(Sub-Swap) Stop S̶t̶u̶t̶t̶e̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ Masturbating 4G and Ultra Motivation 4G

[Ampersnd]

Day 74 MLS,
Day 14 SMast., Day 1 no PMO,

I ended my noFap stream last night; it was right after after a series of important events, so I could let my guard down a little. I'm surprised at how difficult it was to actually get around to it. My sexual self-control has definitely increased, in the sense that I'm not grabbing at myself at every opportunity.

I feel quite good the next morning; granted, I slept 10 hours.

[Ampersnd]

I'm strongly considering swapping out MLS with Ultra Motivation 4G.
This is because I've felt very little intrinsic motivation to go out there and achieve my goals.

EDIT: Here's a sound-off of MLS for that past 12 months (because I also did it in July-August, and I can't separate the two runs in my iTunes)


iTunes, masked: 219 times
iTunes, silent: 1316 times

Total: 1,535 times = 767.5 hours

[Ampersnd]

Day 19 SMast. 6 Days since last MO
Day 5 Ultra Motivation

Funny how my motivation (and its commensurate productivity) has been at an all-time low. I've been able to keep up with reviewing for my big exam coming up. But the other elements of my life have been in decline; I've all but stopped flash-cards, been practicing less guitar and voice, not promoting my Kindle books, and no motivation to 'upgrade my life'.

Got a new job though; on the advice of my parents, I went out with resumes on a city strip of restaurants in a tourist area. Got an instant hire, and my first shift was two days later. It went pretty well. I now have two days off.
However, I wasn't all that motivated to look hard for work. But I'm happy that I can work and make money.

Been playing video games a lot; making it through Mass Effect 3. I'm doing the Paragon route, though I make certain exceptions for expediency. I've also re-kindled with Tali, if anyone wanted to know. Beat Rannoch and brokered peace between the geth and the quarians, so she's still alive.

[Ampersnd]

Day 22 SMast. 1 Day since last MO
Day 8 Ultra Mot.

Ended my noFap streak; it was extremely quick to do. However, there was hardly any enjoyment from that. That must mean that it's working.

[LionKing]

Been playing video games a lot; making it through Mass Effect 3. I'm doing the Paragon route, though I make certain exceptions for expediency. I've also re-kindled with Tali, if anyone wanted to know. Beat Rannoch and brokered peace between the geth and the quarians, so she's still alive.

I always really liked Tali for some reason, especially on ME3. It might because she seemed she'd be more my type anyways - hot curves, but more more action-oriented and practical vs. heavier on the emotional side. Can't remember how the romances went for me in ME1-3; there was some conflict with, I guess Miranda, getting lost and me hooking up with someone else along the way or something.. Great games.

[Ampersnd]

Day 24 SMast. 1 Day since last MO
Day 10 Ultra Mot.

I J'O'ed twice yesterday. Don't know what got into me. Turns out there was some blood in my sperm. I researched it, and it's typically idiopathic (no cause behind it) and it goes away after a week or two. I'll have to try again a week from now.

I have energy and feel good generally, but I have no drive to accomplish anything in my life; even music, money, love/sex, mission, languages; I feel no motivation to get it.

@LionKing. I beat the trilogy on Xbox 360; I picked 'Control' because my Shepard was paragon, so it made sense. I don't have any DLC, so the ending was a let-down. The Extended Cut DLC was a letdown, and I hear the Citadel DLC fleshes out your squadmates, especially your love interest. Might have to snatch it on Steam, but only once I upgrade my computer and I actually start using Steam in the first place.

I'll have to replay the trilogy, and I'm debating if I should go full Renegade, as in full genocidal monstrosity Shep with full face scars, but I'm unsure if I could live with myself (after watching YouTube on the topic lol) . Some of the choices seem atrocious. Otherwise, I'd go for a full Paragon perfect ending with all DLC, and maybe go for Liara, who seems aloof as a friend, but is quite warm when you're with her romantically (again, based on YouTube).

[Ampersnd]

Day 26 SMast. 3 Day since last MO
Day 12 Ultra Mot.

Here's a quick rant: I'm discouraged at how much liberal media no longer represents me. My dad has it on, and it stirs me in all the wrong ways.

I've seen Samantha Bee, and it's painful to watch.
I've seen Trevor Noah, and it's cringe-worthy.
I've seen Larry Witmore, and it's terrible.
I've seen Bill Mayer, and it's too much smug.

Stephen Colbert is the only decent one; though he's funny, he often piles it on. I liked John Stewart, too, but he's retired.

How? When did this happen? It's filled with cherry-picked straw-men and simply awkward ad hominems.

Why are both sides of the political fence simply awful? I'm not exactly thrilled about supporting one side or another. I'm going to start a Church; the Church of Rationality!

[apollolux]

How? When did this happen? It's filled with cherry-picked straw-men and simply awkward ad hominems.

Why are both sides of the political fence simply awful? I'm not exactly thrilled about supporting one side or another.

My theory is that it's become intentional, showing "both sides of the political fence simply awful" is really "politics is simply awful." It's understandable to not support one side over the other since both are pretty similar in order to "be inclusive," so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

The party system itself (at least in the US, can't say for certain how it is elsewhere) is mainly to simplify getting votes on a quid pro quo basis; it'd be really silly to, for example, simply vote no on a bill to repair a major highway that everybody agrees on, but one party wants to tack on an addendum to increase spending on public education and the other party may only agree to it if this other addendum which increases spending on defense is approved, and so on and so forth. The US is less a democratic republic and effectively more a constitutional financial oligarchy.

[Ampersnd]

Day 27 SMast. 1 Day since last PMO
Day 13 Ultra Mot.

I J'ed Off yesterday night; it was difficult to bring myself to do it, in the sense that I had some degree of congestion that made the whole thing unsatisfying.

But, no blood, so I'll continue what will become a long noFap streak. Business as usual.

[Ampersnd]

Day 30 SMast. 4 Days since last PMO
Day 16 Ultra Mot.

My dad often has the Colbert show on; it's hilarious that with every single female guest he has on, he brings up feminism, without fail. And they'll always have most ill-informed comments on it.

"I don't know why more people don't call themselves feminists".. I do.

I'm reading Christopher Hitchens' flagship book. I'm tempted to make a serious study of theology; of course, I'd be doing so to repudiate and rebuke it. I'd think that knowing the texts would give me all the ammunition that I'd need to win any discussion on the topic. I'm already planning on learning Arabic, in part to read its holy book in the original language. Perhaps Hebrew or Greek would help me with the Abrahamic ones. (please advise me if I'm violating Rule 4).

Learning German is going well; I've unceremoniously transitioned from flashcards to reading, and it has crystallized many of the words which I had been learning in flashcard form, but now, it's in numerous contexts and done with adequate repetition.

I have no real urge to PMO, but I've research a little bit on the topic via YouTube and found that counting days is unproductive. Thus, I'll consider removing any mention of the number of days since last ejaculation. After all, if you've eschewed the habit entirely, it should neither not be a relevant topic in your mind, nor should it be a yardstick of success; if I treat this like a high score, I may find a way of justifying a relapse on the occasion that I surpass my best streak. By removing the temporal aspect, it leaves me in the present to deal with whatever issues I should come across.

[Ampersnd]

Day 32 SMast. Number of days since last PMO are not mentioned henceforth.
Day 18 Ultra Mot.

Worked almost 11 hours today, and I was fine to keep going; plenty of energy to go around. The environment is nice, and I have a couple of friends there, and some of them are cute Indian girls. One of them has the cutest smile; she taught me a couple of words in Punjabi.

Another guy is from Pakistan; extremely kind guy and hard worker. We get along quite well.

Today was the weekend for a statutory holiday in our country. It was CRAZY. SO many sexy women there (okay, maybe 5 stood out for me). I made about 100$ in tips alone. I was co-bartending with this guy, and we were pointing these girls out. I felt powerless to do anything about it; I'd probably creep them out if I talked to them (see below)

My manager isn't a very good communicator; she uses general terms so loosely that I have to ask what she's talking about, and she gets irritated that I have to clarify. I have yet to determine whether the kitchen staff is borderline retarded, or under-equipped, as they're the weak link that slows us down.

I'm going to get a coaching session with Chris Bale once my first check comes it. I have more than enough to go for it; I'm also sitting on a bunch of cash that I'm avariciously keeping to myself, even at the cost of my advancement; in other words, I could spend money on things that make me better, but I hesitate when my money had been stagnant. With this new job, I can justify it.

[Ampersnd]

Day 33 SMast.
Day 19 Ultra Mot.

Not feeling any more motivated than usual, but I have energy at the end of my work day, which I can use towards other skills. I'm also able to practice singing in the car on my commute. Guitar practice has been taking a hit, since my schedule conflicts with my parents'.

Goodness, I was frazzled at work; I was screwing up left and right, and getting angry. I almost snapped at this one waitress, but I reeled it in, and we ended on decent terms (she was aware that I was pissed at her).

Now that I'm not even considering PMO (and it's been one week), I think that it's transmuting; this other waitress (not even on my radar for attractiveness) was asking me to go to the bars. My supervisor (petite woman my age) was being more open about her sex life than I've ever heard her. A lot of random women (much older) were staring at me. It's interesting, but it doesn't feel any different, given that they aren't women that I want to have in my life romantically.

[Ampersnd]

Day 34 SMast.
Day 20 Ultra Mot.

I'm feeling less sharp and less articulate; I stumble over my words.
Unless things change, I'd like to retake MLS and Stop Stuttering.

[Ampersnd]

Day 35 SMast.
Day 21 Ultra Mot.

People are believing increasingly stupid and ill-conceived ideas about reality. One of these things won me twenty dollars; a work colleague could not believe that [Holy Book X] contained verses condoning [Y action], and said that if I could find one mention of it, he'd pay up.

I'm also seeing more and more people posting stupid shit on their Facebook wall; maybe my Facebook friends are becoming swept up by the notion of regressive leftism that's become all the rage. I don't mind Ultra-liberalism - that would be libertarianism in nature. But the combination of the left's goals and connections, combined with the right's indignation and fervor, topped off with hippie new-aged mysticism, and you have this loopy juggernaut that swings its broadsword of justice at anything that dares oppose the agenda.

I'm actually becoming angry about this collectivism that demands compliance and simply "knows" what's bests for every single person in its country. It also assumes that its enemies have similar moral codes and would show them compassion if the situation were reversed. They excuse their poor behavior by relegating it to "their culture" (you should know what I'm talking about without my violating Rule 4). This pathetic attempt of an excuse reveals to us that that which is inexcusable if done once by one person becomes morally just when done by millions of people over generations.