So I decided to cave and buy LTU as I've come to the conclusion that DMSI isn't doing anything for me right now.
DMSI is very very good and I would recommend it definitely it's just, I've discovered I don't quite feel I'm in the right place to use it effectively. It's like trying to put a flimsy engine inside a Ferrari and hoping that'll work but the engine needs to upgrade alongside the car. The engine is my mind. It's been all over the place for far too long and I believe LTU is the all star, homerun hitting product I need right now.
So I've ventured forth and bought it on Sunday.
2 days in thus far..
Day 2
Sleepy and tired are the words I would use to describe my immediate response to things. I find my sleeps longer and always feel like the hours I get are not enough. On the plus side I'm feeling better right away. I feel good and I think E3 is hitting hard. I also feel more wanting to immediately leave my current job (which I've achieved everything in my department right now there's no way further to develop at this moment in time) and do something fun and exciting. I've not felt this surge in motivation for a long long time. I hope it stays.
I'll add more but right now I'm out the door to work.
Carpe Diem !
Two Thumbs Up There Fella!! Carpe Diem is right!! Keep Up the rock n' roll !!
I might just cave in and get ltu v as well
Wow the son of Krypton himself is in my thread, awesome!
Anyways so day 3 of LTU. I am feeling very low and down during the end of the day. I also get quite tired which is a result of the subs as I never get as tired usually. I go to bed feeling some strong emotions and they're usually gone come morning. I don't know why but they all come out before bed and I even got depressed 2 nights ago...not good.
I think the sub is obviously going to bring a lot of things up to the surface and I've felt like beating myself up about things in the past and recent. I suppose I should expect things like that. E3 must be very powerful if so. Things I've thought about that were locked away in my head for years.
Still curious to see how the love life module will work. Will it affect people who are single? Will it manifest girls in my life like an ayp?
My rapport with colleagues at work is getting way better. I'm no longer feeling an ailing sense of dread when I'm around them or anxiety. I can just sit down, speak my mind and get on with things. I'm also taking more ownership for things I do as well.
So far so good. I'm excited to see where this will take me.
Quote:My rapport with colleagues at work is getting way better. I'm no longer feeling an ailing sense of dread when I'm around them or anxiety. I can just sit down, speak my mind and get on with things. I'm also taking more ownership for things I do as well.
Even with the emotions getting stirred up, which is a sign of things being worked on... this is a good result for just a few days.
Going from feeling dread and anxiety to comfortable with your collegues is a great step.
LTU seems to really bring you crashing back down to earth with a heavy thud.
I'm analysing what I'm even any good at anymore and coming back with nothing. It seems my ego has been protecting itself for years and constantly overestimating it's abilities and what I can truly do.
I suppose this is for the best as a healthy ego is a lot better than a disillusioned one.
I'm wondering if I should even care what I'm good at anymore? Like that portion of my life is over. Maybe looking to make the most adequate amount of money in my life time is more important right now. Or just enjoying myself and dropping this mental rubix cube I keep trying to solve.
LTU still has some work to do but so far since the weekend I feel life is slowly beginning to dissolve around me and show me what I really am. Once again this is a portion of the day where I begin to get hit by emotion and self reflection. I'll most likely wake up tomorrow and forget about this feeling. So I thought I'd document it all here so I can read back when I need.
Feeling better this morning, still tired but my emotions are better.
Today will be the first start of my two days off.
Going to set one goal and stick to it. With the new love life module (still unknown what it exactly entails) I aim to make getting a new girlfriend. I think I'm ready to get back into trying a proper relationship with someone who could be good for me and not a waste of time like in my past.
Have to see what that module can do.
My on and off sneezing is apparently due to the effects of LTU because I sense no infection and anything from my nose is crystal clear so I think that'll soon pass sure enough.
Some things I've noticed is that my mind is better focused. Almost like an upgrade in intelligence even though I doubt that's it, maybe perhaps a less cloudy mind. It feels like that anyway or maybe my mind is just being cleaned thanks to all the garbage thoughts and emotions being routed out. I'm remembering things better and ideas and concepts are beginning to just click for me for example at work last night I was scouring the net in my final hour (I work on the phones and since hardly anyone calls and with no other work to do I just spend it on the net)
I found a photography blog and began pointing out mistakes or just general criticism of the guys work, citing that pictures should tell a story and not just there to look pretty.
I never found myself interested in anything like that so I think something is changing inside my brain. Maybe E3's physical healing can fix cerebral issues such as ADD or something? I feel good up there lately.
My barber said hello to me like he always does but this time he said "is that your bird over there LM" and pointed to a girl who was crossing the road away from the shop. Not sure if that is LTU related or bloom from DMSI.
Some lucky things happening here or there but not really noticeable unless I think hard about the situation. I'm getting more luck in the way of timing of things more than anything. Like things working out for me just in then nick of time sort of thing.
Sometimes I still get a backwash of negative emotion and doubt. A lot of self criticism still remains. I think that will pass soon enough.
Two days break and I feel replenished so happy to move onto the 2nd cycle.
On a quick note
I'm finding myself consuming more water now. I feel cleaner drinking it over other things.
I also opted to eat less junk food around the house. I'll only be reserving junk for when I'm out with friends or when needed.
Not sure if it's just me but today has seen reversal of luck.
Just had small things go wrong and obviously they begin to build up and you notice them.
Hope this will pass as my next two days off are tonight and tomorrow. I am not wanting to experience any reversal of luck on this.
Edit: Incidentally my mood is also not the best today, lot of residual anger under the surface coming out at times. I'm wondering if this is just the last of resistance on the anti-anger module and I'll start to calm down. Might hit the hay earlier tonight just so I can sleep it off quicker.
Looks like the bad luck has gone and I'm back to enjoying the happy emotions again.
I went out to dinner with some friends earlier and when I went into the place, I was getting looks and head turns from people. Not sure if its bloom from DMSI or just general good vibes from LTU. Either way I felt good.
I am also checking myself out in the mirror more. Gotta love vanity sometimes,
Things don't feel like they are in retrograde anymore. Things have been slowly returning to normal however there is a lack of good luck on my side still. My sneezing has ceased for now but I am producing a lot of backed up phlegm now.
I'm cutting down on the sugar and reduced my junk food intake by around 20/30%. Combined with the reduction in sugared drinks I'm seeing a noticeable effect on my belly fat. I used to carry around quite a shapely spare tire but now it's on the way to slowly disappearing if I can keep things up.
For the first time since beginning such a life changing sub I'm finding myself admitting something I always used to deny. I feel more lonely than ever before. I used to convince myself I'm happy with a single life (and to a degree I still am it's just)
I quite like the idea of finding a girl to start sharing my life with. Open up to someone and just start having a relationship with someone. My strategies have always involved seeking ONS or hook ups. I've rejected a few women in my time that were wanting a relationship in the past. Not sure if I regret those as they really were not my type but I think one of them fell for me hard. I'd hate for that to be the only time in my life I ever get to see that again lol it'd end up being quite sad actually.
I feel bummed out just thinking that tbh. An attractive, honest, fun and down to earth girl would suit me well right now. I haven't got the slightest on where to start with that.
In terms of emotions I still get some heavy and strong ones from time to time. I suffer a lot from having a withdrawn personality who focuses on letting emotions out on the inside rather than letting them out externally (if that even makes sense)
I am confident this sub will fix these issues but for now, it's nice for me to experience this. It's a surreal feeling and suffice to say I'm actually enjoying the ride.
More to come later this week.
Had a mad wave of anger and aggression last night. Mainly at the situation of my life direction. I was never one of those people who knew what they wanted to do in life from an early age. My interest bounced around too much.
I woke up calmer today and the days off are helping to soften things.
Nothing with the love life module yet. Not exactly sure what that's going to do.
I am continuing to cut down on sugar and junk. I'm checking myself out in the mirror and I'm definitely losing some weight. Hopefully that can continue for the wedding I'm attending in a month or so.
Finding me less and less needing approval of others and more acting through myself
I still have thoughts reaching back to the past and trying to hold me back but I'm sure i'll cut through it during my next cycle.
I'm also switching to silent US to see if that makes a better difference.