UMS. Let’s get at it

[Paul1131]

ME: I did my second loop in a set of three last night. I’m having something happen that I haven’t had since I started on USLM2. I’ve got a lot of frustration rising to the surface. About an hour after I woke up, I started to feel angry and frustrated about my career and life situation. I’ve felt stagnant and like I wasn’t getting what I want out of life for years, and it used to manifest as an all consuming anger. It came back today, but a couple of things that didn’t used to happen did. First, I had some other thoughts surface. They went along the lines of “this is OK, you need to go through this, just exist in it and breathe”. That’s not like me. I don’t do feelings. It’s still not gone, but I’ve been thinking about it. It all stems from an old fear, probably my worst fear. That is the fear of never amounting to anything. That’s been a theme throughout my life, and oddly, I’ve seemed to steer myself toward what I feared there rather than away from it. The subconscious is really weird that way. Maybe I’m thinking that if I never really try, I can’t fail so my subconscious trips me up to give me that excuse.
Mind you, realizing this didn’t make the frustration go away, and I’m not sure if this means FRM is working better or worse. Before this it was pretty much painless, the fears just went away without being felt or thought about much.