Taking the plunge - LTU 5.5g

[Darwinn]

Rewind to the beginning and LTU3 (/3.1) was the first subliminal i really invested my self into. I remember using it and for the first time i was elevated above my deep self directed animosity just enough that i was able to experience enjoyment for the first time since childhood. Fast forward now to today, I've gone from lost child close to the edge, to a man with a family, a life rich with new experiences and friends. I still struggle with issues around self worth and abundance that send me off track regularly and I want to get that handled.

I didn't want to do LTU at first; MLS is doing a good job of repairing my cognition and making me a bit of a genius, and i'm cautious of large subs with multifaceted goals - i can get exhausted to the point where i feel that practically my life is being held back more than it's progressing.

Nevertheless, as i've said i have a family now - and it's imperative that i get my life handled holistically and i clear my emotional issues and become the sort of role model worthy of a family while not compromising the external success i'm going for. I've decided to take a punt, a gamble, on LTU4 for 3 months - it's a gamble because USLM3 left me burnt, and i'm really hoping LTU4 doesn't do the same - if it does, i'm fucked at work since it's one of those 'crunch' times.

Here goes nothin.

[Darwinn]

It's too early to tell anything definite; but i will say that today has been a lot happier and easy going - i've been cracking jokes and seeing the humour in things - i've been concerned i'd lost my sense of humour a while ago!

[Darwinn]

One word for this subliminal - beauty.

Yesterday I woke up feeling a deep sense of wellness and peace. I was delayed to work but rather than get stressed, genuinely enjoyed resolving my morning meetings over the phone. My mind being clear and focussed I was able to play around and connect more with work people whilst delivering real value - I don't think I've had a more productive train journey haha.

When I got to work things were incredibly busy, but one by one challenges I face on a day to day basis just melted (not really because of anything mystical, but rather my more positive attitude just allowed me to deal with things more intuitively and not catastrophise, giving me more access to my mental faculties). I was sitting on an open plan desk with people I've not been around before and just started vibing with them. People are being kind to me, respectful and supportive. The woman sat next to me just spontaneously started sharing her lunch and connecting with me on a very friendly and human level.

I left work early and met some friends for half an hour - I would never make time for this as I 'never have time' - with LTU I just feel good enough that I feel like reaching out, even half an hour shooting the shit with friends is worth it.

I read through 'the four hour work week' by Tim Ferris - which has helped me define what I want out of USLM a bit more, I'm waiting to see whether USLM in LTU is potent enough to help me fulfil these goals.

Also I decided that if after another 4 weeks results continue, i'll invest more and get this programme for my gf who is facing challenges with a newborn

[Darwinn]

I wanna add, I’ve had a bunch of people directing negative energy toward me, talking about me , making jibes at me - all of this is having zero impact on me right now.

[Darwinn]

Muhahahaha - feeling good man. So I’ve been thinking about goals and turning them into bitty daily steps I can fit in around my work. I’ve broken them down into tiny implementable daily tasks. Just one or two things which I can do, rather than go nuts and say I want it all right now without building the foundation - which I’m sure has caused much of my burn out on success oriented programmes like USLM and BASE.

ION, I had a weekend with a bunch of friends and it was genuinely a touching weekend where they showed a lot of love for me and my family. Things with my partner are great, and I came across a solution to a problem at work which means I should be able to solve a previously thought to be near impossible problem.

[Darwinn]

So last night, as a part of my daily goals I was determined to face up to some realities I've been avoiding for a while; one of these meant putting out a profile of things I've been working on for a couple of years. This might sound simple, but in terms of my greatest insecurities and fears, being exposed and mocked by people is at the top, so when I did it - I almost vomited. I spent about an hour after that in bed looking at the ceiling and then whacked on LTU with my sleep phones.

When I woke up my attitude to all of this had changed quite a lot and I had a better perspective on it all. Over the course of today though I've been hyper sensitive about people looking down on me - so long as I have my headphones on it's not overwhelming. Assuming that no toxic energy is getting through I'm guessing this extra sensitivity is a clearing out of the fear of public shaming, bullying and mockery. If it's not that then I wonder if it's one of the issues with the previous LTU I noticed which is, you become so nice, happy and playful that people don't respect you.

Shannon you will know better but if it's the latter then having something in either the aura or otherwise about having a presence of dignity, a commanding/authoritative presence, or self respect and dignity might be helpful - ( I don't know why I'm suggesting this, of course I know you're not going to add this in the script now, and it's probably already taken care of somewhere - but just a thought to offer anyway).

[Greenduck]

So last night, as a part of my daily goals I was determined to face up to some realities I've been avoiding for a while; one of these meant putting out a profile of things I've been working on for a couple of years. This might sound simple, but in terms of my greatest insecurities and fears, being exposed and mocked by people is at the top, so when I did it - I almost vomited. I spent about an hour after that in bed looking at the ceiling and then whacked on LTU with my sleep phones.

When I woke up my attitude to all of this had changed quite a lot and I had a better perspective on it all. Over the course of today though I've been hyper sensitive about people looking down on me - so long as I have my headphones on it's not overwhelming. Assuming that no toxic energy is getting through I'm guessing this extra sensitivity is a clearing out of the fear of public shaming, bullying and mockery. If it's not that then I wonder if it's one of the issues with the previous LTU I noticed which is, you become so nice, happy and playful that people don't respect you.

Shannon you will know better but if it's the latter then having something in either the aura or otherwise about having a presence of dignity, a commanding/authoritative presence, or self respect and dignity might be helpful - ( I don't know why I'm suggesting this, of course I know you're not going to add this in the script now, and it's probably already taken care of somewhere - but just a thought to offer anyway).

Sounds like you need to connect with your anger. There lay the boundary setting that will make you think less of what people think of you and owning up to yourself.

[Darwinn]

Weird you should say that. I looked at some numerology book yesterday that said connecting to and expressing anger was key to my life's purpose.

[Greenduck]

Weird you should say that. I looked at some numerology book yesterday that said connecting to and expressing anger was key to my life's purpose.

Haha, that's really interesting!

“We do not create our destiny; we participate in its unfolding. Synchronicity works as a catalyst toward the working out of that destiny.”
― David Richo, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know

I recognize myself in some of your text, and I too have had problems with expressing myself and worrying about what other people would think. But the more I have connected with my own inner anger, the stronger I have started to be, and the less I have been worried about what people think or do. Anger is our defence mechanism, and it is needed for us to set boundaries, to assert ourselves, and to be comfortable, knowing that we can always fall back on it if needed. I'm not talking about that you should go around being angry all the time, maybe you are, well you probably are, but you are not in touch with that emotion. What you need to do is to seek out that part of yourself, that angry motherf*cker that rests inside, the one who have been badly treated, the one who have been quieted down, and bring him out. Then you will see how important anger is. I go regularly to the gym and hit a punching bag and go and train martial arts every week, that have done wonders to me.

[Darwinn]

Today is my first day off LTU. I'm going through some kind of Kidney pain, this is possibly because I drink very little water and lots of coffee and since LTU started I've been feeling thirsty but not heeding the calls of my body.

ION my mind is working much much better now, so my normal whinging about wanting the cognitive benefits of MLS doesn't need to continue. When I say my mind is working better, I'm talking about developing solutions to major problems in conversation, being asked where that comes from - to which I'm like 'I don't know, my mind just says it and I repeat'.

I read something about my karma and what I have to achieve in my life and it was spot on about how telling the truth would help me out of my malaise - it also talked about expressing anger toward authority which ive begun doing - I think this is supporting me in line with LTU because I'm energised by it to the point where I think the anger management module in LTU is helping convert the anger into productivity.

I'm working through making anew business process for myself so I can build my entrepreneurial mentality, I tried to start businesses before for validation, now I just want freedom to pursue my other goals - but the mental algorithms aren't really in place. I established a rough framework which I'm using to analyse products and opportunities, it's improving daily and I'm learning more. where it will go I don't know however I do know that I would like to do BAMM at some point and so when I do finally switch on to it I'd like to have a good foundation to build on.

[Darwinn]

I’m not enjoying being off this sub very much. Yesterday I had what would otherwise be considered a pretty productive day, but I ended it feeling super exposed and subject to criticism. I realise that this is gonna be increasingly necessary for where I’m going. Almost whatever I do I’m going to be judged, charicatured, misunderstood, and at times genuinely piss people off because of legit shortcomings. This is what I’ve been afraid of all my life and now I have the words to define it and see it - but there is no easy solution to it.

I kind of see now why being mildly sociopathic would be a good thing if you’re going to have seniority or be a leader. You can’t control what people think and people can think all sorts of things for any reason - to a large degree you have to not care.

I’m very curious now to see what sits on the other side of this processing the fear of exposure, ridicule, exclusion and isolation - all of which I very clearly experience as something akin to death. It’s painful but also exciting.

[Darwinn]

I’ll just add , I felt exposed because yesterday I felt for the first time I was actually behaving as a leader, standing up in front of people and guiding and challenging work, at the end all I could think about was all the little errors, minor facial expressions , and one second hand comment - in spite of achieving really important outcomes.

[Benjamin]

The kidney stuff might be UD since kidneys are part of the detox system.

’ll just add , I felt exposed because yesterday I felt for the first time I was actually behaving as a leader, standing up in front of people and guiding and challenging work, at the end all I could think about was all the little errors, minor facial expressions , and one second hand comment - in spite of achieving really important outcomes.

Still sounds like a big step and a good result if it's the first time you've done so. It will get better over time.

[Darwinn]

Thanks Ben, for now I think the challenge is to keep exposing myself (hehe) so I can develop some scar tissue around these wounds I've not allowed to heal.

I'm definitely hoping the kidneys are just UD doing it's thing; also starting to get something which feels like shortness of breath, and at the moment by the time I get home from work I'm totally burned out and end up needing to sleep for about 8 hours (which is not easy with a newborn ha)