01-17-2019, 07:22 AM
Day 9
Met a girl I matched on Coffee Meets Bagel. She was different from her picture but in a good way. Conversation wasn't very comfortable for me because she wasn't very reactive and somehow she put me on edge. I tried to rein it in and got into a somewhat decent conversation during dinner. Walked to the park but she was very resistant to any sexual topics and eventually I found out she was a virgin and quite asexual. I lost all interest by that point and ended the date promptly. Quite hard to believe there's a 24-year-old virgin on paper but my country is a conservative Asian country and CMB is a more conservative online dating app. In fact the first 4 girls I met from the app last year were all virgins. I have only ever laid one chick from it, who eventually became my main date now. From now on I need to screen extra hard on CMB.
Day 10
Confirmed a date with a girl and also asked out the 18-year-old Indian girl. I used to feel some anxiety when asking girls out, and when they don't want to come out I'd feel "dang it". I only really noticed it now because today I didn't feel any anxiety around asking them out. I felt like if they don’t bite I won't really care, I have no shortage of tasks to do if I don't meet girls. Come to think of it, I should set some days just for myself.
In the afternoon while napping I wondered about why I seem to get taller girls these days. In the second half of last year all I got was short girls <160cm (5'3") and while I do love short girls too, I actually prefer taller girls. With a short girl, she'd be cute and easy to handle but sometimes I feel there's not enough of her. I reflected on my encounters with the dancer chick and the 18-year-old Indian. I imagined their bodies and I felt a strange sensation emanating from my solar plexus, like an invisible heat. It fills my body for a few seconds and I felt it unlocked something. I had an erection. I realized that I might have been afraid of truly expressing my love and passion for girls and held back because I was afraid of getting hurt. Even when having sex with them I'd do it in a technical way to hit her spots and assert my dominance, not really in a way to savor her. Maybe the way forward is to love and ravish women without fear. When a woman rejects me, I really don't care. I've read about these ideas for some time (loving women without fear etc), but with some concepts it's hard to internalize them until you eventually come to them on your own.
People have reported feeling heat or morphine drip etc with various subs but this is the first time something of that sort happened with me. FRM's work?
Met a girl I matched on Coffee Meets Bagel. She was different from her picture but in a good way. Conversation wasn't very comfortable for me because she wasn't very reactive and somehow she put me on edge. I tried to rein it in and got into a somewhat decent conversation during dinner. Walked to the park but she was very resistant to any sexual topics and eventually I found out she was a virgin and quite asexual. I lost all interest by that point and ended the date promptly. Quite hard to believe there's a 24-year-old virgin on paper but my country is a conservative Asian country and CMB is a more conservative online dating app. In fact the first 4 girls I met from the app last year were all virgins. I have only ever laid one chick from it, who eventually became my main date now. From now on I need to screen extra hard on CMB.
Day 10
Confirmed a date with a girl and also asked out the 18-year-old Indian girl. I used to feel some anxiety when asking girls out, and when they don't want to come out I'd feel "dang it". I only really noticed it now because today I didn't feel any anxiety around asking them out. I felt like if they don’t bite I won't really care, I have no shortage of tasks to do if I don't meet girls. Come to think of it, I should set some days just for myself.
In the afternoon while napping I wondered about why I seem to get taller girls these days. In the second half of last year all I got was short girls <160cm (5'3") and while I do love short girls too, I actually prefer taller girls. With a short girl, she'd be cute and easy to handle but sometimes I feel there's not enough of her. I reflected on my encounters with the dancer chick and the 18-year-old Indian. I imagined their bodies and I felt a strange sensation emanating from my solar plexus, like an invisible heat. It fills my body for a few seconds and I felt it unlocked something. I had an erection. I realized that I might have been afraid of truly expressing my love and passion for girls and held back because I was afraid of getting hurt. Even when having sex with them I'd do it in a technical way to hit her spots and assert my dominance, not really in a way to savor her. Maybe the way forward is to love and ravish women without fear. When a woman rejects me, I really don't care. I've read about these ideas for some time (loving women without fear etc), but with some concepts it's hard to internalize them until you eventually come to them on your own.
People have reported feeling heat or morphine drip etc with various subs but this is the first time something of that sort happened with me. FRM's work?
