Shifting Gears (LTU 5.0)

[DavisMind91]

Starting my LTU journey April 21, 2019. Hate that I'm almost 2 months late to the party but I didn't spend $500 on BASE just to quit before I gave it a full run. I'm glad to have gotten LTU at the $600 intro price. I plan on pretty much using LTU for the remainder of this year, and jumping on UMS in 2020. 

I've been experiencing a good amount of TID since I bought LTU which I'd like to report. Some of it even involves sex which is why I put this journal in the Men's section instead of just the User's section of the forum. 

TID events include:

- Being more relaxed in general, which seems to be an effect felt from several modules in LTU.

- The severity of my anger, and the way I express it has softened in the past 2 weeks. 

- I've been heavily focused on physical detoxing the past few weeks.

- I was pretty much having no sex until a few weeks ago. My ex wife has all of a sudden has been expressing (and has done so several times) that she still really loves me and can't seem t stop doing so. We even had sex a few times unexpectedly and she told me I actually improved in bed. Huh? how could I have improved when I haven't even been having sex? Not only that, but she actually displayed the best performance I've seen from her in a couple years. For the first time in 2 years the sex we've been having is actually great, not just ok. She's also been more flirtatious towards me and initiating physical touch.

Other women also have expressed their desire for me to bed them (if I've known them for a while), or in public, women smile and or stare at me more often. Even at my job women will rub my back or massage my shoulders right in front of my immediate supervisor. My supervisor just laughs it off to my surprise. 

Now obviously none of this has to do with improving my love life, well not directly anyway but I do see some women at my job have an obvious crush so...yea. Feels like I'm back on AM6 with these events. 

In any case, the increased affection from women is cool to have again but I can't wait to improve myself further as a man.

[DavisMind91]

Haven't even done one loop of LUT 5 yet but I'm very easygoing and joyous today. I also woke up motivated which is strange considering I was pretty tired at first.

I also got the idea to create a notation templates for when I do orders, so I can finally solve the issues with subpar productivity I've been wrestling with for most days the past few months. That must be TID from USLM4 in LTU. This simple idea will increase my speed and productivity and should significantly reduce my stress levels because I won't be spending so much time typing away tediously. This should also conserve massive amounts of mental energy for me daily. How did I not think of this sooner?

[DavisMind91]

Day 1:

Noticed that I feel emotionless and woke up remarkably tired. Had to lay back down after being awake for 45 minutes. What I noticed when I got back up is that although I still felt a bit tired, I was motivated to push through and get everything I set out to do for the day accomplished. Once I was done with my tasks I decided to visit my mother. Walked outside and had a flat tire. Instead of getting irrationally irritated and complaining like I usually would, I simply got to work changing the tire, then finding an auto shop that could either repair or replace the tire. Luckily instead of spending the money to replace it, I only had to get the nail removed and the hole plugged which only cost $10. Looks like USLM is working already, I set a specific intention to have the tire be simply repaired, quickly and cheaply, and it worked.

I’m theorizing the “emotionless” feeling is a ME/E3/UD combination, working to emotionally reset me so that LTU can build a new foundation internally. I had a similar feeling for a time on E2. I don’t particularly enjoy it, but it’s better than being ungrounded.

[findingme]

For myself, I wasn't emotionless. The first days I had too much emotion, so I intentionally tried to stifle it. That was uncomfortable. When tears finally came through, I let them out, and with it, the fear I'd lose control every time I felt strong emotions brewing.

Emotionless AND remarkably tired says you may be trying to repress emotions, so I mention this. They did come on hard and fast, so I was scared initially.

I like your journals, so I look forward to reading your LTU experiences.

[DavisMind91]

For myself, I wasn't emotionless.  The first days I had too much emotion, so I intentionally tried to stifle it.  That was uncomfortable.  When tears finally came through, I let them out, and with it, the fear I'd lose control every time I felt strong emotions brewing.  

Emotionless AND remarkably tired says you may be trying to repress emotions, so I mention this.  They did come on hard and fast, so I was scared initially.    

I like your journals, so I look forward to reading your LTU experiences.

Thanks for reading, now that you mention it, it’s true that I do have a habit of emotional repression on a regular basis. Most times though, I don’t feel very emotional at all. Sometimes I’ve been so calm that I ask myself if there’s anything wrong with me. Over time I think I realized that I just have a greater sense of inner peace than most ppl I encounter, but when I actually to feel emotions deeper, I tend to repress them in order to protect myself in some way.

[DavisMind91]

Day 3:

Yesterday felt not so great, had a headache from the time I woke up. Also felt had several aches in my body which may be a symptom of detoxing. I felt the most drained I'd felt in months. I was sure to care for myself by cancelling the overtime I was gonna do, and heading home to sleep.

This morning I woke up drained again and actually went back to sleep after conducting my daily mediation. But as of now, while here at work, I feel a great sense of joy and peace. I can feel this warmth in every cell of my body. I don't recall ever feeling this happy before, like everything is going to be alright. No judgment of myself or others, no frustration or overthinking. I feel like I don't care if I'm liked or loved by anyone outside of myself. Is this the "high on life" feeling I've heard about?

[Shannon]

Yes.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I would LOVE to have that feeling. Something tells me that when I start up LTU5 though, it'll be more focused on emotional healing than feeling joy and happiness.

[DavisMind91]

I would LOVE to have that feeling. Something tells me that when I start up LTU5 though, it'll be more focused on emotional healing than feeling joy and happiness.

If you want to experience more happiness and joy, then learn to set intentions instead of expectations. Even if your run ends up focusing more on emotional healing, it'll help make room for greater bliss to be experienced. Either way, you'll get where you want to go as long as you stay the course.

[Shannon]

I would LOVE to have that feeling. Something tells me that when I start up LTU5 though, it'll be more focused on emotional healing than feeling joy and happiness.

If you want to experience more happiness and joy, then learn to set intentions instead of expectations. Even if your run ends up focusing more on emotional healing, it'll help make room for greater bliss to be experienced. Either way, you'll get where you want to go as long as you stay the course.

And especially not negative expectations!

But the emotional healing can lead to, result in and cause the happiness.  Didn't you know that?

[DavisMind91]

My 2nd day of my very first LTU 5 break. For the most part, people have made remarks about how I seem much happier and that I'm laughing more easily. I do feel out of place socially though, as if I'm so different from everyone else that I feel more like a guest or a tourist, as opposed to feeling like I'm at "home" when I socialize the past couple days. I'm picking up on the negativity of others much easier too.

[DavisMind91]

Day 1 of my 2nd cycle. I listened to the ultrasonic track all night. I slept an extra 2 hours. When I got up, instead of lazing around the house, I washed up and headed straight out the door in order to run some errands. Got some stuff for the house and treated myself to a delicious breakfast. While out, I also bought my Daughter some new shoes that I knew she'd love. When I came back home, instead of worrying about personal business or house chores; which I usually dedicate my entire weekend to, I decided I'll spend the day entertaining and enjoying myself.

I came back and caught up on my favorite show on the air right now, in which I watched one of the main characters die in the season finale. Great scene, but it triggered something within me. Not so much the character dying, but the song that played tugged at me emotionally. I began to cry for the next 45 minutes straight. I couldn't stop and had no idea hat the hell I was crying for, but the whole time as I cried, it felt like my chest area warmed up and I felt lighter, Fast forward to right now, and I feel emotionally and mentally free from negativity. The last time I even cried, was about 2 years ago on AM6, I'm guessing this was an E3 effect.

Something else that's happened today is that my ex wife came over with my Daughter and helped me wash and dry dishes, while staring at me lovingly, lol I pretended not to notice but thinking back on it now, it makes me laugh. Not sure what she was thinking but I won't dedicate much mental energy to it.

Finally, it's worth mentioning that intention setting with the USLM component is working well for me. The past couple days, I've done things such as seemingly changing traffic lights at will, to curing myself of the flu in less than 24 hours. I felt symptoms yesterday, set an intention to wake up vibrant and health this morning, and it worked. No coughing, sneezing, stuffy nose or sore throat, amazing.

[DavisMind91]

Last day of the 2nd cycle complete. Feeling a bit like I did in the middle of my E2 run the past couple days; meaning, I feel so relaxed that I feel emotionally numb, but more indifferent as opposed to negative. Maybe this is what it feels like to be constantly relaxed instead of sliding back and forth on the spectrum, maybe this is sustained emotional equanimity. One thing I can say is that being this calm-minded has helped me, after 28 years of living, helped me identify the root of ALL my fears, thanks mainly to my Mother, and feedback I got from others in my early childhood, I have a fear of messing up and making mistakes.

From early childhood I remember being sort of clumsy and clueless when it came to certain things. instead of having anyone there to teach and guide me on how to actually accomplish the task at hand, I was often shunned, ridiculed or yelled at. When I was yelled at it created a subconscious pressure that made me shut down and people would end up just doing things for me, which of course was horrible for my self-esteem. I had no recollection of these events until last night, guess the memories had been repressed as I grew older. Into adulthood, I've become much more confident and had to learn to get things accomplished, even when I kept running into obstacles, or kept being told no. These days my confidence and self-esteem is also self-generated, but now I realize that I became stagnant in certain areas in life because I've been afraid to affirm that I'm a failure. my worst fear.

To be honest though, I see this as irrational because if I don't put forth effort in these areas, I'll fail by default in the long run. With people, I've failed to connect out of fear of being betrayed again, but mostly feeling like I failed to maintain a connection again. On the business side, even though I've been taking steps to get back at it since BASE, this fear of failure has been gnawing at me the whole time. With romance, me having many failed relationships and my recent divorce has me thinking what's the point in trying to establish anything beyond a physical connection with another woman?

I now see the source of the perfectionistic tendencies I had in my early 20's, and why I was so driven to excel beyond everyone around me. I was never outwardly arrogant, but was inwardly so back then, more accurately, I had both an inferiority and a superiority complex embedded at the same time. Constantly achieving more than my peers but never feeling like it was good enough and that I should be farther ahead. Fast forward to today and I thought I had lost the "fire" and passion to succeed. Truth is between some life truths I've discovered, and using these subs, I lost a good portion of the fear that motivated me to succeed. It's become more apparent here on LTU 5, and with only 2 cycles completed. Looks like I know have to figure out how to become, and remain internally and positively motivated in order to rise to the next level.

[Shannon]

Amazing progress. Bravo!