Shifting Gears (LTU 5.0)

[DavisMind91]

Woke up physically and emotionally drained. Also this morning, Something was said by my ex that got me fuming mad, or rather it's the way she said it. She has a Motherly type of spirit, so even though she may have people's best interests at heart, she sometimes can come off as domineering and/or say/do something that crosses boundaries. As I drove to work, I kept thinking about it and finally communicated to her, as calmly as I could to reach a middle ground about the subject we spoke on. During part 2 of the conversation though, she said something else that hit a nerve, and I asserted that she has no say in my life, or anything concerning it. So long of course as long as I'm not doing anything that hurts anyone in the process. She insisted we talk later, but LTU's programming made it so that I had to say everything right then and there. 3 hours after waking up, I'm just now calming down from the anger and recovering from the feeling of being drained. Not sure if LTU hit another emotional pocket for me, but between most of yesterday and this morning, I can tell that the sub has stumbled across a big part of me that seems to needs healing/strengthening. I have to wonder if all the times when I was younger where I didn't assert or stand up for myself has something to do with the sublime anger I've been feeling for over 24 hours.

[DavisMind91]

Feeling more leveled out today. My sense of arrogance and anger are still there but much calmer.

[DavisMind91]

The “darkness” within me may have been eroded over the past 10 years but never truly faded away. LTU is making that clear, and it now seems that after 10 long years, it’s fighting to re-establish dominance. It’s not as strong as it once was but I had honestly forgotten how formidable the shadow side of my personality could be. It just may be a rough month I have ahead of me, especially since it seems a majority of my energy is being spent dealing with this subconsciously.

[DavisMind91]

How ironic. That day I post about my internal struggle, it comes to an end just a few hours later. Seems I’m back to my normal happy and confident self. But I’m still a bit calmer than what I e usually been the past few months, more grounded.

[ncbeareatingman]

How ironic. That day I post about my internal struggle, it comes to an end just a few hours later. Seems I’m back to my normal happy and confident self. But I’m still a bit calmer than what I e usually been the past few months, more grounded.

Good Man. awesome progress,even if some times it 'stinks' and feels crappy! Good Man,you over came it!! Glad your back to your 'normal,regular' self. Go Sluigger!!

[DavisMind91]

How ironic. That day I post about my internal struggle, it comes to an end just a few hours later. Seems I’m back to my normal happy and confident self. But I’m still a bit calmer than what I e usually been the past few months, more grounded.

Good Man. awesome progress,even if some times it 'stinks' and feels crappy! Good Man,you over came it!! Glad your back to your 'normal,regular' self. Go Sluigger!!

Thank you, it's great to be back, thought I would be dealing with those feelings for at least another few weeks.

[DavisMind91]

Not the greatest day today, everything from arguments to my car breaking down and becoming useless has happened. Unless the money I've been waiting for comes through, the repairs for it will tank me financially for the next 2 weeks. Noticed that my anger, although still being channeled by the sub, was the greatest it's been within the past 1-2 years. So much that I completely lost my temper a couple of times.

Even meditation didn't help, neither did trying to rationalize it away. I truly felt like I was moments away from a physical altercation, and all due to having a difficult time controlling myself. Part of the reason the anger surfaced was due to events that I clearly haven't healed from in my past. It seems this rage is a defense mechanism, surfacing to ensure that I assert and defend myself in situations on the spot, unlike in the past where many times I often said nothing or would just let things blow over until I was calm enough to talk.

In other news, last night I met someone through FB that helped me gain access to a self-improvement resource that I thought I would've had to wait to use for at least another couple of months. Cool dude and it looks like he wants to establish a long-term business connection.

[DavisMind91]

not too much out of the ordinary to report today, just one weird occurrence hat I can think of where a female coworker I see often was walking by desk with a bottle of water in each hand. She stopped and it was clear that she wanted me to hug her judging by the fact that she moved closer to me physically; however, for some reason instead of remaining on her side, she turned around and put her back towards me so that I could hug her from behind, which practically put her butt in my face. I wrapped my arm around her, and she stood there momentarily, practically cuddling with me like we were a couple, while my hand was on her stomach. One of the department supervisors looked right at me when she walked off. The supervisor just laughed.

I believe there were some other occurrences with women the past couple days but nothing overt which is probably why I don't remember them in detail. There have also been a couple instances of good luck, but again, I don't remember them in detail too much.

[DavisMind91]

I’m noticing that although I still have desires, they’re not nearly as important to me as they once were. In fact the last 3 days I’ve felt desire-less and find resistance towards visualizing what I want to achieve and possess, and even eliminated about half the things I want off my list. Not sure if this is the sub or something else though, as I’ve found myself losing interest in anything dealing with metaphysics in general. The gratitude program in this script could also be responsible for this. Also saying screw it to doing an AM6 refresher run. Pretty much every sub I did before BASE was to help build a better foundation for it; and although there are no regrets, I’d rather just hone in on what has been an issue/challenge to me since I became an adult which is achieving and maintaining financial success. I love AM6 but I simply don’t wanna be a broke alpha. My financial situation is much better than when I found IML but still not where it needs to be, for me to be able to do what I want consistently. I feel I’m alpha enough as it is and can avoid doing another AM6 run for a good while longer while I focus on getting my money right; permanently. UMS should be in my possession by next Friday.

[Omni3]

Word!!!

[DavisMind91]

UPDATE:

Some events have transpired within the past 6 hours:

- The money that was taking so long to come, came and 2 days earlier tan what I was told.

- I'm downloading UMS right now instead of next week.

- My car was looked at by a second mechanic who stated it wasn't starting because it ran out of oil, I was told it was an entirely different issue, basically I saved over $1000 worth of car repairs and would have had an issue fixed that didn't even need tending to. Finny thing is I had an appointment for the very next morning to get an oil change


- My former roommate that I owe money to was payed back once I realized that I received the funds I was waiting for, and just in time too, he told me he only had $2.00 left to last him until next Friday.

Such a great day.

[DavisMind91]

Set an intention to find some new uniform pants, dress shoes, and a high-end masculine Cologne for around $200.00 last night. Mission accomplished. I did go $17 over the budget but that was only because of taxes. The pants and shoes were night the only ones in my size in the entire store. I got especially lucky with the shoes because I have huge feet.

The money I’ve received has gone quickly, but it’s been spent on bills and responsibilities like getting new clothes for my daughter along with paying her school tuition, monthly bills, etc. only truly personal purchases I’ve made were the cologne and UMS. I still have plenty left though to be comfortable for the remainder of this month, as long as I don’t do anything hasty.

[Shannon]

Which fragrance did you choose for yourself?

[DavisMind91]

Which fragrance did you choose for yourself?

1 million by Paco Rebanne. Love the scent package and it mixes well with my natural body chemistry.