US/LM run

[ncbeareatingman]

This afternoon I woke up, checked my to do list, and knocked off all four of the tasks I had set for myself. I got them done before any kind of relaxing and messing around, and in time to cook dinner before work. It was a combination of cleaning tasks that I tend to ignore, and some business that needed to be taken care of. I have tried to force myself to live that way in the past, but I didn’t really follow through. This morning anyway, it seemed natural and like this was how I have been habitually doing things for a long time. It’s almost like the sub and my subconscious just jumped right over that difficult habit forming stage of changing. That’s cool as hell, and I am looking forward to my productivity increasing.
I also get a sense that while I am not where I could financially and professionally at forty, I CAN catch up to where I would be if I didn’t have a slow start, and I can do so very quickly. I wish this thing had existed when I was 16-20. Of course, you’d have had a hard time getting younger me to run anything but DAMSI.
In other news, the past editor function continues to play out in daydreams. Lately I have been remembering situations where someone was able to dominate and mistreat me, but I am being assertive. I kinda sorta remember it happening that way too. Not that I think it actually happened, but (this is really hard to explain) but enough that the emotional effect that the incident has on me now is as if I had done it right at the time and had a different result. I really wish I ever remembered dreams. I’ll bet mine are really interesting now.
Also, I have stopped listening to certain songs that I used to listen to all the time which brought up negative emotional memories that I would dwell on a lot. Those things are over now and I can let them be.

This is friggin incredible Paul. dayumm...its so inspiring to read and again Paul,to see your growth. wow. Im not doing justice fully to what all you just wrote out and shared but man oh man I took it in and read it all in full. more power to ya Paul !!

[Paul1131]

Thanks Man. I suppose I have changed and grown. From here it seems really normal though. It seems like I’ve always been a super productive guy, and this is just uncovering it.

[Paul1131]

I had a great weekend with my wife and kid. We went to a fall festival at a local farm and celebrated our anniversary. I was fully relaxed and really enjoyed myself.
I am no longer as aware of something “running in the background” of my mind with this sub. I am getting used to it. I did not feel exhausted at the end of this six day block, and so far no returning negative thought patterns.
The last two nights I was at home, and played the sub through speakers exposing my wife to it. She didn’t like it she described it: “Unrestful - kept waking up throughout the night - odd but unremembered dreams - fatigued the following day - hard to get to deeper sleep - unpleasant all around.”. I know that these subs cause a lot of new neural connections to be formed, and her ability to do so is compromised by fairly advanced MS. (Shannon, have you ever thought about an autoimmune healing sub?). Does anyone have any suggestions for a type of earphones or buds that a side sleeper can sleep in? I have sleephones, but I usually wake up with them around my neck or lost in the bedding.
The first week of using the to do list went really well. My completion rate for the week was 100%. I had to put a couple things off till the next day, but I got it all done by the end of the week. I have all next week filled in.

[Paul1131]

I had another sudden realization with an accompanying behavioral change. These things are a little odd. It’s not like I didn’t know i should be doing them, but they’ve both been kind of a bolt out of the blue anyway. That is they come with an instant commitment to do something different which I have no problem following through on. Also, there is not the slightest doubt that I WILL follow through.
I realized that most of my time at work is downtime, and I have been completely wasting the better part of eight hours that I could be using to improve myself and my situation. I know that one thing that successful people do is that they read stuff that will help them to be more successful. A lot. Well, I can’t read normally at work, but I can listen to audiobooks. I downloaded one on managing self talk (the sub has given me a leg up on this, but some conscious work will only super charge it), and Admaril McRaven’s book on eh call it life improvement. I’m listening to the first one now. I am going through and choosing a list that includes some general self improvement, some stuff specific to my field, and some stuff on job search/interviewing.
In other news, I have been a productivity machine. I look at my to do list first thing when I wake up, jump out of bed and bang off all the tasks. It’s almost like a fun game.

[findingme]

That was motivating reading Paul! Keep sharing

[Paul1131]

I’m kicking ass on my to do list, and actually enjoying it. This afternoon I got up and cleaned and organized my closet. That might sound like a little thing, but I used to be quite a disorganized slob, so it was as Donald Trump would say YYUUGGEE believe me. The job took all afternoon but I got it done. I ended up getting rid of several trash bags full of clothes that were worn out, didn’t fit anymore, or I just wouldn’t wear. The end result looks great, has a place for everything and everything in its place, and I actually feel really good about it.
As I was working I thought about success a lot as I have been lately. It occurred to me that a successful life is made up of a million little victories. That kind of explains why the to do list “game” is so gratifying to me. Each task I check off is a a small victory, and they feel good. And they are adding up to a better life.

[ncbeareatingman]

Totally Agreed Paul !! Good Man!! Viva La Success!!

[Paul1131]

First stroke of luck that I’ve noticed since switching to USLM2. I had gotten a good set of Bluetooth earbuds with enough battery life that I can run the 8 hours of this program. I do this because I kind of have to hide them under my winter hat depending on who the supervisor is. I bought a pair, and they liked to cut out periodically, and the sound quality wasn’t good enough that I could hear The mumbling voices on the sub, so I’m not sure they were actually good enough that the sub is doing any good. The next day, my wife without me talking about it to her found a pair that costs twice as much on sale for a little over half what I paid for the other set. These ones are great. Sound is at least as good as corded earbuds, and they don’t cut out at all.

[DavisMind91]

How is the battery life for the new pair and what model are they?

[Paul1131]

How is the battery life for the new pair and what model are they?

Battery life says up to twelve hours, and I haven’t had a problem with an eight hour run and listening to some music afterwards. The brand I believe is Powerbeats.

[Paul1131]

My level of assertiveness is increasing. I noticed it this morning when my wife and our roommate wanted to go out and shop for new boots. She wanted me to come with them because there were a number of other errands involved, and I’m off today. I REALLY don’t want to. I hate shoe shopping with her, and I hate shopping in general.
In the past, I have gone along to get along on this type of thing, and regretted it every time. You see, I worked in the prison system for twelve years, and crowded, noisy environments with people going around on all sides of me can really mess with me. I get hyper vigilant, and it becomes exhausting in a short amount of time. I need to get into a store and get out of it. My wife doesn’t shop that way, not even a little bit. However, I used to just go along to avoid an argument.
I this time I said “I really don’t want to go” firmly but nicely. To my surprise, she said OK, and left me to watch the kid.

[Paul1131]

Normally, this would not have been a good day, and it still wasn’t the best. I got the notice that I didn’t get the job I was in for. I had really wanted this one, and had actually gotten it into my head that I was going to get it. I’ve been trying to get into this field for a very long time, I’ve been rejected the gods know how many times, and the two times I was hired (using FYPJ each time) it didn’t work out. Needless to say this is frustrating.
When I’ve actually managed to get it into my head that I was going to get a job and I haven’t, it’s really thrown me for a loop. I’d get a cascading effect of negative thoughts leading to negative emotional states, and it was really difficult to bounce back from. I did bounce back, time and again, but it was getting harder. While I’m told it’s important to feel your emotions and honor them or some bloody thing, it’s counterproductive, and I don’t have time for that.
This time, I kind of sort of felt the cascade start, but (this is really hard to describe, I don’t do complex emotions) it was kind of contained. It was like it was behind a wall or a membrane or something, and it didn’t really touch me. I was able to push it back, and in its place came renewed determination.
I’m back to my original game plan. Run USLM through February to give myself six months of total time on it. Spend that time working on various aspects of myself that I think are holding me back. Start FYPJ or whatever more advanced equivalent of that that Shannon manages to come up with in the meantime starting March one, and really get on perusing that job. Then back on USLM for the first six months to a year.

[Shannon]

One of the things I have noticed about USLM1/2 is that in circumstances that would normally get me down, make me depressed, have me feeling hopeless, and tempt me to give up, I don't. I may get upset, but it passes much more quickly, and the end goal of success is always there. Loving that.

[Paul1131]

Yeah, I love it too. Last night as I was driving to work, the Determination hit. It was a really powerful feeling with accompanying thoughts. I am going to get where I want to get and I will not be stopped. It felt like a power surge in my mind and body and it lasted all night at work. I am working on myself and powering up now, but I start hitting it hard in March and I will have that career job by the end of 2019.