11-24-2019, 05:06 PM
ME: I had a dream this afternoon, it was really weird and it involved the forum so I think that whatever it’s pointing to relates to whatever the sub is doing to me.
A member to the forum (no one who actually exists) showed up at my place of work. It was a man, and he started talking about how he likes the stuff I’ve written and how he feels a deep connection to me. I asked him how he’d tracked me down. He said he’d found me through YouTube. I’m not sure how that relates to anything, but it made sense in the dream.
The dude was really being touchy with me. I kept backing away and trying to make it clear that I wasn’t comfortable with that without outright stating it. That didn’t work, and from that and what he was saying, it became clear that he was trying to start a romantic/sexual relationship with me. He wasn’t just asking either, he thought he was going to somehow make it happen. He kept getting pushier, and I shoved him away. He got extremely angry. I don’t remember exactly what he yelled at me, but the jest of it is that he felt entitled to some kind of relationship because he felt so strongly about it, and had somehow convinced himself that it was “meant to be”. He was ticked off that I was denying him something that he was “supposed to get”. He then pulled out a retractable baton and looked like he was going to beat me with it. I pulled mine out and knocked it out of his hand. He looked like he was going to charge me, and I wanted to end it so I put my hand on my gun (I carry one at work). I think he backed off at that point, but I woke up shortly after.
I’m looking for other people’s takes on this, but here’s what I think was going on with this. I’ve had some problems setting boundaries in the past. I have given money, energy, the ability to live in my space, and other parts of myself because people felt strongly that they were entitled to them.
The best example of this was my fourth girlfriend. I met her through my second girlfriend shortly after she broke up with me. She decided that she was my soulmate pretty much instantly, and spent the next two or three years acting like we were in a relationship. She lived a few hundred miles away from me, but she came to visit any time she could. At first, I was living in a college town, and she was nominally there to visit ex #2. However they always ended up at my place. And she always tried to sleep with me. I didn’t let it happen, and she acted hurt about it. She got extremely jealous and acted hurt when I so much showed a flicker of interest in any other girl. I was still obsessed with ex #2 so she was getting nowhere.
After I flunked out and moved home, she would call all the time, and a couple of times, she spontaneously showed up on the doorstep, my Mom’s doorstep, without asking me or telling me that she was coming. She felt that she was entitled to a very close, intimate relationship with me and acted like it was hers by right.
Once I moved halfway across the country to go back to school, she kept contact and one day, after I had broken up with ex #3 and was upset about it, she announced that she was coming out. She stayed in my dorm for a week, and stuff happened.
The next year, I had my own apartment. She had some unpleasant things happen with her parents, and she pretty much told me that she was moving out to be with me. I let this happen. She lived with me for six months or so, and she refused to get a job (excuse was that her depression and other problems were so bad that she llliiiittteeerrraaallllyyyh couldn’t) refused to do housework, spent my money like it was hers and there was an infinite amount of it, and alienated all of my friends. I finally got rid of her, but only after she’d cost me thousands of dollars, immense frustration, and damaged relationships.
There have been many other times when I have been persuaded to give of myself by someone who convinced me that they were entitled, but that’s the biggest one. It all goes back to me feeling obligated to “save” my father, but I won’t belabor that point.
I think that my “subconscious teacher” chose to illustrate the point with a male pressing me for a romantic/sexual relationship because it knew that’s something I would draw a hard line at. The message is that I do not owe anyone any part of myself that I do not want to give. Also that I am capable of defending those pieces of myself that I want to, and it’s ok to do so.
That applies to money, intimacy (physical or emotional), living space, energy, or my effort and time no matter how much someone feels that they are owed it.
A member to the forum (no one who actually exists) showed up at my place of work. It was a man, and he started talking about how he likes the stuff I’ve written and how he feels a deep connection to me. I asked him how he’d tracked me down. He said he’d found me through YouTube. I’m not sure how that relates to anything, but it made sense in the dream.
The dude was really being touchy with me. I kept backing away and trying to make it clear that I wasn’t comfortable with that without outright stating it. That didn’t work, and from that and what he was saying, it became clear that he was trying to start a romantic/sexual relationship with me. He wasn’t just asking either, he thought he was going to somehow make it happen. He kept getting pushier, and I shoved him away. He got extremely angry. I don’t remember exactly what he yelled at me, but the jest of it is that he felt entitled to some kind of relationship because he felt so strongly about it, and had somehow convinced himself that it was “meant to be”. He was ticked off that I was denying him something that he was “supposed to get”. He then pulled out a retractable baton and looked like he was going to beat me with it. I pulled mine out and knocked it out of his hand. He looked like he was going to charge me, and I wanted to end it so I put my hand on my gun (I carry one at work). I think he backed off at that point, but I woke up shortly after.
I’m looking for other people’s takes on this, but here’s what I think was going on with this. I’ve had some problems setting boundaries in the past. I have given money, energy, the ability to live in my space, and other parts of myself because people felt strongly that they were entitled to them.
The best example of this was my fourth girlfriend. I met her through my second girlfriend shortly after she broke up with me. She decided that she was my soulmate pretty much instantly, and spent the next two or three years acting like we were in a relationship. She lived a few hundred miles away from me, but she came to visit any time she could. At first, I was living in a college town, and she was nominally there to visit ex #2. However they always ended up at my place. And she always tried to sleep with me. I didn’t let it happen, and she acted hurt about it. She got extremely jealous and acted hurt when I so much showed a flicker of interest in any other girl. I was still obsessed with ex #2 so she was getting nowhere.
After I flunked out and moved home, she would call all the time, and a couple of times, she spontaneously showed up on the doorstep, my Mom’s doorstep, without asking me or telling me that she was coming. She felt that she was entitled to a very close, intimate relationship with me and acted like it was hers by right.
Once I moved halfway across the country to go back to school, she kept contact and one day, after I had broken up with ex #3 and was upset about it, she announced that she was coming out. She stayed in my dorm for a week, and stuff happened.
The next year, I had my own apartment. She had some unpleasant things happen with her parents, and she pretty much told me that she was moving out to be with me. I let this happen. She lived with me for six months or so, and she refused to get a job (excuse was that her depression and other problems were so bad that she llliiiittteeerrraaallllyyyh couldn’t) refused to do housework, spent my money like it was hers and there was an infinite amount of it, and alienated all of my friends. I finally got rid of her, but only after she’d cost me thousands of dollars, immense frustration, and damaged relationships.
There have been many other times when I have been persuaded to give of myself by someone who convinced me that they were entitled, but that’s the biggest one. It all goes back to me feeling obligated to “save” my father, but I won’t belabor that point.
I think that my “subconscious teacher” chose to illustrate the point with a male pressing me for a romantic/sexual relationship because it knew that’s something I would draw a hard line at. The message is that I do not owe anyone any part of myself that I do not want to give. Also that I am capable of defending those pieces of myself that I want to, and it’s ok to do so.
That applies to money, intimacy (physical or emotional), living space, energy, or my effort and time no matter how much someone feels that they are owed it.
