ME: I mentioned that I thought that I’d manifested my current job back in 2015 when I was in on the job training for the job I really wanted. That was more important than I thought. The first reason is that manifestation most definitely works. I manifested my way into that job with the help of FYPJ, and I manifested my way out of it, and eventually into this one. The second reason is that I wasn’t ready for that job. It really may be or may have been my calling, but I had too many issues in very important areas to be able to do it effectively. More importantly, I had not been working on myself throughout the many years that I’ve had these issues in order to make myself ready for my calling. It is a very fast paced, difficult, mentally challenging job where the stakes are often life and death (not just for myself). People who aren’t ready for it shouldn’t be doing it. That’s why the on the job training is set up the way it is.
Before I got into that job, I had done zero internal work to make myself ready. Yeah, I used subs, but only so that I could get the job I was obsessed with. I thought that that was the solution to my problems and that once I “finally got there” I would simply rise to the occasion like it was nothing. Well, I had failed to build a good foundation, so when I did get there, all of the fears and insecurities that I’ve had from the beginning reared their heads and brought the house down.
My subconscious knew this, and when I started to feel overwhelmed, I visualized a job where I could sit all night long and not do much of anything while being pretty much left alone. I’ve had those jobs before, and it seemed like it would be nice. I got what I asked for.
It’s not a bad thing either. It’s exactly what I needed as boring as it is. It gives me the opportunity and the peace and quiet to do the thinking and reflection that I need to do to work through the things that hold me back. And to use subs. I’ve had these opportunities before and not taken or appreciated them. I chose instead to let the boredom drive me nuts, and kill time with endless screwing around. Truth is, super advanced subs or no super advanced subs, I could have been ready for that job if I had been doing any of the work that I’m doing now. The subs make it easier, but it was and always is on me.
Before I got into that job, I had done zero internal work to make myself ready. Yeah, I used subs, but only so that I could get the job I was obsessed with. I thought that that was the solution to my problems and that once I “finally got there” I would simply rise to the occasion like it was nothing. Well, I had failed to build a good foundation, so when I did get there, all of the fears and insecurities that I’ve had from the beginning reared their heads and brought the house down.
My subconscious knew this, and when I started to feel overwhelmed, I visualized a job where I could sit all night long and not do much of anything while being pretty much left alone. I’ve had those jobs before, and it seemed like it would be nice. I got what I asked for.
It’s not a bad thing either. It’s exactly what I needed as boring as it is. It gives me the opportunity and the peace and quiet to do the thinking and reflection that I need to do to work through the things that hold me back. And to use subs. I’ve had these opportunities before and not taken or appreciated them. I chose instead to let the boredom drive me nuts, and kill time with endless screwing around. Truth is, super advanced subs or no super advanced subs, I could have been ready for that job if I had been doing any of the work that I’m doing now. The subs make it easier, but it was and always is on me.
