriend when she puts on the water works is probably a good sign as well. Changing subs might have been the best thing for you since I remember on DMSI you still seemed to be afraid of how your decisions might affect her whereas now your more concerned with constructively asserting yourself and building yourself up. Hope you get more results as you continue using the sub.

(04-07-2019, 05:44 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: [ -> ]Honestly, those are probably some really good signs of things improving. The dream is pretty obvious but the way your not kowtowing to your girlfriend when she puts on the water works is probably a good sign as well. Changing subs might have been the best thing for you since I remember on DMSI you still seemed to be afraid of how your decisions might affect her whereas now your more concerned with constructively asserting yourself and building yourself up. Hope you get more results as you continue using the sub.

Yeah, I agree. I was getting nowhere in DMSI.

I have bought a lottery ticket in anticipation of an impending uptick in my luck.Haha ;D

Sounds like definate progress compared to DMSI with you being assertive with your gf. Cool.

Terrible night's sleep last night (no sub).

I'm getting lots of clients signing up at the moment, which is great for business, but not great for my sanity! My work/life balance needs some serious focus on the long term. 

I'm working a minimum of 12 hours per day, plus Saturday mornings.  I don't mind some hard work, and it's rewarding, but I'm determined to achieve more in less time.

Plus you can't make money selling your time at this pay rate. It's close to subsistence levels.

How does the pay structure work? If you were that busy where I live, you'd be making 6 figures, easy.

(04-10-2019, 06:37 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]How does the pay structure work? If you were that busy where I live, you'd be making 6 figures, easy.

Lol, I wish. It's capped at £17:50 per hour for PT and £8 for gym floor hours (minimum wage). Plus classes, and I am doing a coaching diploma and seeing a couple of coaching clients.

Quick update. I'm sticking to the four nights on, two off, five loops US.

I've made a few minor changes in my life to improve my sleep.

I can feel myself disconnecting with my workplace; it's definitely a source of stress that I don't want in my life in the long term. I still need it in the short term though.

I've been actively expanding my social circle. Not a huge amount of progress yet, but that will come. I want to pick new friends carefully.

My exercise is going very well - I haven't quite got control of my eating yet, but I am borderline over exercising at the moment and seeing some changes in my body.

The biggest change though (and one that DMSI never tackled), is that I have lost a lot of interest in porn. I don't think that my libido has dropped, and I still fap a bit, but without any real enthusiasm

My next targets to work on are motivation for my various ongoing projects to get them finished and to practice being more assertive, both at work and at home.

It's been another month sticking to the plan, but I don't see any real changes in my life. Motivation is low. Not really enjoying work as much as I used to. Lots of plans to change things... but can't find the energy to do them.

Porn interest is back.

Sounds a bit moany, but generally I'm OK. Not experiencing any great results from the sub though.