Shit-tests

[Johannesbrst]

Hi guys, I just "passed" my first shit test i think, and wanted to discuss it with you and maybe hear about your ways of dealing with shit tests. 

It was on tinder and I opened with some blatant sexual line to which she responded negatively. I replied asking what she usually does in her first date if not that, her replying with something boring and me noting that. Then she started being all rude, and it ended with me saying "why would I care about your opinion of me? And why would I care about your standards, as they clearly don't seem to be something I would strive to live up to?". 

Then she did a full 180 and said that "woa now it got really uncomfortable, I was just kidding, you are a really attractive guy and I just didn't like your opening". 

Was this a shit test? I got all confused and unmatched her before I had realized what happened, lol. I guess OF is helping me to become more blatant and also better deal with "conflict".

[AbundanceCH]

I think you're trying too hard. Call her out on her tests when in person but when online when they don't even know you the whole point is to get her on a date. Being confrontational is not going to get you far with these online girls who have never met you and don't know anything about you. Just my opinion.

I think the following will help you in the future

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGiskOB0ZbQ the only way to defeat a woman's s test
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mGayER1kxA how to handle a woman's disrespectful behavior

[MegaMan]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGiskOB0ZbQ the only way to defeat a woman's s test

I agree with you that this will work. You will have passed the s test. Then everything is great. A week later or two, or three she will s test you again.
What then? You opened this game of "she s tests you, you respond" with the threat of going away.
Now if you do not go away, you lost because an unfulfilled threat is no threat at all. If you go away she might chase after you. Then when she chases you, you can either stay away or return. If you stay away you are back at square one. If you return to her, what are your options when she s tests you again?

To me, it looks like this severely limits your options. In a military analogy, it would be like the enemy invades a village on the border and you tell them "if you do this again, we are nuking your whole country". Puts you in a corner.
I'm genuinely interested in how you see this.

[AbundanceCH]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGiskOB0ZbQ the only way to defeat a woman's s test

I agree with you that this will work. You will have passed the s test. Then everything is great. A week later or two, or three she will s test you again.
What then? You opened this game of "she s tests you, you respond" with the threat of going away.
Now if you do not go away, you lost because an unfulfilled threat is no threat at all. If you go away she might chase after you. Then when she chases you, you can either stay away or return. If you stay away you are back at square one. If you return to her, what are your options when she s tests you again?

To me, it looks like this severely limits your options. In a military analogy, it would be like the enemy invades a village on the border and you tell them "if you do this again, we are nuking your whole country". Puts you in a corner.
I'm genuinely interested in how you see this.

What you have to realize is that a woman WILL NEVER stop testing you.  It's in her construct to test a man till her grave.  You think just because you checked her on one S-test that she won't do another one? What you get for standing up to her BS is her respect, admiration, showing her you have a spine.  But it's never going to stop her tests.  They may not come as regularly as you have gained her respect but she still has to "check to see if there's some b|tch in you" (feminine energy/traits in you) like someone once said.  You see old couples married 30-40 years you don't think she doesn't test him from time to time? It doesn't matter who it is or how long they have been together a woman will still test her man.

Look at it this way. A woman can get pregnant therefore in evolutionary terms she is programmed to seek out the best potential mate for her offspring. Her tests are just her evolutionary programming to find out if you're good enough and have a backbone.

[MegaMan]

I agree with you and that was entirely my point in the last message. She will not stop testing you.

You proposed threatening to go away when she tests you. So what do you do when she tests you again?
As we have established she will never stop testing you, so you either fulfill your threat and go looking for a new woman or you do not fulfill the threat, stay and fail the test. These are the outcomes I am aware of.

My post was a question about how you propose to proceed after threatening to leave.
Because you have passed one test, but I do not see how you will pass the further tests that will be coming. So I thought you could maybe elaborate on that part.

Wish you well
MM

[tolgaocal80]

You proposed threatening to go away when she tests you. So what do you do when she tests you again?

As we have established she will never stop testing you, so you either fulfill your threat and go looking for a new woman or you do not fulfill the threat, stay and fail the test. These are the outcomes I am aware of.

well imho, I dont think "threating her to go away" is not a good idea, she will know if you really would go, you wouldn't threat her, you wouldn't say anything about leaving, you would just leave, or be cold until she return and apologize, or just finish.
I believe threating is a way of manipulating, I dont choose this way, shit tests are funny and allright but if girl says "if you do this I'll leave" I would leave right now, this is my approach to threatinings

[AbundanceCH]

I agree with you and that was entirely my point in the last message. She will not stop testing you.

You proposed threatening to go away when she tests you. So what do you do when she tests you again?
As we have established she will never stop testing you, so you either fulfill your threat and go looking for a new woman or you do not fulfill the threat, stay and fail the test. These are the outcomes I am aware of.

My post was a question about how you propose to proceed after threatening to leave.
Because you have passed one test, but I do not see how you will pass the further tests that will be coming. So I thought you could maybe elaborate on that part.

Wish you well
MM

It's all up to your own individual standards I can't answer that for you.

For example let's say a woman flirts with another man in front of you and then you call her out on her bad behavior.  Is that 3 strikes you're out or is that just her 1st strike? How old is your female? Is she young enough where you can coach her correctly or is she already too old for you to coach her out of her bad habits? If she's the latter maybe 3 strikes as you're probably won't be able to help her change.

How long have you guys been together? that's also a factor. How much do you like her? also a factor.

How often has she disrespected you?

There's a lot of factors involved.  It's not as easy as asking "what to do" but rather what are your own individual standards for certain situations and all the factors involved in a relationship.

I can give you my own examples.  

If a female does something disrespectful I lay out the rules in a calm but stern manner.  She has to know what she did is wrong and you're not happy about it.  Like when a strong father disciplines their bad behaving child you have to mean it.

Usually one strong warning is enough for her to not repeat the exact same thing but if she disrespects you in a different way later in your relationship that's when I give the warning of me leaving.  That's strike 2.  3 strike I'M OUT not her.

But again it depends on many factors. If it's flat out disrespect that's different than all the little s-tests females do to guys to test them when men are too into their feminine energy. You have to set your own standards.