UMS. Let’s get at it

[Paul1131]

I just had an  Epiphany.  I was writing on Shannon’s journal discussion about how I had seen incredible external results instantly on USLM 1 but it hasn’t been as good on subsequent versions.  FRM is actually getting in my way.  Don’t get me wrong, it works REALLY well.  But that’s the problem for me.  Mind you, this isn’t likely to be an issue for many other people.  
The bolt out of the blue realization is why that is.  It all comes from my personality type, or at least the parts of it that formed in my childhood.  My parents divorced when I was in kindergarten, in the same month my Dad lost his executive level job.  Did was a strong man and I idolized him at the time, but that broke him and he never recovered.  From that moment on, he was as close to one hundred percent negative as anyone I have ever met, fearful, unable to handle the slightest stress, and constantly angry.  He did love me, and was able to show it sometimes, but by and large I was the adult.  I cared if things came out right for him, so I took on the responsibility for making everything end up right.  It was my fault if it didn’t.  This put me under stress that six year olds shouldn’t even know exists, and gave me more than a couple of issues. It sucked hardcore.  I lived in stress and fear every day from age six to age nineteen or so.  
But it also forced me to be able to handle those adult problems and perform at an extremely high level while under that kind of stress.  At least for a kid.  Oddly, as soon as I went to college, I felt like the pressure was off and I didn’t perform very well.  I did seem to be trying to stress myself out with my choices in relationships and a few other things, but without the stress, I just didn’t do well.  
That trend has continued.  The longest I’ve ever held a job was in an environment where you can get stabbed at any time, and all kinds of other things can and do go wrong.  I hated it and it was killing me, but I was REALLY good at it.  I did my best work on days when all hell was breaking loose and routine tasks had to be done as well.  
Now, I’ve been on FRM in one form or another since last November, and I feel much better in general, and I feel a lot less stress and fear.  That’s wonderful, I’m a lot happier and healthier..  The problem is that I thrive on stress.  That might be kind of blocking me from getting the kind of execution that I got on a program that had nothing to combat it now that I’ve switched focus back to just putting points on the board and bucks in the bank.

[Shannon]

That's hilarious. It's like listening to a cocaine addict explain that they know cocaine addiction is bad, but they can't give it up because they thrive on cocaine.

The issue isn't that FRM works, but you thrive on stress. The issue is that you thrived on stress as a way of living your negativity and fear based programming to the fullest, and now you need to adjust to having that fear and negativity being removed, but don't yet know what to do about it.

If I created a new USLM with ME but without FRM, it would be full price, and no refunds.

[ncbeareatingman]

Paul,I was gonna write earlier in another journal but to you,that I think that once FRM 4.6 does more of its massive thing,removing all kindsa gunk & junk from our pasts...that when the real deal , goes down, were all gonne be thanking Shannon for a helluva long time....this program is working on so many levels and soooo much is going on underneath the hood...that its not even funny.

For me,the 'bloom' effect and the 'morphine drip trip' is part of enjoying the journey as well as the destination,also manifesting of course & things showing up for the ride! appreciate cha sharing so openly and deeply,Paul.

[Paul1131]

That's hilarious.  It's like listening to a cocaine addict explain that they know cocaine addiction is bad, but they can't give it up because they thrive on cocaine.

The issue isn't that FRM works, but you thrive on stress.  The issue is that you thrived on stress as a way of living your negativity and fear based programming to the fullest, and now you need to adjust to having that fear and negativity being removed, but don't yet know what to do about it.

If I created a new USLM with ME but without FRM, it would be full price, and no refunds.

That’s pretty much it.  This was a realization that hit me like a ton of bricks after id posted in your journal, it just explains why I was getting better manifestations and such while I didn’t feel nearly as good.  I seem to get those on your programs, and they’re helpful.  I think that that popping into my consciousness like that may be a sign that the problem is close to being solved.  I have noticed that these epiphanies are often followed closely by an improvement in whatever issue they are about.  
I would bet that my ability to function under pressure has actually improved.  
That said, if you make such a program, I’ll pay to try it at some point.  To satisfy my own curiosity if nothing else. And I have never asked you for a refund on anything.

[Paul1131]

Paul,I was gonna write  earlier in another journal but to you,that I think that once FRM 4.6 does more of its massive thing,removing all kindsa gunk & junk from our pasts...that when the real deal , goes down, were all gonne be thanking Shannon for a helluva long time....this program is working on so many levels and soooo much is going on underneath the hood...that its not even funny.

For me,the 'bloom' effect and the 'morphine drip trip' is part of enjoying the journey as well as the destination,also manifesting of course & things showing up for the ride! appreciate cha sharing so openly and deeply,Paul.

I already have plenty to be thankful to Shannon for, and what he said makes sense.  My job from here is to learn to function like I did when I was feeling the stress and pressure without it.  I can do that.

[Shannon]

That's hilarious.  It's like listening to a cocaine addict explain that they know cocaine addiction is bad, but they can't give it up because they thrive on cocaine.

The issue isn't that FRM works, but you thrive on stress.  The issue is that you thrived on stress as a way of living your negativity and fear based programming to the fullest, and now you need to adjust to having that fear and negativity being removed, but don't yet know what to do about it.

If I created a new USLM with ME but without FRM, it would be full price, and no refunds.

That’s pretty much it.  This was a realization that hit me like a ton of bricks after id posted in your journal, it just explains why I was getting better manifestations and such while I didn’t feel nearly as good.  I seem to get those on your programs, and they’re helpful.  I think that that popping into my consciousness like that may be a sign that the problem is close to being solved.  I have noticed that these epiphanies are often followed closely by an improvement in whatever issue they are about.  
I would bet that my ability to function under pressure has actually improved.  
That said, if you make such a program, I’ll pay to try it at some point.  To satisfy my own curiosity if nothing else.  And I have never asked you for a refund on anything.

I can't remember all of who has and has not asked for a refund when and so on, so it wasn't that.  I'm just putting that out there for the general public to read.  Making that program again, and without FRM, would make it more likely to get refund requests IMO.  FRM was developed to achieve the program goals for people with fear based sticking points, so refunds did not happen.  So releasing it without that really makes no sense to do under the standard refund policy.

[Paul1131]

ME: Today was weird. I had my interview for that new job, and I felt it went well. I had a good rapport with the panel, and I think I clearly demonstrated that I knew the business and am a good fit for the agency. After I was done, I stopped worrying about it. This is not how it used to be. I would second guess the heck out of myself and stew on it constantly. This time, I pretty much forgot about it the second I left the building. I haven’t worried about it since. I did well, I’ll hear soon enough if I did better than anybody else.
After that I went out and shopped fore some stuff with my wife kid and roommate. I may have experienced some morphine drip effect. About halfway through that I started feeling angry and irritable. It was pretty bad, worse than I’ve had it since a few weeks into LTU. This lasted for hours. I was snapping at my wife and refraining from snapping at my son. The tooth clenching that I got rid of on LTU came back a bit even. I was able to kind of analyze the feeling, and it was kind of like having a severe headache,but without any physical pain at all if that makes the slightest bit of sense to anyone. It almost feels like the opposite of the morphine drip effect. The feeling dissipated after we got home.
I am running a loop tonight, and I think I’m going to try doing the 3 on 7 off protocol for a few cycles. I am using the wife’s good Bose headphones instead of my earbuds tonight. The sound quality is much better, unfortunately I can’t use them at work. Not that I seem to have any issues executing on earbuds.

WIFE: She got a call from the headhunter who had helped her get her last job years ago. This was totally out of the blue. The guy didn’t know she was looking for a job. He said that he had a position that might be perfect for her, and actually pays a little better than what she was getting. Hushed updatedbher resume, and sent it to him yesterday, but we haven’t heard back yet. She’s kind of stewing about it, but she has only done two loops. I expect she’ll hear something tomorrow.
She hasnt reported thinking or feeling any different, but I am seeing some indications that she is a lot more positive. I don’t think she’s actually noticed yet.

[Paul1131]

ME: I woke up pissed at the world and feeling very tired. this morning. Got into a squabble with the wife, but compared to how we used to go at it, it wasn’t too bad. This time the argument was at least partly my attitude, not just her going at me. I started feeling better a couple of hours after waking up. I don’t know what’s going on with this return of low grade anger. It’s not constant, but it’s frequent. I may be running the sub too little. I can’t imagine I’m doing it too much because I’m at the minimum level. Since the wife seems to have a similar kind of thing going on, it may be some kind of local energy thing.
That seemed to be confirmed when I took the roommate to her appointment. We drove through a pretty sketchy neighborhood, and something felt off. Plus their were an abnormal number of people hanging out on the street who I got the impression we’re up to something. Plus there was a lot more police activity than you normally see at this time of the morning.

[Shannon]

I suspect that the irritability/anger response is the subconscious getting upset because either it doesn't want to do what it's being pushed to do, or it doesn't want to do it as fast as it's being pushed to do it. I notice that a day or two after I run my loops, I get irritable and snappish. Not sure if it would benefit from more or less loops, but it seems to have decreased after I started doing more loops at a time.

[Paul1131]

I suspect that the irritability/anger response is the subconscious getting upset because either it doesn't want to do what it's being pushed to do, or it doesn't want to do it as fast as it's being pushed to do it.  I notice that a day or two after I run my loops, I get irritable and snappish.  Not sure if it would benefit from more or less loops, but it seems to have decreased after I started doing more loops at a time.

Yesterday was day five, and irritability was abnormal so I ran one last night.  I’m going to try the three and seven and see what that does.  After last time I ran multiple loops in a day, I’m loathe to try that again.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

@Shannon How many loops of UMS SHOULD one do? And how many days off? I ask because I'll be getting UMS soon and going on it in about 2 weeks.

[Shannon]

It might also be TID

[Paul1131]

ME: The wife was clearly mad about something most of today, but keeping quiet about it. That’s not normal. At some point I realized that she was actually trying to control it rather than tearing into me for something. That’s progress and not something I was really expecting. I wasn’t worrying about relationship stuff until we got into at least a stable financial situation. We were looking at houses again today,. I was actually thinking of some of the more expensive ones that we saw as possible even though they aren’t right now today.
We went to a discussion group that we go to sometimes, and I was seated across from another regular. She’s a rather attractive woman who I know, but who doesn’t normally talk to me. Since I’ve been working so much, I hadn’t been there in a while, and hadn’t seen her. I commented that she looked thinner and she lit up and said “thank you”. She spent the rest of the evening talking to me pretty much exclusively. There was definitely an undertone of flirtation there, and I could tell she wanted some other kind of attention from me, but didn’t want to act out of line. I don’t know if that’s because I’m married or just that my wife was right there. She was making eye contact every time she could, and went so far as to give me a good long view down her shirt a few times. I had a pretty difficult time pretending I didn’t notice. I mention this because I’ve known her for years and haven’t gotten a hint that she’s interested.
I also noticed that people seemed to listen to me a bit more during the discussion. Also whenever I’m in public my voice seems to have gotten louder and deeper, I automatically act like I’m in charge.

[ncbeareatingman]

Hell Yes!!