The Hepatitis Bathtub and Other Stories - MLS 3 5.5 G

[Raz]

I can tell that I am getting back on track with my whole life. Where other subliminals seemed to take me on a different road that ultimately wasn't mine (which I only realized once I had taken enough steps in these directions), MLS seems to be very much in sync with my route (wherever it may lead).

I am working slowly through some issues. No idea what issues exactly, but my dreamscape is very much explicit that I am working on something a whole lot. Likely more than one thing.

Sometimes I even get that sense of wonder again that fuels me to discover and explore.

[Raz]

I have avoided reading scientific literature that plays on my playground for a long time. Last few times I tried I couldn't really concentrate on it and consequently wouldn't really understand the data and implications that the authors wanted to make. That had a lot to do with fear of failure and thinking that I am not good enough. Thus I went into hiding and ran from it a lot.

Now I am finally taking the simple steps and am coming out of my shell again. Reluctantly I gave reading some rather specific papers a try ... and boy oh boy, not only do I completely understand the reasoning, data, and implications, I also clearly see the flaws and over-interpretations and am able to articulate them (the latter being something I had always had my problems with).

Needless to say that I am happy and blown away

[Raz]

A note concerning subgoal 70.

70. Pass processing and calculation/design needs to the appropriate part and level of the subconscious, and then have that part pass the answer back to the conscious mind when it has completed and optimized the task.

Yesterday I consciously tried to take advantage of this module by attempting to pass the task of optimizing a figure of a manuscript to my subconscious mind.

Since waking up today ideas keep pouring into my conscious mind, including several alternative versions of the thing I wanted to optimize in this figure.

This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship

[Raz]

The anger is back.

While the past few days have been relatively quiet, today was characterized by pure very deep anger. I was openly angry and snapped at people that acted smug and entitled, I felt burningly angry towards people that I perceived to take advantage of me, angry at people for telling me how to do things when they themselves couldn't do them properly at all. I even yelled furiously at my dad in a dream last night.

I am not sure but I have a hunch that this is related to the long past days of elementary school and even kindergarten. It just ominously reminds me of it.

Interesting things is that as soon as I release the anger verbally (doesn't matter if I raise my voice or calmly express what angers me) it is gone. No mental replay, no sulking, no 'I am better than thou'. Well ... like really released. Maybe ... is this how such a state of mind should be dealt with in a healthy way?

[Have at ye]

The anger is back.

While the past few days have been relatively quiet, today was characterized by pure very deep anger. I was openly angry and snapped at people that acted smug and entitled, I felt burningly angry towards people that I perceived to take advantage of me, angry at people for telling me how to do things when they themselves couldn't do them properly at all. I even yelled furiously at my dad in a dream last night.

I am not sure but I have a hunch that this is related to the long past days of elementary school and even kindergarten. It just ominously reminds me of it.

Interesting things is that as soon as I release the anger verbally (doesn't matter if I raise my voice or calmly express what angers me) it is gone. No mental replay, no sulking, no 'I am better than thou'. Well ... like really released. Maybe ... is this how such a state of mind should be dealt with in a healthy way?

Quite possibly. I had a similar thing occur yesterday, DMSI-related, when releasing my anger resulting from me being annoyed by people's dishonesty and backstabbing; I belted out the song "Walk" by Pantera, and felt lighter, calm and elated afterwards, and had the annoying "mental replay" (I have that in spades, heh) stop.

Hmm, perhaps verbal expression is the way to go. I've been seriously annoyed by the insistent "mental replay" (great term, stealing it ) in the past, and have been trying to figure out a way to deal with it, as I believe it to be my subconscious bugging me about something.

Also, I've noticed I've been talking to myself quite a bit when alone in my apartment, also related to things on mental replay.

[Raz]

I am suddenly engulfed by a vortex of depression that came out of nowhere. I suppose it is not meant to be sunny all the time.

[Raz]

The negativity subsided pretty quickly.

One thing that comes back to me in cycles since I started running subliminals that include Ultra Success is design in many facets. First I noticed (and learned and applied) on my first BASE run, then on the second. Then to an extent on DMSI. And now it is coming back on MLS with full force. Typesetting, presentations, vocal training, creating and editing picture content (bitmaps, vectors, photography, color mapping, fractal repetition) and so on and so forth.

Seems to be my thing

[Shannon]

Can you tell what the negativity originates from? Resistance, subconscious H&C processing, something else?

[Raz]

Can you tell what the negativity originates from? Resistance, subconscious H&C processing, something else?

I'd say it stems mostly from healing and clearing. Although I don't know what exactly is being addressed at the moment, my dreams make it pretty clear that something is being worked on. And add some sleep deprivation to the mix.

As for resistance ... either I haven't really had resistance towards the program or I cannot tell it apart from some rougher periods of healing/clearing in that case.

[Raz]

It is really interesting to go from day to day with this generation of subs.

After I stayed a long time on DMSI I got this constant feeling of 'today I am not the same I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be the same I am today'. And now I am starting to get the same with MLS. A positive sense that tomorrow really anything might happen.

[Raz]

The last few nights I woke up several times being completely drenched with sweat. Together with my dreams I am sure something that scares the hell out of me is being addressed. I just have no clue what that something is.

Other than that the amount of sleep I need to not be exhausted in the morning seems to have gone down dramatically.

[Raz]

I look at the day counter and it has been almost a month on MLS now. Honestly I feel as if I am still in the very early beginning with it. I'd like to own every bullet point on the list. But I am convinced that it'll take me a long time.

Unlike before, where I couldn't bring myself to stay on track too long with one program, I know that this is different now. I can see myself running MLS easily for one year or more. My goals and the program goals are very much aligned.

And to be honest ... I really want to see myself transformed in the MLS way. But I am repeating myself

[Raz]

I am developing a real taste for pure fresh water. I really begin to like it a lot. Usually I don't drink enough. And if I do it's rarely water (mostly teas, coffee, juices). Now I easily drink 1 to 2 liters water besides my usual intake. I really thirst for water.

[Raz]

Lately I don't feel like doing anything at all. At the same time I am exploring a thousand and one things without thinking about it. I fill my mind with a multitude of information on different topics and I am trying out new stuff every weekend when I have time to do it.

On the other hand, things that I should be doing (you know, stuff that will pave the road for my personal success) are collecting dust. That is hardly news, but the contrast of me plunging myself into many many topics (remember the movie adaptation of starship troopers? there were those infomercial-like clips that always ended with 'Would you like to know more?' I am always following that I-want-to-know-more trail of breadcrumbs to infinity. The book is better than the movie by the way.) to me not doing the very things I have at hand that will make my future better has increased by a lot.

But I know that I will manage to do things the right way eventually ... at least one of the many right ways I mean.