alpha 3

[eternity]

I feel like I'm already dead, like this is just me living out the last fragments of my consciousness because I'm holding on to my attachments to this world. I feel like I need to let go of my attachments to the people I love so I can finally rest. I feel like everything in my life so far has been a lesson, a reminder that that's why I'm here: to let go of my attachment to people.

is this not what the basis of zen is? =)

from a book i'm currently reading, which is very applicable:

"make yourself at home, but don't forget you're a guest" - in reference to living on earth.

[ffaux]

I have this resistance to letting myself have what I want. It's like I want something but I'm afraid of what will happen if I let myself have what I want so I don't let myself have what I want. It's bizarre. I wonder if this form of resistance is something Shannon is addressing already: where you don't want what you want because you're afraid of what will happen if you have what you want. Where you want something but you're afraid of having it.

Edit: Also, I'm afraid of the change of having what I want. Having what I have is familiar. Having what I want is entirely unfamiliar.

[Spareness]

It is most likely fear of success. There may also fear to be happy, at least that's what I experienced. I have experienced it at some stage in AM6 (first run).

Initially, I did not realize it, like running in the back of my head. Over time I was getting worried if I managed and/or get what I want. As a result I procrastinating, perfecting things in the process, and last but not least, I spent more time to "work" than to living life.

Improving...improving...improving f***

[ffaux]

It is most likely fear of success.

I agree. Except that I interpret these feelings as being the real feelings that we label as "fear of success".

[Spareness]

It is most likely fear of success.

I agree. Except that I interpret these feelings as being the real feelings that we label as "fear of success".

Actually, currently, I just ran out of words to name that fear. It seems like AM6 is currently purging the programming from your childhood.

Whatever it is, tough resistance don't last long.

[ffaux]

We have already repeatedly determined that to a lot of women, an IOI is an approach in their mind. You are thinking like a man, and she is not.

[ffaux]

I'm processing so much loneliness right now. It's incredibly difficult to deal with. It makes me feel deeply unhappy and depressed. I would like to release the feelings because I know they're inside of me but sometimes I can't help myself but to reach out to someone I love to help alleviate the feelings.

[LionKing]

Spending time with others, especially ones you love - that's not an inherently bad or low-value thing.

[eternity]

Naturally, socializing with people who mean something to you is the opposite of loneliness. It usually works! In the times it doesn't work, be of help to someone you love and it is pretty much guaranteed to cure the loneliness. Do something for someone else. Even if it's not someone you know, it will help.

I hope the feeling passes soon!

[ffaux]

Fear of loss has completely fucked me up. My self-confidence is completely undermined. My relationships are undermined. Everything is fucking undermined. I'm trying to stay above water but I'm drowning in my own feelings so much right now. I'm losing the girl I've been with for almost a year and it's completely fucked everything up and undermined all of my self-confidence. The fucked up thing is on one hand I want to break up with her but on the other in scared of losing her. What the fuck?! How the fuck do I even deal with this?

Edit: Aaaaaand then another girl tells me she wants to see me and it's almost like someone flipped a switch and I feel more self-assured. I thought AM6 was supposed to remove these external hooks…

[DisneylandUSA]

Hang in there. When I listened to AM6; I disconnected with friends. Either I outgrown them or Maturity kicked in. Yes, fears arise during AM6. So, if you have Faith in something larger than yourself then perhaps, it will a good support for you as well. Parts of yourself may emerge to those closest to you and, you may verbally express yourself finally to them; therefore, they may not like this expression. Make sure you eat and drink fluids. Get extra sleep as well :angel:

[ffaux]

Hang in there. When I listened to AM6; I disconnected with friends. Either I outgrown them or Maturity kicked in. Yes, fears arise during AM6. So, if you have Faith in something larger than yourself then perhaps, it will a good support for you as well. Parts of yourself may emerge to those closest to you and, you may verbally express yourself finally to them; therefore, they may not like this expression. Make sure you eat and drink fluids. Get extra sleep as well :angel:

Thank you for your kindness. Truly.

[ffaux]

I completely didn't care about women and I felt fulfilled and secure in myself. Women were giving me tons of attention and smiling at me and I was having success approaching really attractive women who also found me attractive as well. And then I lost it all. And now I'm back to my old ways of staring at the ass of every woman that walks past, looking for attractive women and trying desperately to get positive attention from women. This sucks. Both my self-confidence and success with women is gone.

[ffaux]

The ego balancer is there to prevent false ego. It's there to prevent you from becoming an arrogant, egotistical overblown self centered asshole - not because that is bad for someone else, but because it is bad for you, and makes you blind in ways that tend to destroy success. Has nothing to do with confidence other than to keep your confidence levels from going off into the stratosphere when you don't have real reason for them to be there, and you can't actually back that up with results if you need to.

I realised through reflection that my self-confidence tanked right after peaking. It peaked when I decided one night last week that I wanted to spend time with my friends and didn't feel like having sex with the girl I've been seeing. It then tanked the next day when I suddenly became afraid that I was going to lose the girl over this decision.

Growth creates cycles. The first cycle is becoming unhappy with stagnation. Then you seek growth. Then you deal with the fears that kept you stagnant in the first place. Then you grow some more, and back and forth until the fears have been outgrown and no longer exist. But again, this has nothing to do with the ego balancer. It's a natural part of growing.

I've noticed also that before this fear kicked in I was totally cool and indifferent to women because I didn't want anything from them (I was satisfied and didn't care about sex) but now after the fear has kicked in I'm looking for approval and have consequently gone back to my old pattern of wanting sex from women again.

Translation:

I've noticed also that before this fear kicked in [the part of me that was dominant at the time] was totally cool and indifferent to women because it didn't want anything from them (it was satisfied and didn't care about sex) but now the fearful part of me has become uncomfortable and has taken control, and it is looking for approval and has consequently gone back to my old pattern of wanting sex from women again.