Soaring Higher Journal

[4Kingdoms]

OF 1.1 is working on your subconscious thoughts and that might be increasing your anxiety. As for the girl, someone better is coming. Just keep improving yourself.

[Soaring]

I am ok. It's nice to vent on here.

My dreams are pretty harsh. I am trying to find the right word to describe them...my dreams last night where hitting me where it hurts. They where making a mockery out of me and my deepest insecurities. It was not pretty.

I definitely feel I have this feeling as if I am ready to fight. I am not showing it externally but I feel it. I feel like a Tiger.

[Soaring]

I feel like writing some shit.

I feel pretty lonely. It makes sense because by society standards I am. I only speak to my parents, siblings and few guys at work.

I used to have friends but I just wanted to come away from them because I felt they did not match me and the rest is history. I just have never really found anyone that I get on well with really. I am very picky who I interact with or who I open up too.

It is weird though I am so used to being on my own, it feels normal. But every now and then I feel lonely, but not enough to want 'people' as friends, just for the sake of it.

I would rather be on my own then be around people I don't want to be around.

I think these thing are playing on my mind more because there is apart of me that finds it hard to connect to people. I just don't know how to.

It is alien to me how people can have all these friends and want to actually spend lots of time with them.

It kind of reminds me of when I was younger. Where I lived was so far away from all the other kids houses I never could really just hang out like a normal kid. As my parents had a lot of land, I always had animals as friends. I remember spending a lot of time alone, and with my pets.

Things changed when I went to high school, I moved around with a few different circles and towards the later years just had a few friends that I actually liked and got on well with. I always had quality girlfriends though, especially the last years of high school. I still think of that girlfriend even today and how it seems I have pushed every good girlfriend I have ever had, away since. Then years later realize what I did, and wonder why the fuck did I do that?

Come to think of it, I have never been dumped. It was always me making the path in my relationships go towards annihilation. I always ended up bored. I have always liked new and fresh. Every relationship I have had, has created a new life with it. It has set a new vibe, new experience, new lessons to be learned.

For some reason the new fresh feeling of meeting someone new, gives me energy, it makes me feel alive and more human, which sets off series of paths, that where not there before.

I think I do yearn for connecting with someone, but I sabotage myself from connecting, really connecting with anyone. I do feel like I have a wall up most of the time and I feel that if I meet someone that can get through that, then they are pretty special, as no one can get through my wall.

I am a walking paradox, there are so many conflicting levels that I just never know what to really believe about myself. I am not black or white, I am multi colored, within multi colours.

Life is kind of bland for me. I have certain interests, but most of it is introverted activities. I desire to find things I am genuinely interested in, not just have to go do things because society deems it something I should do. There is a lot of bullshit out there, that is why I refuse to watch any mainstream media, it pisses me off, just thinking of it.

I was feeling pretty good yesterday. I went out food shopping and I felt on top of the world, I actually felt complete, calm, peace walking among people. No insecure thoughts, no judging myself or others, no feeling of anxiety, just light and free.

Today I feel like I have come down with depression. I feel like I have Bipolar using these subs.

[dissonance]

lol exactly what I think to myself sometimes. I become bipolar with these subs.

do you have depression/anxiety/social anxiety yourself?

[Dzemoo]

lol exactly what I think to myself sometimes. I become bipolar with these subs.

do you have depression/anxiety/social anxiety yourself?

same with me

[ffaux]

Yeah I journaled about this too. I used the exact same word lol. Bipolar. You're not alone

[Soaring]

Yeah I feel for people with Bipolar, lol.

I don't think I suffer from social anxiety or depression. I mainly feel like this when listening to subs though.

I feel weird today too, It is like I have a dark cloud in my mind. I can't be bothered to do anything what so ever.

I have been doing EFT everyday, but it is not helping when I feel like this. I tried PSTEC it made me feel more neutral in some ways but I really feel like fuck everything mood.

When I feel like this, I really would loved to just drop out of society. I have been thinking of the old days lately like in roman times or something like that and thinking of how so much easier it was then, for some reason I don't like the way technology is taking over everything. It is hard to pin point what I mean, but I can imagine even in the 70's it was so much easier.

I know it is impossible to time travel but It would be so nice.

I feel trapped in my own mind. I want a certain life and I can imagine it, but to most people I am just dreaming. But even though I don't know if I can have that life, I still don't want to settle for anything less then that, even if it is impossible.

What do you do if you can't have what you desire in life? What if your desires are just too unrealistic? But the desire is so strong. The is no way you can just get rid of the desire or hide it or cover it up with mediocrity.

What is the point living if you can't have what you desire? ....seems a bit pointless. Why have desire in the first at all? It must be there for a reason, other then to just taunt you.

There has got to be more to life then what I am living now, there just must be. I really feel I am getting in my own way some how, but it is so ingrained and apart of me, that I just can not see it. I must identify with it so strongly that, all I see is just me and nothing else.

[Dzemoo]

A girl will never say this she wants to keep as many men as possible in her orbit to validate her ego, while only fucking with one or few

For the girlfriend thing, you did this because you thought it would always ne easy as that and you will find another one fast, we all did this mistake

[Soaring]

I have just realized something...

I am 27 years old, I am single and I have no f'ing kids!

How amazing is that! WOW.

I want to do something adventurous, go back packing through Europe within the next few years.

England and British chicks suck ass. I am most attracted to women that have a different ethnic background, I really do not like plain English girls, especially the area I am from. Maybe it is because my Granddad on my mothers side was Anglo Indian, I don't know. But nothing gets my blood pumping then a girl with different ethnics.

[4Kingdoms]

I want to do something adventurous, go back packing through Europe within the next few years.

England and British chicks suck ass. I am most attracted to women that have a different ethnic background, I really do not like plain English girls, especially the area I am from. Maybe it is because my Granddad on my mothers side was Anglo Indian, I don't know. But nothing gets my blood pumping then a girl with different ethnics.

Research has shown that people with diverse major histocompatibility complexes (MHCs) were more likely to choose each other as mates than those whose MHCs were similar, and that this was likely to be an evolutionary strategy to ensure healthy reproduction.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/200...105435.htm

[4Kingdoms]

I know it is impossible to time travel but It would be so nice.

I feel trapped in my own mind. I want a certain life and I can imagine it, but to most people I am just dreaming. But even though I don't know if I can have that life, I still don't want to settle for anything less then that, even if it is impossible.

What do you do if you can't have what you desire in life? What if your desires are just too unrealistic? But the desire is so strong. The is no way you can just get rid of the desire or hide it or cover it up with mediocrity.

What is the point living if you can't have what you desire? ....seems a bit pointless. Why have desire in the first at all? It must be there for a reason, other then to just taunt you.

There has got to be more to life then what I am living now, there just must be. I really feel I am getting in my own way some how, but it is so ingrained and apart of me, that I just can not see it. I must identify with it so strongly that, all I see is just me and nothing else.

You use the word impossible way too often! Check out the book Every Word Has Power: Switch on Your Language and Turn on Your Life.
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-5985-p...l#pid88398

If Time Travel were possible or actually happening, there would be rules in place that would keep it from being misused and harsh punishments for misusing it. Rule # 1 of Time Travel - Need to know basis - deny it is possible to travel in time! We view Stargate SG-1, Star Trek, and Sliders as science fiction. In my opinion, the technology you see, travel to different planets with a stargate, beam of bright light to transport, transporter rings or transporter pad, episodes regarding time travel, different dimensions with possible realities... exist. It is being shown to the public in this manner, so when it is announced it really exists there won't be mass panic!

Do we desire only to be taunted? We desire to motivate us to take action and make our dreams reality! At time index 17:40 of the Star Trek Next Generation Season 2 Episode 17 -Samaritan Snare...The Ensign asks, "Didn't you ever wish you had kids of your own?" and the Captain's response, "Wishing for a thing does not make it so."

[Womanizer]

I have just realized something...

I am 27 years old, I am single and I have no f'ing kids!

How amazing is that! WOW.

I want to do something adventurous, go back packing through Europe within the next few years.

England and British chicks suck ass. I am most attracted to women that have a different ethnic background, I really do not like plain English girls, especially the area I am from. Maybe it is because my Granddad on my mothers side was Anglo Indian, I don't know. But nothing gets my blood pumping then a girl with different ethnics.

It's funny you said that , because running OF made me think of something similar , drop everything and just travel. In my experience i haven't reached a block yet. Meditation may help relax you a bit.

[Soaring]

Cheers guys.

I have not been having any scary dreams, I can't remember the last.

I definitely feel I am closing in on my self, as in just enjoying being by myself alone. I don't care, there is not much to do at the moment anyway.

I have come to accept how things are at the moment and I know within the next 2 years things will change.

I can feel certain blocks in my mind, when I think about doing certain things (They seem reasonable blocks, but maybe that is just a lie I keep telling myself) I will see if OF will pry open them gates with time, to allow me to see what is behind them. I can imagine each of them gates leading into a cemetery, with deep dark secrets buried there. All waiting for me, to discover something interesting and dark about myself.

Definitively far to early to tell. OF has not even started.

[Soaring]

I am noticing when I go out, even to just buying some food I feel more powerful, confident and attractive.

I have had a few moments where I have said what is on my mind, like calling someone a C U Next Tuesday and that person was my mother, I actually laughed after I said it and my mother did too.

I feel really cocky and sure of my self, I feel it in my being and that is expressing it's self into my thoughts, body language and vibe.

I think some guy beeped at me when I was driving and I was ready to get out and go beast mode. I would of not cared if the guy was 8ft tall. No one beeps at me, I am king.

If this is the way OF is going, I am very much looking forward to this journey.