UMS. Let’s get at it

[Paul1131]

I feel like I'm revisiting a spot I experienced while doing UD solo.  It was the awakening that my life was completely built on a lie of who I was, and a bit of grieving followed.  I felt like I was a kid losing his whole reality, his entire view of what was normal.  It pissed me off originally, and truthfully, it scares the s*** out of me now.  I'm still practicing some avoidance of this--but I am AWARE of it, which is a huge help.  I'd bury and deny it automatically before.  Like you, it's based in beliefs that "I can't do this".  

And I just realized while writing that fear has kept me there.  I thought it this eternal monster, and this has and had been my norm.  But that's where I am.  I have written and deleted this sentence now about 3 times--since my "norm" is constantly changing for the better.  Fears don't have the same power.  I'll think of one, but 3 seconds later, when I look at it, it withdraws some.  This is major living adjustment for me .  I'm looking at a fear right now, and it's not looking me in the eyes, its demeanor has changed to doubt, and it's not moving.  

Thank you for your posts Paul.  They are often quite clearly stated, I can relate, and taking some time to see your POV has helped me see mine.  Thanks for your writings

I’m sorry I missed this before.  I’m having a slightly different experience.  I have been destroying my entire frame of who I am and how I relate to the world, but there’s really no grief or fear involved.  My previous frame sucked, and I can’t wait to be rid of it.  This feels like I am resetting myself to who I’m supposed to be.  Who I always was really, under the layers of bad programming that I put there to deal with messed up stuff.