11-18-2018, 01:14 AM
Day 7:
First break today. I am loving this sub, really changing my pattern of thoughts, making me more positive and hopeful, working out every day (i path through a lazy/depressed phase recently and didn't wanna workout although i have been doing it consistently for 10 years), doing lots of hypnosis and visualizations, finally saw the benefits of this and i am pushing it to the limits, yesterday i may have been visualizing for two hours (i am substituting my meditation practice), reading and listening about success and lots of plans are coming to my mind. Last two days have been a rollercoaster, a pendulum between high on life and thinking that everything isn't going to work out. Feeling lots of fear surfacing, especially game(pick up) related fears like fear of abandonment (just realized how big this is in my life), i fear rejection which leads me to sabotage all my relationships and end up alone. Last year i practiced pick up a lot and had some success but it all went away pretty fast, and i had lots of trouble keeping (quality) girls in my life, it was common that the beautiful ones lose interest as soon as they get to know me, which was a blow to my ego (fear of abandonment) and looking back i see how much i sabotage every interaction. The thing is: i am a good looking guy with a good shape, nice posture, voice and personality of a pseudo-alpha, it's common that people see me as alpha (but deep down i have horrible self-esteem issues) so it only makes me more fearful since it gives me so much expectation to be good with women. Right now i am having a massive approach anxiety coupled with extreme difficulty in showing emotions (like sexual interest) and this is bothering me a lot lately, i should be a king among women but i SUCK SHIT and it kills me. Coupled with the fact that i am 26 yo and completely financially dependent of my family, nothing career related yet (only plans) which is a true blow to my self-esteem, i am finding really hard to feel alpha when i can't be independent at this age.
For some reason, i am waking up everyday like 5:50 am which never happened. Today i woke up this time with lots of fear and anxiety (fucked up my diet the last two days).
First break today. I am loving this sub, really changing my pattern of thoughts, making me more positive and hopeful, working out every day (i path through a lazy/depressed phase recently and didn't wanna workout although i have been doing it consistently for 10 years), doing lots of hypnosis and visualizations, finally saw the benefits of this and i am pushing it to the limits, yesterday i may have been visualizing for two hours (i am substituting my meditation practice), reading and listening about success and lots of plans are coming to my mind. Last two days have been a rollercoaster, a pendulum between high on life and thinking that everything isn't going to work out. Feeling lots of fear surfacing, especially game(pick up) related fears like fear of abandonment (just realized how big this is in my life), i fear rejection which leads me to sabotage all my relationships and end up alone. Last year i practiced pick up a lot and had some success but it all went away pretty fast, and i had lots of trouble keeping (quality) girls in my life, it was common that the beautiful ones lose interest as soon as they get to know me, which was a blow to my ego (fear of abandonment) and looking back i see how much i sabotage every interaction. The thing is: i am a good looking guy with a good shape, nice posture, voice and personality of a pseudo-alpha, it's common that people see me as alpha (but deep down i have horrible self-esteem issues) so it only makes me more fearful since it gives me so much expectation to be good with women. Right now i am having a massive approach anxiety coupled with extreme difficulty in showing emotions (like sexual interest) and this is bothering me a lot lately, i should be a king among women but i SUCK SHIT and it kills me. Coupled with the fact that i am 26 yo and completely financially dependent of my family, nothing career related yet (only plans) which is a true blow to my self-esteem, i am finding really hard to feel alpha when i can't be independent at this age.
For some reason, i am waking up everyday like 5:50 am which never happened. Today i woke up this time with lots of fear and anxiety (fucked up my diet the last two days).
