Transcendental Sith Lord's OFv2 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, interesting turn of events. I got rid of the whole "you can't tell me what to do" resistance. Funny, the most obvious thing just clicked internally for me. Society and others have been indoctrinating me to think in certain ways (many not helpful and actually harmful) since I was very young and I had no choice in that really. Now I have  choice to actually install beliefs and attitudes that I want and I want to pull the whole "you can't tell me what to do" card? lol. After I came to that rather painfully, obvious conclusion its like something just released in me. So seems like I don't have that type of resistance anymore which should make this and all future subs a lot more effective.

I do really feel like a totally different person. As I alluded to before it feels more like the "clean slate" type of state with a bit of positivity to it. The only problem I have is even though I'm more motivated now to do somethings, for others things I'm just not as motivated. It feels like for those things fear was the primary motivator and with that gone i'm not as motivated. Well, I suppose that will be more fixed once i start running a new sub down the loan to start installing new beliefs instead of just getting rid of fear.

I have realized something else. It has to do with the idea of Nietzsche's concept of "will to power" compared to another academics idea of "will to survive". I think this is pertinent to this sub due to my own personal experiences. I would say both concepts are correct though with a certain twist. It seems to me those who have lots of fears only have a "will to survive" and those that have very fear or willing to practice "self overcoming" (Another Nietzsche concept) have the "will to power". I have already noticed this that as the fear is basically eradicated I start having this feeling of wanting more power and deserving the best things in life. As if it were my right to do so.

Lastly I think I get what @Shannon said about the Matrix being closer to reality than we think. Its hard to explain but I have these vary surreal moments where it feels like the laws of this world aren't as hardline as we might think. That it feels like with our own beliefs that we can kind of "tweak" the code that this reality runs on. Hell, I've already gotten this sense that as my beliefs have changed that I'm noticing that my external environment or what happens in it seems to have changed. Case in point my mother and I eventually talked. Everything that needed to be said was said about the last 2 decades which also included her actually apologizing. Will see how things go from here but this is actually promising and means basically a lot of things have gotten resolved. It only happened because the fear was lessened to a degree that I wasn't afraid to yell back at her. That's when I realized something, if you yell at her she literally is a push over. Like she mostly relies on something that I remember @Shannonsaid regarding his mother. She relies on using a certain look, expressions, etc to automatically get a shameful, fearful, guilty, etc response out of the person. Once you don't give in though and actually push back she has nothing at all and she folds easily. Eh, makes me realize at the end of the day she is the coward really who just talks big but has nothing to back up anything.