07-04-2017, 06:10 AM
(07-03-2017, 04:20 PM)Benjamin Wrote: I'm not sure i'd appreciate it if a girl was recording me during sex and i'm sure they would feel the same.
(07-03-2017, 04:23 PM)Nox Wrote: How do I double catman upvote this?
That's some straight creeper nonsense.
Yeah I get it, Nox and Ben. Believe me I do. I know it's an evil thing to do, to film her having sex without consent. But these vids are not for anyone else's eyes but mine. I'm not gonna post them anywhere, I have nothing to gain from that. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. I know that the one harmed is actually me, because I have to live with that and deep down I will see myself subconsciously as someone who did an evil thing. And as I do it more and more it will get easier and easier to do. By doing this I started rolling down a slippery slope towards a path of evil and isolation where I can't feel any caring towards others.
But out of curiosity I decided it was worth it. In my tennis training I always gained a lot from recording a video of myself. I'd become aware of some weird faults in my technique that I would never know if I never saw myself. I always wanted to see how I look when escalating and when having sex. I thought I'd see many kinks in my behavior I would never see otherwise. The self feedback was all I wanted. And I got it. I spotted a few habits that I need to stop and it was clear as hell that I need to work on my voice. Maybe part of why pickup instructors are so good is because they always record themselves. But yeah doing it like this came at a cost, like what I mentioned above.
Day 46 (Day 4 of B)
Met my FWB. It was good to see her. Talking to her felt so much better than talking to G yesterday. Just felt more connected in our wavelengths. That's why I could keep her as a friend all this while. Of course it wasn't as good as when talking with my ex when we were dating, but these days that level of connection is rare to come by. And I'm not looking for something that deep nowadays as I'm still in a confusing time with my life direction.
Anyway, sex was great. Pounded her for 20 minutes straight and loved every minute. Definitely no sexual performance issues. I also recorded today. Today's video was definitely more useful because not only it recorded a longer sex, it also recorded the rest of my interaction with her. Very informative. I am going to stop doing it for a while. I've learned enough for the time being and I don't want to keep rolling down that slope.
Is DMSI making me a super cold person? Or do I just lean that way? We'll see. I need to watch myself.
Today I saw many attractive girls in my neighborhood. I was walking past some of them when I realized that I feel acquisitive when looking at them. Like I want to get something from them. I also noticed a deep buried emotion which feels like spite. I want them but in my mind they reject me and I can't get them. I don't genuinely believe from the bottom of my heart that I deserve the very attractive girls. That's how it is now.
So that's 3 out of 3. It was fun. Last time I would get sick of sex after just 2 days straight of sex, but now I can't wait to go again. Guess something's been cleared.
Flying to UK tomorrow!!
