UMS. Let’s get at it

[Paul1131]

I caught myself clearly making things hard on LTU.  I've not figured out reasons myself, but I chose to just change directions since the faulty logic I was using affected myself and others negatively on a daily basis at work.

On UMS, more revelations are surfacing, and a part of me senses that tendency to make things hard.  I'm really grateful E3 is in UMS, for my motives seem to be tied to old ways of parenting myself.  They can be extremely self-punishing.  

I appreciated you explaining your big picture understandings of why you may be doing it yourself.  They made perfect sense to me.

I understand the self parenting thing.  We tend to parent ourselves the way we were parented, and if your parents had issues you tend to take them out on yourself long after your a grown adult.  My internal voice used to be that of my father at the height of his depression/anger/negativity/desperation for me not to “end up a failure like him”.  Some deeper thought patterns are still influenced by my mother who was much more subtle but a lot more deliberately malicious.  
The thing is, I’m beginning to think that it’s a lot easier to fix things than I have thought it would be.  It’s just a matter of letting go of.......something, and passing on the message to do that to some aspect of my subconscious.