Who do you love - DMSI 3.3.2 Jandom Rusings

[Have at ye]

Feeling pretty spiffy now. Most of that slight nervous breakdown was due to fear and stress, actually, lol. Coming back to town from touring tomorrow, with two more days yet to go. Getting tons of the "celebrity vibe" and compliments on my work, even more so than before.

I also have a neat new trick up my sleeve.

[Have at ye]

Back in town, two more days of the tour to go, but locally. The shielding is doing it's job very well, I must say - as usual, the touring peeps are stirring up nonsensical workplace drama and I'm all like "lol, who cares".

Apart from that, an amusing side-effect of that "afterschool special" thing is that the girl whom I employed to gather some intel on what's what is now messaging me daily to chat, lol. Lovely woman.

My stress-levels are decreasing. Fears and paranoia appear to be going beddy-bye as well, but we'll see. I have a part-ay on Saturday.

I also got a couple nice'n'easy editing jobs I'll be doing next week at the uni-library for a little bit of additional potato.

[Have at ye]

Oh, one more thing: "crazy mum to the rescue!" type of situation, which would explain the behavior of that little aristocrat girl (as well as other women who do stuff like that).

So, my parents were visiting my bro, I went over, we were talking, blah blah, and I'm like "explain me this:", discuss that girl's behavior, and me crazy mum, with her crazed beady-eyed look and wicked, evil grin goes:

"Oh, I'd bet she's just trying to get you to think of her as much as she's thinking of you".

She'd know, me crazy mum.

Also, daddy Freud is ROTFLing in his grave, I'd bet.

[Have at ye]

Feeling very, very good. Finishing up the touring business tomorrow, then it's part-ay taym come Saturday!

Also, thanks to my afterschool special shenanigans, word appears to have spread pretty quickly among the girls (and guys) from my little funky corner of the showbiz: you can't shit-test me, nor can you game me, even if I like you *thiiiiiis* much, lol, because I'll see right through it (all purpose it's going to serve is anger me for a day or two, lol, or make me very disappointed in the gaming girl). All my sweet obsessive female fans now have something to think about (I've got at least 5, yo! Also, they're very jealous of each other apparently). Only thing you can do is come out and say how much you like-like me, and then *maybe* we can take it from there, if you're nice to me.

I now find my paranoid breakdown a little bit amusing, looking back on it, but it's a very good source of information on what I need to get rid of of. Proceeding with that.

I must say, the shielding is impressive. I've been touring with some rather annoying people and their little dramas are don't even warrant a ping on my annoyance radar. I'm actually finding myself thinking: "whuh? How's *that* important? Who cares, really!"

My sex drive appears to have been kicked up a notch as well.

[Have at ye]

Hmm. Some very promising things I noticed today at that part-ay. I'll write more about them tomorrow, as I need my beauty sleep now, but I've noticed some very, very nice things (and ended up having kissy fun with two of my responders, lol. There were about 4-5 present there).

Otherwise, feeling very good, putting on my loops for the day, and then we're on break until Thursday.

[Have at ye]

I experienced a little bit of the "regular suspects" fears coming up again yesternight, but it's less nerve-wracking than last time (it would appear they tend to come up the most while I'm on break-days + usually after I notice some very obvious DMSI effects).

I know what to do by now, though, and what's what.

More details on that part-ay taym - I'm noticing that girls are feeling way more comfortable around me than on the previous DMSIs, despite the fact that they appear to be a little bit more star-struck than before. They also still appear to be competing for my attention, but are way less, erm, aggressive about it. This is promising.

[Have at ye]

Feeling very, very good, the creeping fears/anxiety appear to have been pushed back/eased up now. I went to the library today, to get some work in and read some Lacan, ran into two girls and one guy I saw at that Staurday part-ay, lol. We chatted a bit; one of the girls got a little bit red in the face and looked very happy to see me. Going there tomorrow as well to work some more (I mean, I could be doing the editing at home, but, pff).

I also have a neat little random musing coming up, but I'm still formulating it in language (in other words - I'm gonna have to think on how to explain it, lol).

[Have at ye]

I went to the library today as well; did not notice all that much on the DMSI front apart from the usual subtle signs. Anyroad, I did finish reading that "Feminine sexuality" book by creepy uncle Lacan, and he's a magnificent bastard still, lol. (I'm kinda sad I missed my hot Lacanian action last week because I was touring, but whatchagonnado!) Apart from the titular topic, there was this thing he mentioned in passing there: "The castration complex has the form of a knot" - a knot, you say, creepy uncle? I know what to do with knots by now!

Let's cut.

Then you fill it up with prodigious amounts of self-loving. <3 It's funny, because some part of me still kinda considers "self-love" to be narcissitic/selfish, but we all know that's not true. People who have none may perceive it as such, but a fearful reaction to outside judgement can be cut as well!

I'm also kicking it up a notch with outside negative influence clearings. I want to get rid of anything and everything that may have affected me adversely and stuck; once that's done, the shielding in these new-gen subs should suffice for pretty much any and all purposes.

[Have at ye]

I got some fear/anxiety sensations today in the morning, as I was about to get some proper bardic practice in (for the first time since I finished my tour last week). It wasn't anything as serious as that paranoia bonanza of the previous DMSI break, though, lol, and passed pretty swiftly. It's my last day of break, so I guess that's to be expected until and as such (so until I resolve what I must resolve). Otherwise, feeling pretty spiffy and definitely making progress and stuff. Also went to the library later in the day and got some editing work done, but returned home because I need to get some proper sleep in. Had an opportunity to go to a part-ay tonight, but decided against it as it's with a crowd that I've come to consider as pointless (and could potentially involve some of my... particularly obsessive female fans ).

Two things I have noticed: 1) other guys are way more chillaxed when they see my DMSIng going stronk, and no longer try to either one-up me or go out to prove what bad a guy and playah I am, or whatever their resentment would advise (probably won't work in serious cases of the Oedipal Sonny). Actually, they appear to give me more respect when they see it now, lol.

2) girls who are reacting to what's happening as well as the DMSI-glam also seem to be way more accepting of the fact/less aggressive about getting my attention. Still a bit competitive, but in a playful way. This even includes certain types with game-y tendencies, as far as I can tell (probably won't work in serious cases of the Female Playah, but we'll see).

Tomorrow, we shall be continuing with the scheduled programming.

[Have at ye]

So these past two days, as I'm playing my loops, it feels as if the FRM is kicking in quite seriously at last. I'm basing this on the following: first I'd get this very, very... erm, pleasant, sensations, kinda sexual, lol (pleasant enough that I'm actually moaning to myself a bit, lol ), and I remember this happening on UMS from time to time (so it might be related to fears from the root/sacral region getting extricated; there's a pretty good chance these are pre-speech fears and it's why they feel this way when they're getting uncorked/reversed, assuming the pleasure principle and all that), which also serves to give me a pretty strong "kick in the pants" energy-wise, and then I'd start feeling these wonky "sucking in" sensations, coming from my right foot, liver and heart area mostly, which I've also come to associate with FRM doing one of its things, but now it's a way more pleasant sensation than it used to be on the earlier FRMs (in the foot, it kinda feels as if a splinter of some sort was being pulled out, and then the void left filled up/healed up).

I'm also getting tons of more-or-less random musings which are pretty enlightening and useful, both from a personal perspective, as well as from a more academic/methodological perspective. I'm focused on this enough that I did not even mind missing my morning bardic practice time today, lol. This is important as well.

Continuing, oh yes.

I have some sort of rehearsal on Sunday, and then I'm packing my DMSI to-go and touring out of town from Monday until Thursday. I like the hotel we'll be staying at, they have *amazing* comp breakfasts, lol. I'll be stuffing my face with *gusto*.

[Have at ye]

Funny. It would appear that now that some of that fear stuff got removed, now I can pretty palpably feel, I dunno, "energetic wounds"/"auric wounds" - it feels like an open wound, but it's not physical obviously, and they're in the physical heart area as well as the liver area. These tend to be directly related to emotions and such, but it's best to be rid of them to avoid physical complications related to that as well (I mean, we wouldn't want me to go and bork out with liver failure or a heart attack before 50, now would we ). When I'm actively listening to DMSI, there are moments when these are filling up with something light, and it's very pleasant. In the spirit of full disclosure, I am actively working on healing 'em up in other ways as well apart from running the sub.

It's a different sensation than when these swell up with fear or some negative crap, because they don't feel "empty" when that happens, just black and unpleasant. Now it feels literally like an open wound.

I dealt with that shite when it was still all the way down my right leg (which feels pretty wholesome by now, actually, sometimes my right knee would act up, but for very short periods of time), so this shouldn't take all that long, y'know.

I actually visited that conservatory place today for shits and giggles today, as it was nearby to where I had that pointless rehearsal dealio, and now I know I was tempted to start avoiding the place to avoid aggravation of these wounds of any sort. So I'll be visiting that place from time to time anyway, as I've been doing for many years now. I *own* it.

Feeling pretty good with all that. Touring out of town from tomorrow until Thursday, packing my DMSI to-go.

[Have at ye]

Touring in progress. Eating breakfast like a crazy person, lol. DMSIng looks to be going really, really good; outside effects are way more pronounced. It's funny, because now - compared to the previous versions - I seem to be giving off a way more positive, trustworthy vibe. This may be related to some of the extracurricular stuff I've been doing recently in order to promote effective DMSIng, but I guess I wouldn't have been doing them if it weren't for the program, lol.

I'm also pretty, erm, horny, but I don't feel any pressure for solo release, so to speak, even though it's been some time, lol.

Hilariously enough, for some unfathomable reason, we've got a last-minute replacement pianist this tour, and it turned out to be a very, very well-known and influential person in my little corner of the showbiz, lol. And she's all like "aah, your voice, so great, blah blah" and everything and we have a nice rapport going on (I doubt she's getting sniped though, not really, erm, my type ), and she's really taken a professional interest in me, heh. This could potentially lead to good stuff! We'll see.

[Have at ye]

That touring replacement pianist girl has already called in today to call in an artistic favor, lol. I'll be doing it, she seems like good people. Not much in the way of effort required either.

I'm on break from DMSIng until Tuesday. There's been some really stellar progress going on, I believe. Also, I won't lie, pochędożyłbym. Gonna chillax after the tour for a couple of days, maybe visit the uni-library to read some stuff/ogle some college girls, then it's back to bardic practice on Monday. Also going to sign up for some Saturday hot Lacanian action (though it probably won't have my favorite psychoanalytic guru in attendance) as my recent schedule prevents me from attending the Monday meetings with any sort of regularity, and it makes me sad.

[Have at ye]

As per the usual during the break lately, I got a little bit of fear-y stuff making a return on the second/third day of break, lol. It's way lessened again. It seems to be coming mostly smack-dab from the middle of my chest, and going up the right arm. I was also kinda angry there for a moment, but not rage-y. I did some outside negative influence clearing just in case to know what's what, and it helped (I tend to become more vulnerable to this shite when fears are acting up). I also have a bit of "heavy dark energy" headache of a sort, so that's probably some sort of fears acting up/coming to the surface.

Otherwise, feeling good, and gonna keep on keeping on. I'm halfway tempted to up the dosage of DMSI from the 6 loops I've been doing to 8 loops, seeing as the going is good, but 8 loops could get tricky due to the amount of time required (that's longer than a good night's sleep). Perhaps I'll bite and try that many over the holidays, when I'll have the time to sleep it off if necessary.