01-29-2022, 03:35 PM
Days 40–46
The last cycle was three loops of hybrid. I just started another cycle and am doing four loops.
Whatever was going on with online dating likes has quieted down and stopped.
I had an intro session with a psychiatrist a few days ago with the intention of trying TMS, a procedure that uses magnetic fields to try to wake up my brain and get it to feel better. Neither of us has any idea if it’s going to work, but as long as it’s not “that’s definitely not going to work” I’ll be going forward with it. I don’t know if listening to these subs at the same time is contraindicated; if so I’ll put the subs on hold.
Even though we’re proceeding with TMS, the psychiatrist and I talked for an hour, though their advice didn’t end up being hopeful. Medications tend to not work for childhood trauma-based symptoms. The psychiatrist shared some things that their patients in similar situations are doing that are not ideal but that they do “until something better becomes available” though the psychiatrist couldn’t say specifically what better treatment the patients were waiting for. The psychiatrist tossed out a few possibilities for treatments, all various flavors of being too terrifying to try.
I don’t know if these subs aren’t working because I’m screwing things up in some way, or if it’s that these subs can’t work for me because they assume some specific functionality deep in the psyche is working but for me it isn’t. In any case, I’m not feeling any blame or anything. I know my emotional system is broken in a way that causes most stuff to not work for me. I’m just feeling tired and burned out.
The current plan is to do the TMS over the next few weeks and see how it goes. Perhaps if I feel better the subs will start having an effect. We’ll see.
The last cycle was three loops of hybrid. I just started another cycle and am doing four loops.
Whatever was going on with online dating likes has quieted down and stopped.
I had an intro session with a psychiatrist a few days ago with the intention of trying TMS, a procedure that uses magnetic fields to try to wake up my brain and get it to feel better. Neither of us has any idea if it’s going to work, but as long as it’s not “that’s definitely not going to work” I’ll be going forward with it. I don’t know if listening to these subs at the same time is contraindicated; if so I’ll put the subs on hold.
Even though we’re proceeding with TMS, the psychiatrist and I talked for an hour, though their advice didn’t end up being hopeful. Medications tend to not work for childhood trauma-based symptoms. The psychiatrist shared some things that their patients in similar situations are doing that are not ideal but that they do “until something better becomes available” though the psychiatrist couldn’t say specifically what better treatment the patients were waiting for. The psychiatrist tossed out a few possibilities for treatments, all various flavors of being too terrifying to try.
I don’t know if these subs aren’t working because I’m screwing things up in some way, or if it’s that these subs can’t work for me because they assume some specific functionality deep in the psyche is working but for me it isn’t. In any case, I’m not feeling any blame or anything. I know my emotional system is broken in a way that causes most stuff to not work for me. I’m just feeling tired and burned out.
The current plan is to do the TMS over the next few weeks and see how it goes. Perhaps if I feel better the subs will start having an effect. We’ll see.
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
