mat422 alpha journal

[Patti]

Got a mini revelation today lol. You know it's hard to pinpoint solidly how the subs make me feel at times but I know it's these breakthroughs that I understand on a deep emotional and intellectual level that let me know I'm evolving as a person.

Anyway I was always worried about finding my ideal career, like I only had one chance to do it. I'm going to college now and majoring in computer forensics, I honestly don't know if it's something that I'm 100 percent into, but I'm giving it a shot. I have to go through all these preliminary courses before I even start to actually apply what I'm learning. For all I know I might be walking right into a dead end. In the past that used to frighten me because all my certainty was taken away and I was left with fear of the unknown. But now it's ok. I'm seeing that life takes a lot of twists and turns and you can't expect everything to go as planned. It's better to venture forth into unknown territory than stay in the same place because of fear.

Fear is something that is ridiculous when I think about it. I'll never settle for less than I deserve because of fear. People are afraid to leave jobs, afraid to change, afraid to stand up for themselves, and it really holds them back. I'm not fearless, but I feel like I'm slowly internalizing it. I don't know about finding a purpose in life, but I'm determined to find a job that makes me happy for the rest of my life and something that I enjoy. I'm willing to keep trying until I find something that resonates with me. I won't let fear make me settle because I consider settling a fate worse than death.

Computer forensics sounds like an awesome career choice. I love all those types of tv shows. It is a pain that you really don't get to your actual major until junior year. But remember no education is a waste, it may not lead you where you're thinking right now but anything you learn is a good thing. My daughter changed her major 4 times and even though it slowed her degree down, I'd never want her to do something for any length of time she didn't like. It will all come together for you, cause it sounds like you know what you don't want.