whome: Aura of Love

[whome]

Day 16

Checking in. Still listening to a loop a day, varying around the day when I have two hours free.

No signs of it kicking in yet; still waking up exhausted in the self-hatred pain.

[UniversalMan]

Day 16

Checking in. Still listening to a loop a day, varying around the day when I have two hours free.

No signs of it kicking in yet; still waking up exhausted in the self-hatred pain.

I am just very very exhausted, and feel somehow emotionally numb. (17 days in)

[Shannon]

Perhaps take a break and see what happens, UM?

[UniversalMan]

Perhaps take a break and see what happens, UM?

That was my thought also @Shannon, but than decided to swich from hybrid to ultrasonic...so if it is grinding something to not stop the proces.

[whome]

Day 20

Still on schedule. Right now I’m still feeling the exhaustion and emotional pain when I wake up, and there’s no sign of any auras yet.

[UniversalMan]

Perhaps take a break and see what happens, UM?

That was my thought also @Shannon, but than decided to swich from hybrid to ultrasonic...so if it is grinding something to not stop the proces.

after the night on ultrasonic, I just paused a day.
Feel a bit better now,less tired, this evening will start again but ultrasonic.

Sorry @whome for "hijacking" your post.

[whome]

Sorry @whome for "hijacking" your post.

You should start your own journal, to allow yourself to stay focused and get feedback.

[UniversalMan]

Sorry @whome for "hijacking" your post.

You should start your own journal, to allow yourself to stay focused and get feedback.

You are right,sorry once again.

[whome]

Day 24

Still listening to the sub daily. No results to report. Still waking exhausted, still feeling the self-hatred pain, sometimes overwhelmed by it.

I literally don’t know what to say here in these entries.

I feel like I’m a house where a tank of acid burst in the basement and ate away the foundation. I look normal from the outside, but my core, my sense of self, is nonexistent. It’s a hole. This is where I’m supposed to be able to connect to my higher self, or the universe, or something, and nothing’s there but infinite pain.

I was hoping that doing something like AoL would get some feeling of love and solidity there, but it’s not. I’m continuing to listen to it, hoping that it starts taking effect, but it doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything. The reason I came back to subs was during the OF3 preorder frenzy, which looked interesting, but then I looked at AoL and it seemed more appropriate. Maybe I should have gone with my instinct for OF3.

I’m going to stop talking now. This feels like inappropriate trauma dumping. I do have a shrink, and I’ve shared all of this and more with him. We don’t really have a plan about what do to yet. We’re still looking.

[Giacomonos]

Hey man, keep going! I'm sure that in the long-term it will workout. I found a documentary regarding Stanislav Grof on YouTube that summarises his life and his work, I think that you can start studying his work from there!

https://youtu.be/3o9RKfvih9o

I really hope that this informations will resonate with you, but I'm sure it will. Let me know!

[whome]

Day 26

Still listening. There is still a lot of self-hatred pain. It’s overwhelming in the mornings and distracting in the evenings. It seems like it’s only getting worse.

Hey man, keep going! I'm sure that in the long-term it will workout.

You are far more optimistic than I am. I have a long history of subs not doing anything other than making me super exhausted, so while I appreciate your cheer, I cannot join you in it. If I’m going to spend the time listening to a sub with the hope that it’ll be able to start unwinding the existential pain in my body, I’m wondering if I should have just gone with my initial instincts when I saw the impending release of OF3 and just drop AoL for OF3.

[Shannon]

Day 26

Still listening. There is still a lot of self-hatred pain. It’s overwhelming in the mornings and distracting in the evenings. It seems like it’s only getting worse.

Hey man, keep going! I'm sure that in the long-term it will workout.

You are far more optimistic than I am. I have a long history of subs not doing anything other than making me super exhausted, so while I appreciate your cheer, I cannot join you in it. If I’m going to spend the time listening to a sub with the hope that it’ll be able to start unwinding the existential pain in my body, I’m wondering if I should have just gone with my initial instincts when I saw the impending release of OF3 and just drop AoL for OF3.

There's only one sub in existence more powerful than AOL right now. At this point the only thing I can think of to try to break through is having enough power. So if you think OFv3 is something you want to try, go for it.

[whome]

There's only one sub in existence more powerful than AOL right now. At this point the only thing I can think of to try to break through is having enough power. So if you think OFv3 is something you want to try, go for it.

I think I will. Re power, you have a note on the description to avoid hybrid for now for fear that it’s too powerful. Would that even hold for me? Would it be a good idea to use it to go full blast, or even for me would you recommend starting with just masked to see how it goes?

[Shannon]

There's only one sub in existence more powerful than AOL right now. At this point the only thing I can think of to try to break through is having enough power. So if you think OFv3 is something you want to try, go for it.

I think I will. Re power, you have a note on the description to avoid hybrid for now for fear that it’s too powerful. Would that even hold for me? Would it be a good idea to use it to go full blast, or even for me would you recommend starting with just masked to see how it goes?

That note exists because it is not just unknown what it will do yet, but because this new gen fully powered is literally orders of magnitude more powerful than anything before it, and because doubling that may be overload power-wise, data input-wise, decoding-wise and so forth.  

It's not just about power, it's... can you even decode what's being said?  Is it too complex for that?  And if you can, is it going to tax your brain so much that it just shuts you down instead of allowing you to function?  Those are my primary concerns.

As to the power overload, it's a bell curve.  Not enough power produces inferior results, just as too much does.  You don't want maximum power, you want optimum power.  Start off with masked or ultrasonic, and follow the directions.  I suggest ultrasonic is a good choice.  Don't just assume that because you've managed to fight everything so far that you have the magical ability to input, decode, process and execute the hybrid format.  We need to understand the masked and ultrasonic formats first.  Then you can try hybrid if you like.  Overshooting the mark misses just as surely as aiming too low does.