UMS. Let’s get at it

[Paul1131]

ME: I seem to have shifted gears. I am much more focused on making outward changes in my life and habits than on the internal sources of my problems that have been getting in the way. The first goal of this seems to be to go from avoiding issues out of fear, to looking at everything as it is and taking it all head on.
I’ve been thinking about it a bit more, and I’ve figured out that I’ve been thinking that if I don’t take a full look at a problem, it isn’t “real” and can’t hurt me. I don’t think that I have to be really long winded in my explanation of how that’s a self lie. The full extent of the problem is the same wether I know about it or not, and it’s a lot easier th effectively deal with something you know all about.
I took the first step this morning. I checked my bank balances when I first woke up as I will every morning. I felt the same “I don’t want to look at this” discomfort before I did, and my mind tried to make up reasons not to, but I did it anyway. Successful people stay aware of their situations and face problems head on as early as possible, and I am a successful person. This might sound like a small thing to you, but it’s the start of something huge for me, and now a part of my morning routine.

Also, I got the strong impression that I should change my listening pattern for this phase of things. I’m running one loop per day until further notice. Apparently my need for exposure changes as what the program is making me focus on changes.

[Paul1131]

WIFE: This morning she apologized to me. I asked why, and was a bit confused. She said that she had found some bottles of toilet cleaner right where I said I’d put them, and she hadn’t seen them the first time she’d looked. I was still confused because all she had done was ask me where they were and say that they weren’t there by text. She told me that she had cussed me up one side and down the other when I wasn’t there, and she felt bad about it.
This shows that she is really looking at her thoughts, feelings, and behavior, not just restraining herself in front of me out of fear that I’ll leave.

[Paul1131]

ME: I noticed a major shift in thinking this morning. I woke up feeling great and with my energy field really humming. As I was getting ready for work, I was thinking about the program and thought “I am executing”. It wasn’t forced positive thinking, it wasn’t me repeating an affirmation, it was a natural thought that rose to my mind. It was a thing that I thought of as the truth.
This is new. Before I thought “I’m about to execute”, or I was telling myself to execute. Now, I’m just taking it as a matter of course that I am doing it right now.
I also find myself visualizing getting significant amounts of money, and experiencing it like it’s already happened. I’m not feeling impatient about it actually happening, I’m just kind of enjoying the experience.

[Paul1131]

ME: I had a very productive weekend. I got a lot of clutter cleaned out for the appraisal. It didn’t feel like I did much, and the level of disorder is still driving me nuts. One more weekend, and I ought to be ready to pull the trigger and start the process.
I have checked the bank balances every morning before I got out of bed all this week like I said I would, and this week I will add the credit card balances in to that. The goal here is to develop real time situational awareness where financial matters go. So far, I’m keeping to the good habits without much effort.
The bad news is that I’m feeling stalled right now. I’m on the cusp of taking a major step in the right direction, but I have one major job to do before that happens. That job seemed overwhelming to me this weekend and this morning though. I was also thinking about all of the things that could go wrong between now and getting it done. I suppose I’m having some trouble conceptualizing it being done. It’s been such a long fight to get here that going on to the next level doesn’t seem possible sometimes. The state of struggling and stressing seems so normal.
It is possible though, I know that, I just need to do it. There’s still some fear here. I think it’s a simple fear of changing states combined with a fear that it won’t work. We can get through that. I think that FRM has done enough that I won’t manifest sabotages, it’s just normal nervousness.
I figured out another part of the problem. I see why a lot of other guys are doing the no porn nofap thing even on a program that has nothing to do with sex. I had almost quit both while on LTU without giving it much of a thought, but for the last few weeks, I’ve been watching a lot of porn and engaging in the associated activity every morning when I got home from work. This is something that I do compulsively when I’m stressed, so it was pointing to my current mental state, and I do believe it’s been draining off a lot of the energy that I would otherwise be using to execute the program. I think that’s a part of why I feel so stalled out and stressed out at the moment. This must stop.

[Yous]

Hi Paul, What´s up dude? Something new?

[Paul1131]

BOTH: I’ve not updated this for a while because I, like several others here had noticed that when we talk about real world results that seem to be starting to manifest, they have a strong tendency of going sideways. In this case, we were trying to get the house refinanced again. And once again we hit a stumbling block at the last second and have to put the whole thing off again. Specially, my wife lost her job at about the last minute after we had done every other part of the process.
That killed it off, and it’s the third or fourth time that something like this has happened. The good news is that as soon as she finds a new job we have everything done, so it can happen quickly.
I think I’ve mentioned this before. As far as external results go, The USLM series and UMS has been amazing at helping us keep our heads above water and stave off disaster. Unfortunately, we still seem to be somehow blocked when it comes to getting onto solid ground. It’s weird. When were about to hit financial disaster, some amazing stroke of good luck saves us, but when we are about to get to a point where we are financially secure, some piece of bad luck comes out of the blue and stops us. Thus far, we still haven’t been able to level up.
The one good effect is that I don’t feel nearly the level of stress that I did when this kind of thing happened before. FRM seems to have had a real lasting effect.
Also, at the perfect time, a bunch of people where I work quit, so I have the opportunity to work 70 hours a week and make up for the lost income.
Also, I am currently off of UMS. I think that I suffer from the subconscious boredom effect that they’ve been talking about of Shannon’s journal discussion thread. The shows up as the effects of whatever sub I’m on, at least the ones that I can feel petering out at some time between four and six months, and then I get a strong urge to listen to something else.
At the moment I’m listening to Find Your Perfect Job in 5G. My professional certification expires later this year, so I wasn’t going to wait any longer to get back on that. It would be much harder to get a job in my field if that happened.
I must say though, that I’m having a strong urge to stop that and use something that isn’t financial or job related at all for a little while. Maybe I’ve just been focusing on super serious issues too hard for too long and need a little mental vacation. Advice?

[ncbeareatingman]

I feel the same way Paul and I've purdy much done thee same thing,man. I've been on DRS for a month now and defintely lovin' it and definitely a game changer. IM taking a breather from UMS and maybe just maybe by :Looking; the other way and placing my attention on other things as I have been the money,may yet still show up as a result of 'letting go' and forgetting about it. we'll see. 5 hours a day of DRS, 7 days on and 2 days off right now...testing the water,in that direction. all the best and hope you and your family are keep well,Paul. Keith.