alpha 4

[Frosted]

How did stress relief ruin your AM6 run?

[ffaux]

How did stress relief ruin your AM6 run?

It didn't "ruin" my third run. I was still processing Stress Relief for months after finishing (probably because I overexposed myself so severely with high volume and high listening hours) and it interfered with AM and didn't let it have its normal effect which I'm experiencing now and experienced in my second run.

On that note: I now listen 8 hours per day and I have lowered my listening volume significantly (from about -30dB at source to -60dB at source) and I seem to be responding with less resistance.

[ffaux]

Sex is no longer a goal.

[ffaux]

I have a tendency to become extremely and excessively routine oriented during AM6 because it's more time efficient and reduces cognitive load.

I'm highly impatient.

I'm overwhelmed by the amount of uncertainty in my life. I think this is driven by uncertainty around how to make sense of the beliefs that are coming from AM but it's also showing up in feeling uncertain about my business and my diet. I'm really uncomfortable with uncertainty—it could be useful if AM makes me more comfortable with uncertainty in a future version.

[ffaux]

I have moments of feeling extremely mindful and present every day. Usually around eating time. It's very pleasant.

[kingcobra]

I looked through that list and this looks mostly like self esteem issues, you might want to focus on that a bit more as well. There should be no real self validation going on with any of this stuff, that has to come from within, and until it does, these problems will remain.

I see what you're saying. What do you suggest?

When our buckets are empty, we have to fill it up with something so we leave it on our doorstep to collect what water may come, which will be of various quantities and qualities but it never amounts to much other than some pretty muddy water.

The more water collecting matters to you, and the greater the need to collect it, the worse off you will be. You need to find yourself first, and then and only then will these other tempting things come to you.

Now when someone has significant needs like that shopping list indicates, there is usually a number of things that one needs to work on, but the work has to be internally focused not externally. There are several programs that may help, the best way to approach this is perhaps to have one look upon what is available and use one's intuition, but there are a few choices that we could probably say would help, the self esteem one obviously, life tune up, love and appreciate yourself, forgive yourself, happiness and joy, deep gratitude, emotional pain relief, a few others perhaps along the same lines of looking to ground oneself and love oneself more.

This may take some real time but things worthwhile often do. Once one deepens one's self love enough then and only then should you look to focus on others loving you more, so to speak. You have to make yourself more worthy first and I don't think that this is a step you can ever skip, and as they say, if you build it they will come

[ffaux]

Stage 2

[ffaux]

Had a dream about my ex last night. Think I'm finally starting to get over it.

[ffaux]

I'm still driven by feelings of loneliness. Whenever I feel loneliness I try to medicate it by using my phone; checking tinder, messaging family or friends, checking this forum, etc.

[ffaux]

Have you been addicted to porn or something similiar like another addiction?

I was addicted to the internet and computer games for a while.

[ffaux]

I have identified the feeling of sadness in the pit of my stomach as remorse. Still not sure what about.

---

I'm starting to come to terms with just how sheltered my life has been and how much I've avoided being exposed to potentially traumatising experiences thus far. I think this is definitely some effect of AM. How can I be a man if I can't face the realities of life?

[ffaux]

So much feeling of loneliness.

I get attached so easily.

I have a really difficult time letting go of the past. This explains the strange feelings of sadness and remorse.

I struggle with loss.

[blackwing Z]

Life is a bitch... make sure that bitch beautiful - Lil wanye west

[ffaux]

How do you stop caring about someone you cared about so that you can let go of the past?