The Hepatitis Bathtub and Other Stories - MLS 3 5.5 G

[Raz]

Wow. A whole lot of anxiety is welling up inside me.

Because it is in reaction to something trivial I think it is rooted in something different as a response to something in the script of MLS.

[Raz]

What does it say on the long list of sub-goals about self discipline?

89. Develop, increase and use self discipline to achieve the goals of this program.

I am clearly taking baby steps here and doing the first. I am slowly developing some rudimentary self discipline. It's like watching the first tiny blossoms appear.

It's getting more and more difficult to pin-point sub-goal changes (as if it was ever possible in the first place). Instead those goals/programmings are interconnecting and forming a synergistic multitude of change that is becoming visible step by step. It's like listening to a complex piece of music unfolding around and within you as you listen to it ... or a masterfully designed perfume that takes you through different stages and levels of an olfactory landscape, unveiling one scene after the other with passing time.

Truly a masterpiece.

[Raz]

I am in the happy position to have started to work at a new shitty job that pays the rent just yesterday. Why happy position? Because I know absolutely nothing about the line of work, about what is done how and why. It's the perfect setting to see some MLS action.

Of course I cannot really compare it to how I would 'normally' do in such a situation. I have no clue. And it doesn't matter anyway, because MLS will become my new normal. I remember A LOT of details about what to get where, how to get there, how to do stuff that I have been shown. See it once, recall it clearly ever after. I ask a lot of questions about how stuff works. And I even ask a lot of questions when I am doubtful about how to proceed. Asking when in doubt is new. And it's great. No more feeling shameful/guilty/blah-blah when I can't figure out stuff on my own. I just open my mouth and ask.

[Raz]

The Hepatitis Bathtub* is taking me on a tour back in time. And it does underline the accelerated learning curve I have thanks to all the healing and clearing in the various subs I ran and am running.

* the tell-all autobiography of NOFX

[Raz]

The state-shifting is really something with MLS.

It is getting stronger and stronger with every passing week. And it reminds very much of cannabis in that it is dreamlike, like I put my ego aside and become an absolute observer. When walking outside directly after I played my loops trees and plants in general look much more vivid, I can distinguish much more tones of green and take in the many intricate shapes of leaves individually as well as the complete leaf canopies themselves.

It is really strange. When I am listening to the loops I am getting completely lost in whatever I am doing during that time and I forget everything else around me. Which is good and bad at the same time.

[Raz]

Time for some concrete developments.

I took the same IQ test just now that I took on day zero while downloading MLS before starting. It's in English, which is not my mother tongue, so the results are biased with regard to word comprehension and stuff like that. Because of this and because I don't feel like sharing the actual numbers, I only post the differences.

The test I took is from http://www.seemypersonality.com/IQ-Test.

Unfortunately, I did not see the extended results for left and right brain when I took the test for the first time, so I don't have comparing values for day zero.

I'll take the test again when I come close to the three months mark. Maybe I'll take it regularly every 50 or so days as long as I am on MLS, don't know yet. But then I'll have to take into account that I get somewhat used to taking the test and the element of surprise will be gone. Maybe I will post concrete numbers some time in the future, everything is possible.

My mental state right now was somewhat similar to day zero, mentally fatigued and somewhat out of it. Definitely far away from a peak state. Which is exactly why I took it. Additionally, it was to have a real measure to how things are, because I am having strong thought waves again that tell me that MLS is doing nothing and not working and a waste of time and that I'd be better of running another sub (interestingly still either E2, AM, or BASE).

So without further ado, the results.
Overall IQ change from day zero to day 51: +25
Overall left brain change day zero to day 51: -3
Overall right brain change day zero to day 51: +14

Difference between left and right brain day zero: 20
Difference between left and right brain day 51: 3

What can I say? I'll stay with MLS!

[Tristian]

up 25 points is insane

[Raz]

up 25 points is insane

I'm not so sure about that. I don't think that the IQ is static. Instead I believe that it varies in concert with internal and environmental changes.

For me the question is just how much can we amplify those natural variations and shift it towards the upper end of the spectrum.

[Raz]

Once again anxiety is welling up inside me. Like before I cannot pinpoint where it is emanating from. This is happening every few days. A wave hits me and the following days it slowly subsides, one or two days are OK and then another wave appears.

It's bearable but still not really fun, most of all because I don't feel like I resolve anything to advance because I don't have a clue what the underlying source is.

[Raz]

I think I found a way to crush the anxiety that pops up every now and then.

There is an old German proverb that says "Sich regen bringt Segen". Loosely translated to English dict.cc has it listed as "Hard work pays off". But literally translated it means something like "blessing is gained by doing something". And I have experienced again and again in the past few weeks that it works for me. Instead of dwelling in the anxiety I push it aside and get going despite it ... and BAMM, it's gone.

Took me years to figure that out

[Ampersnd]

Time for some concrete developments.

I took the same IQ test just now that I took on day zero while downloading MLS before starting. It's in English, which is not my mother tongue, so the results are biased with regard to word comprehension and stuff like that. Because of this and because I don't feel like sharing the actual numbers, I only post the differences.

The test I took is from http://www.seemypersonality.com/IQ-Test.

Unfortunately, I did not see the extended results for left and right brain when I took the test for the first time, so I don't have comparing values for day zero.

I'll take the test again when I come close to the three months mark. Maybe I'll take it regularly every 50 or so days as long as I am on MLS, don't know yet. But then I'll have to take into account that I get somewhat used to taking the test and the element of surprise will be gone. Maybe I will post concrete numbers some time in the future, everything is possible.

My mental state right now was somewhat similar to day zero, mentally fatigued and somewhat out of it. Definitely far away from a peak state. Which is exactly why I took it. Additionally, it was to have a real measure to how things are, because I am having strong thought waves again that tell me that MLS is doing nothing and not working and a waste of time and that I'd be better of running another sub (interestingly still either E2, AM, or BASE).

So without further ado, the results.
Overall IQ change from day zero to day 51: +25
Overall left brain change day zero to day 51: -3
Overall right brain change day zero to day 51: +14

Difference between left and right brain day zero: 20
Difference between left and right brain day 51: 3

What can I say? I'll stay with MLS!

Very neat results. One thing to keep in mind is that taking the same IQ test can give you better results the second time, just because you know what to expect the second time. These results seem significant despite that fact.

[Raz]

I have had the same thought about getting somewhat accustomed to the test by repetition, Ampersnd. But it is allowing for a better comparison of the results than simply taking another test from another site.

--- --- ---

At the moment I feel a bit stuck. Every few days there is an emotional downward spiral which makes me think of a constant uphill battle. But instead of experiencing the satisfying feeling of having overcome obstacles and making progress there is no real sense of progress. Might be a case of very effective hiding of changes from the un-/conscious or a clash of expectations and reality.

Well, at least I think I see how I express myself better. Although it still does not have the same WOW-effect I got from BASE with respect to communicating.

The longer I am running 5.5Gs the more I think it is not that much stronger, if at all, than some of the 5Gs I ran in the past. But that's always the problem with a subjective evaluation while you are in the middle of running a sub, isn't it?

One thing I haven't experienced is an improvement in my ability to memorize. I have climbed back to my baseline but not further up. At least not yet. However, I am not sure how much of a boost I would need to consciously notice it.

[Raz]

Anxiety is replaced with fear, dystopian visions and a sense that I am becoming a wimp.

I am sliding back to a former version of myself that lacks an outspoken backbone. Sure, I am mentally clear-headed, but what is the point if I don't grab life by the horns and force it to bend to how I want it to be? It surely won't change like magic if I don't change it.

Additionally, my presence is gone. It is as if I am a child in a room full of grown-ups and hence I don't get any shred of the respect I show them just because they are fellow human beings.

Not really noticing any significant change from running MLS doesn't help the situation. Although my IQ supposedly went up, there is nothing substantial that proves it to me in my day to day life.

[Inconceivablezen]

Exact same thoughts here today, regarding "[grabbing] life by the horns and forc[ing] it to bend to how I want it to be" I'm about 3 weeks back on MLS.

For me, it's partially because MLS works well, so you can just do less on a given day. Intead of working 8 hours without MLS, for example, I work 4 hours, and get the same done. Sadly enough, I need to up the ante.