Transcendental Sith Lord's OGSFv2 5.11G Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well more has happened so thought I would report. I also want to draw attention to a self sabotaging technique I was able to uncover in case it needs to be addressed in future subs or people might be having the same issue. I think though since I overcame it current anti fear tech in the subs is probably enough.

So I realized in order to get the most out of all this I had to do something I should have been doing a long time ago. While listening I have been actively thinking and trying to reconcile every single major traumatic event in my life. On top of this I have gone to the times when I felt the most guilt, shame, and/or fear. I won't lie trying to do this was not pleasant at times but it needed to be done. The only way your going to get over such events is by facing them and overcoming them within your own mind. I found though that doing this whatever event I was thinking about would either start rectifying itself in my mind and/or its like my mind put myself back in that same circumstance and I acted completely different from how I did. As if I was overcoming the traumatic event within my mind. I notice with things starting to get resolved all of a sudden I got happier, more joy and I just started seeing everything more positively. I actually had decided within my mind that I'm just going to see things more positively now and do things from a positive viewpoint. My mind has been very quiet. I don't have as many rapid thoughts and especially thoughts on more negative situations. The daydreaming is basically gone. Its like I am in the here and now without being distracted.

One other important thing I noticed is that the voice in my head basically started believing and following the instructions. When I mean voice in my head I mean when your actively thinking within your mind or talking (think analyzing something out loud in your mind). Its hard to explain but that part of me it just felt like it started believing and that was a major turning point. I always felt like this part of me was always sitting there trying to be objective, etc and analyzing the thoughts that occur in my head.

Lastly, I figured out a self sabotaging technique that was being used which would help regrow the fears and negative beliefs over the years after I thought they had originally been done with. While listening I started having that thought of "what if it all comes back?". However this time automatically my mind just froze and it was like all my attention was drawn to that thought. Like my eyes were finally open. I saw that for what it was and its like my mind followed the train of thought to what it would lead to and the game was up after that. Essentially I realized what was happening over the years has been That thought goes through my head, it produces fear which strengths the "belief" that everything I dealt with will come back which produces more fear, etc, etc. The part of me resisting was using this feed back loop of fear and belief in order to regrow anything that got "resolved". If not right away it would regrow within 2 weeks. However I caught on to what was going on and its like that didn't work anymore. As soon as the method was found out I saw it for what it was. I dealt with that belief and fear right away which means basically any gains I make for now on stay that way. Thought I would share this in case anyone might be going through the same thing or/and it needs to maybe be dealt with directly. However the fact that I caught on to this finally after years of using other subs means maybe this sufficiently dealt with in 5.11G.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Major changes keep happening and I'm glad I decided to stick with this sub. At the rate I'm going I think i might only need to stick with this till the 6 month mark. I think most of everything will be cleared out by then. After that I think its on to MLS as I will need to both learn more tech over the next year and German.